“I’ll cook you a whole fucking cow if that’s what you want,” I assured her and kissed her hand.
I was rewarded with a shaky, teary-eyed smile. “No, I think one steak will do.”
I nodded. “Consider it done.” I pushed her plate toward her. “Please try and eat, Rabbit, just a little, okay?”
“I’m not really hungry, Joshua. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Okay. You can have something later if you want.”
I racked my brain, trying to figure out what to do next. I told her to tell me anything, anytime. But, I wasn’t sure how to respond without showing my anger. If she knew how angry it made me to hear how she was treated, she wouldn’t talk.
I sat back and looked at her. Then, grinning, I leaned forward and lifted her chin with a finger, gently ticking her skin. “So. A steak. Definitely not a vegetarian then, Rabbit?”
She shook her head, her lips twitching as she recalled our dinner weeks ago.
“And, the alcoholic thing? Anything you want to tell me? Confession is good for the soul they say. ”
A small grin tugged on her lips. “No, I’m good.”
I nodded.
“Any substances you’re addicted to? Anything you just can’t do without?” I smiled as I continued to chuff her under the chin.
Despite the glimmer of tears still in her eyes, a real smile broke out on her face. “One thing.”
“And that is?”
“You.”
Instantly, Cecilia’s casserole lost all its appeal to me as well. Leaning forward, I pulled her onto my lap and crashed my mouth to hers. Her arms wound around my neck and held me tightly. I pushed my chair back and stood, lifting her, never breaking contact with her lips. I strode down the hall toward the bedroom.
Eating was far too overrated.
I woke up with a start. The bedroom was pitch-black, the fire having burned down to small, glowing embers in the grate. I put my hand out and found only empty space in the bed beside me. I sat up abruptly, turning on the light and blinking with the sudden brightness. Rabbit wasn’t in bed. In fact, it didn’t look like she had even been there. I felt the bed again. Her side felt cold and smooth to my touch. I looked around, feeling disoriented. The bathroom door stood open. The hallway was dark. I listened, but the entire house was still. My heart began to beat faster and I threw the covers back and stood up, looking down in confusion. I had sleep pants on. I had made love to Rabbit before we fell asleep, wrapped around each other. How could I have pants on?
My heart was now beating so loudly it echoed in my ears. The events of the last day played out in my mind. Getting in the chopper, determined, but tense and shaking, wrapping Rabbit in my arms and taking her away from the hospital, bringing her home, making love to her last night. I shook my head trying to clear the fogginess.
I looked down again. No. I put pants on to go get her a snack. Hadn’t I? My head turned to the nightstand. Why was there no plate and glass there? A strange ache began in my stomach. My eyes strayed to the chair her clothes had been on. It was empty. I sat back down heavily, as my hands began to shake.
Had I dreamed it? Had I not brought her home? Was she still there ... with him?
Still scared and alone?
Had the rescue all gone so smoothly because it wasn’t real?
My breath caught in my throat and I felt moisture gathering in my eyes. Getting up, I stumbled into the hall and called her name. Nothing but silence greeted me and I stood clutching the doorway.
How was I going to make it through the day if I had to relive it?
What if I didn’t get her back?
What if it didn’t happen the same way as in the dream?
What if there were problems?
What if I failed and I didn’t get to her this time?
I pushed off the wall and staggered toward the kitchen. I could hear my own gasping breaths echo in the quiet of the house and I stood looking around the darkness, lost. I snapped on a light and stood motionless, gazing at the emptiness. The plates from dinner were gone. The house was empty.
It hadn’t been real.
My voice was rough as I spoke into the silence.
“Rabbit.”
A noise had me spinning around and the door to the mudroom opened, Bear barrelling in from the outside, bringing with him a swirl of cold air. And, behind him, in my parka, walked Rabbit. For a moment, my eyes drank her in as she stared at me, surprised to see me standing there.