Regan searched for a lie to appease her friend.
“I’m having some issues with my body. I’ve never talked to anyone about it.” The words shocked her because they were true.
“Huh?”
“I’m self-conscious about my boobs.”
“Are you serious right now?” Casey asked. “That’s why you’ve been acting all weird? That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?”
Regan never told a soul that she wrapped her breasts for soccer, and she really hated having to reveal it to Casey just to placate her. Why couldn’t she think of a lie? She was supposed to tell her friend a lie!
“I tape them down,” she whispered. “For soccer. I have to. They get in the way. I hate them. Always have. I’m self-conscious about them all the time. You think that’s stupid, don’t you? That I should be happy to have these things.”
Casey shook her head. “I don’t think it sounds stupid. I am a little confused, though. How does one tape down boobs?”
Regan sighed. “I wrap them really tightly with a body bandage. Like a compression bandage.”
“Oh my God,” Casey whispered. “Regan, that can’t be good for your boobs.”
“What do you mean?”
“Smashing them down like that.”
“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” Regan huffed.
The entire conversation was absurd. She should be in the office right now talking to the principal! Why was Jeremy suddenly unimportant? Because she knew everyone was safe until April? That bought her time to have a ludicrous discussion with her friend about breasts? Get your priorities in order, Regan, for fuck’s sake.
“I don’t know,” Casey replied.
“I don’t talk about it with anyone because it’s embarrassing. It’s enough I have to hear it from my mom all the time: ‘Where’d you get those tatas, Regan?’”
Casey’s mouth dropped open.
“Yeah,” Regan said in answer to her friend’s unspoken question. “She seriously says tatas.”
“OMG.”
Regan nodded.
“It’s obviously upsetting to you, and I get it,” Casey began, “but I’d kill for your boobs, Regan.”
“Not if they got in the way of something you really loved, you wouldn’t,” Regan replied.
“Hmmm. But you do all that running around,” Casey thought out loud. “Like, we’re talking tons of burned calories.”
Regan chuckled. “I know, right? I shouldn’t have anything going on up here.”
Casey crinkled her brows, and then her face lit up. “I read an article in Seventeen or somewhere that girls who have big boobs produce more progesterone than estrogen in their bodies.”
Regan blinked. “And what am I supposed to do with that?”
Casey shrugged. “I don’t know. Can you take something to even everything out?”
Regan laughed. “I don’t know. But thanks for letting me know my hormones are all out of wack.”
Casey chewed her lip in thought. “I don’t think that’s what the article was saying.”
Regan grunted.
“You’ll grow into them. It’ll be amazing. Just give yourself, like, five more years.”
Casey’s hopeful look triggered the button, and Regan couldn’t contain her reaction. She burst into a fit of giggles.
“Where are you getting five years?” she cackled. “So random.”
Casey giggled, too. “I don’t know. It sounded good.”
The girls laughed as they walked together to their lockers.
“I really am sorry,” Regan said finally, watching Casey empty her book bag.
“I know you are.”
“Forgive me?”
“Regan, I can’t stay mad at you if I tried,” Casey replied. “But you can’t be all wrapped up in your problems.” She paused with a grin, waiting for Regan’s reaction.
Regan smirked. “You always were the clever one.”
Casey laughed. “Come on, you know that was good.”
“I’m not denying it. Now stop making fun of me,” Regan said.
Casey draped her arm over Regan’s shoulder. “Oh, Regan, you know I love you and your big boobs. We’ll work it out. Somehow.”
They walked, arms wrapped around each other, to first period. She was almost in the clear, having avoided Jeremy all morning. She would go to the office during lunch. That’s what she decided. Plus, the morning hours would allow her time to think of the right words to say—maybe even fashion some in his defense. Though she knew his plan was wrong, she still felt sorry for him. She still understood on some level why he believed it was the right thing to do.
His face flashed into view, and the memory of his naked back along with it. There they were: The words. The motto. Something to live by. To live for. Let them be like chaff before the wind.
She cursed her ill luck. She was almost safely inside the classroom! But she couldn’t escape the words now. Or him. Their eyes met. Hers were the size of saucers. Dead giveaway. His eyes narrowed. He knew she flip-flopped.
You betrayed me, his eyes flashed.
But you betrayed me first! her eyes shot back.
The message was loud and clear. In an instant, he disappeared.
***
He knew she was a bright girl, but he gambled with his chances anyway. After all, how much thought would she really put into learning about his tattoo? Why the hell would she waste her time on it at all? He knew she’d go home that night and look it up. She told him she would. That’s why he didn’t bother to explain it to her at the garage. Now he wished he had. She learned too much. She figured things out she shouldn’t have. And that pushed him into limbo all over again. Either that girl had to trust him for good or he’d have to take care of her. He shuddered, thinking about how to “take care of her.”