“What kind of feelings?” I prompted.
“Fear. Pain. Confusion. Running. Struggling.”
I looked at her. “Maybe you’re actually remembering bits of what happened that night.”
She looked away but I saw the glint of tears in her eyes. I got up and went over to her, scooping her up and sitting down in the chair, cradling her on my lap. Bear stretched out on the rug in front of us with a sigh, knowing his attention had just ended.
“I hate hearing you cry at night and not being able to help you. But you’re so far under I can’t get you to wake up. All I can do is hold you and try to reassure you that you are safe,” I acknowledged. I felt her nod against my chest. “And then you have a headache the next day. I think it’s related.”
I held her tighter. “I know it’s hard, Rabbit, but you just have to let it happen. You can’t try and force it just because we want to know the answers. And whether you remember or not …we’ll figure it out.”
There was so much more to say. I wanted to comfort her more, but how could I when I was dreading the same thing she was? Instead of talking, I slowly stroked her hair, enjoying the softness as my fingers ran through it.
I felt her relax and drift into sleep and I settled deeper in the chair, holding her close. Neither of us had been getting a lot of sleep with the nightmares plaguing her, and I wanted her to rest. Her head was tucked up under my chin and her hands, even in sleep, clutched my shirt as if afraid I would disappear.
My fear was I would have to let her go.
But for now, she was here. With me.
I shut my eyes and relaxed; the quiet of the afternoon restful.
At some point later, my eyes flew open. I looked at the desk and watched as my phone vibrated again.
I sighed. If I was getting a phone signal that meant the power was back.
The world was about to show up.
Looking down, I saw Rabbit’s eyes were open and looking at the desk as well.
“I think the power is back,” I said quietly, stroking her cheek.
“What happens now?”
“I’ll go to the barn and turn off the generators and get things going. Turn on the furnace. That sort of thing.”
“And then?”
I sighed. “We’ll take it one step at a time, Rabbit. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I nuzzled her forehead in comfort. “Make me some of your delicious coffee while I go get things done in the barn?” I mumbled against her soft skin.
She nodded silently, and I tightened my arms around her before we got up from the chair. I went and pulled on my parka, walking slowly out to the barn, painfully aware of the fact that things were about to change.
How exactly, I didn’t know. But something was telling me it wouldn’t be in a good way.
I came in and went to the kitchen, Bear pushing ahead of me to get to his Rabbit first. She was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and, wordlessly, she got up and brought one to me. I nuzzled her forehead and took a sip.
“All done?”
I nodded. “I turned off the generators and refilled them in case another storm blows through. I’ve got everything switched over. The furnace will warm the whole house fairly quickly.”
She nodded. “What’s next?”
I watched her hands twisting in her lap. I captured them in mine and lifted them to my lips. “I’ll sign-in on the computer and check emails and contact a few people. When you’re ready, and not before, we’ll do some checking. Not until you’re ready, Rabbit.”
She let out a shaky breath, nodding.
I stood up, holding out my hand. “Come upstairs with me.”
Once upstairs, I handed her a notepad and asked her to make lists of things that were needed and I would contact my usual local merchants, making sure they were capable of making deliveries again. She immediately started writing and I returned to the desk and turned on the computer. It took a long time to download all the messages waiting for me. I went through them all, quickly sent some replies, deleted any junk and prioritized the rest. I kept checking on Rabbit behind me and noticed the fearful looks as she would glance toward the computer; like it was going to suddenly jump up and grab her. I stood up and went over to her, kneeling by the chair. Wordlessly, I cupped her face, my thumbs drawing light circles on her skin as I drew her mouth to mine. I kissed her softly, running my tongue over her bottom lip. She sighed and returned my caresses and I tilted her head, deepening the kiss. She flung her arms around my neck, holding me close, and I continued kissing her until we were both breathless. Pulling back I rested my forehead against hers. “Not until you’re ready, Rabbit,” I insisted quietly.
We both jumped when a shocked voice came from behind me.
“Joshua, what the hell?”
I turned and looked at the stunned face on my computer screen.
Fuck.