She squeezed my fingers and shook her head. “No.”
I looked down and saw the ring was gone. I lifted her hand and stared at the angry red welt that wrapped around her slightly swollen finger. I raised my eyes to her face questioningly. “Rabbit?” I asked quietly.
“It didn’t belong there,” she whispered, echoing my thought earlier. “Cecilia helped me get it off with cold water and soap.”
“Where is it?”
She shrugged, unconcerned. “I tossed the first one out the car window the day I ran, but I hated this one even more so … um ... I gave it to Cecilia and asked her to drop it out of the helicopter or something. I don’t ever want to see it again.”
I kissed her swollen finger gently and placed her hands on my chest, stroking her arms. “Okay. Good decision.”
I stepped back, squeezing her arms affectionately, and frowned when I saw her wince. I pushed up the sleeves of my shirt and looked up at her, horrified as I saw the dark bruise on her forearm. “He hurt you again. I waited too long,” I breathed painfully, my throat tight. “Rabbit …” My hands pushed up the sleeves further, terrified of what other marks I would see.
Her fingers on my mouth stopped me before I could say anything else. “I’m fine, Joshua. He grabbed me once. You got me before it became worse. Please … don’t. Not tonight. I’m home … tonight is just for being happy … please.”
My hands stilled and I stared into her eyes. They were tired but held so much love and forgiveness in their soft depths. I kissed her fingertips and drew her back to me, cradling her. Leaning down, I kissed her longingly.
“Happy isn’t a big enough word, Rabbit.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Joshua
Rabbit shivered in my arms. I looked down. “Are you all right?” I asked softly, unsure if she was cold, tired or simply overwhelmed.
She nodded. “I haven’t been sleeping well. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I was so worried about today … so worried I would do something that would ruin whatever you had planned.” Her voice caught. “So worried that the one thing I wanted more than anything wouldn’t happen.”
I leaned down, scooped her up, and headed upstairs. I settled us both in the large chair, throwing the blanket around us. Bear followed closely and lay down by the ottoman. I smiled, knowing he would not be far from Rabbit again for a while.
I looked down into her sweet, tired face, stroking her cheek slowly. I knew we had to have this conversation. I needed her to understand my thoughts and actions.
“I had to keep you in the dark, Rabbit. I know the subterfuge probably seemed overboard but I couldn’t risk him figuring it out. I couldn’t risk you.” I grimaced when I looked down at her arm. I picked up her hand, lifting her arm close and delicately tracing the bruise with my lips. Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath.
“I didn’t want to let you go, Rabbit. I didn’t. But I thought I was doing the right thing.” I opened my eyes and looked into her soft gaze, needing her to understand how I felt. “But I was wrong. So fucking wrong. From the moment I knew I was wrong, I have been working on getting you back to me. Praying it was what you wanted as well. That you still wanted me even after what I had done. The night …” my voice trailed off painfully and I had to swallow before I could continue. “The night the line rang and I knew you had figured out my card … I could hear you breathing on the other end of the line ... just breathing … and I knew you were scared and I knew you needed me. Then the next day, when I heard your voice … God, Rabbit, I thought I would go insane not being able to get to you fast enough. I wanted to storm the castle, so to speak. But Trevor and Frank convinced me to do this right. To do it safely and make sure we got you out carefully so you weren’t in danger … and he didn’t have a chance to hurt you again.” My fingers traced her arm and I looked at her regretfully. I hadn’t made it in time.
“I sent that card with you in case you needed me. I told myself I wanted things to work out for you, for you to be happy. But something wasn’t right, it just didn’t feel right, and I needed to know you had something. Something of me that you could use if you weren’t happy. Some small connection to me if you needed it. I knew you would figure it out. And, once you did, it seemed safest to stay on that path. A piece of blank paper. Even if someone else looked at it, they wouldn’t know. But you would know how to find the messages. I was afraid if someone tried to talk to you, that you might not know if they were with me or not. Or, it would be noticed and then he would tighten things up even more, making it so I couldn’t get to you.” I sighed. “I was just … so afraid, Rabbit. So afraid I wouldn’t get the chance to right my wrong, to make you safe and get you back. So I went overboard.”