“Why?”
“I was a mess, Rabbit. We hadn’t been seeing each other for very long before it happened. She certainly wasn’t emotionally invested in us enough to want to stick around while I recovered.”
She regarded me for a minute then pulled herself up and kissed me sweetly. “I would have stayed. I would have supported you through that dreadful time. You are too remarkable to give up on, Joshua.”
Touched by her words, I smiled and kissed her again. “I know you would have. But you are special, Rabbit. There are very few women out there like you.”
She curled back onto my chest, her one hand now softly stroking my skin. “I think you are an amazing man, Joshua Bennett. I don’t think I have properly thanked you for taking care of me and being so wonderful. You are … so incredible.”
My throat clenched with sudden understanding.
“Don’t, Rabbit. Don’t do this.”
Her voice was soft. “Do what?”
I pulled her face up to look at me. “Don’t start saying goodbye. Don’t tell me all the things you think you need to say. Just don’t.”
We stared intently at each other and I felt her slight nod of acknowledgment. I leaned down and captured her sweet mouth. Our lips moved together softly, languidly, never trying to deepen or push past the soft moment. Eventually, I pulled away and settled her back on my chest.
“I love you, Joshua,” she whispered, her voice low.
“I love you as well, Rabbit. So much.”
For a while there was nothing but the sound of her soft breathing and the hiss and pop of the logs in the fireplace.
“I still think you’re sexy,” she said sleepily.
I tightened my arms around her and chuckled. “Good to know, Rabbit. Good to know.”
She was asleep. I smiled as I looked down at her. It had been a tough day for her and she had drunk more than I had ever seen her consume before. Maybe it would help her sleep through the night. After some careful maneuvering, I managed to lift her up and carry her to bed. I did have to leave her in my sweater, ducking out of it awkwardly so I didn’t disturb her. She looked so endearingly sweet in the bulky knitted material, now hanging loosely on her, the arms empty. I looked down sadly on her sleeping form, seeing that even in sleep, her face was still tense. But I was feeling the same way she was. We were both frightened of what we would find when we searched for her on the computer. The looming possibilities were terrifying and our emotions had been all over the place for most of the day. Sighing, I tucked the blankets around her and patted Bear’s head, as he was already stretched out across her feet.
I went and got my lists and sat in front of the computer. I emailed Cecilia with the items I needed her to get, and then did the same with the local merchants I used. I was grateful for Cecilia. The nearby town was small and although I could get the basics, some of the things I liked had to be brought in from further away. If Cecilia couldn’t locate the items, one of us ordered them online and they came via shipping company. But I had missed her regular calls and was looking forward to seeing her again, although I hoped her presence wouldn’t frighten Rabbit too much. There were times she was a force unto herself. She had been my assistant and friend for so long; I couldn’t even imagine my life without her. Once I was done, I sat and stared at the screen, struggling. Part of me wanted to turn it off and go downstairs and just curl up with Rabbit against me and sleep. The other part of me knew I should be actively looking for answers. That it would be easier if I did this alone, and then shared what I found with Rabbit.
I sighed. I knew what part was the right decision. My hands shaking with nerves, I opened a new search engine and began an investigation my heart didn’t want my head to work on.