"I'm said I was busy." But she turned around, toward me. Away from Jed.
From behind her, Jed said, "You heard what June said, Cade. She's busy. Now, you need to leave here before you do something that gets you arrested for harassment."
I could hear him talking, but his voice faded into the background, mixed together with the cacophony of sounds, the music and the voices underneath the tent. June was in front of me, looking up at me. I couldn't think of anything else except her.
"Just a minute, Jed," June said. Jed glared at me, and walked away, a few feet to the side, but I could see him staring at us out of the corner of my eye. June crossed her hands over her chest. "What do you want, Cade?"
"You." I don't know if it was seeing Jed talking to her like that, knowing that he wanted her, but I was suddenly filled with total clarity about what I wanted.
"Say what you have to say."
"No," I said. "I want you." It was the really first honest thing I'd said in a long time. I wanted her. I didn't care what it took or what I had to give up to have her. I only knew I wanted her, and not just for right now.
"Well, I don't know if I want you."
"Bullshit," I said. I leaned over, and picked her up, slung her up over the top of my shoulder, carrying her out of the tent.
"Fuck you, Cade," she said. "I swear to God, if you're showing my ass to this entire place -"
"Goddamnit, Cade," she yelled, outside of the tent. She punched me in the back. "Put me down." I set her down on the ground, and she hit me in the chest this time. "What the hell are you doing, carrying me out of there like some kind of fucking caveman?"
"It was too loud in there. I couldn't hear you."
"It was too loud in there? That's your fucking excuse for acting like a complete Neanderthal?" she asked, her voice getting louder.
I heard footsteps behind me. "June, are you okay?" Jed's voice.
She nodded. "Yeah, Jed, I'm fine. Just give me some space."
"You let me know if I need to take care of anything," he said.
"So, what, are you with Jed now?" I glanced back at him, retreating back into the tent.
"What if I were, Cade? It's none of your business, is it?" she asked. "You're the one who's leaving here. You ran out of my house, remember?"
"June, that's not - "
"Save it," she said, anger flashing behind her eyes. "I don't want to hear it. Did you really think I thought you were going to stay here, that we would have some kind of happy ever after? You said it yourself. You're too fucked up for me. You want to wallow in self-pity, think you're too fucked up to be happy, convince yourself that this self-destructive path you're on is the only thing you deserve, it's not my fucking problem."
"June, I -"
She held up her hand. "You're not going to say anything that makes a difference, Cade. It's time to let go. For both of us." She turned to walk away, and I grabbed her arm.
"Let me go, Cade."
"I can't." I just couldn't.
"Let me go." She pulled her arm from my grasp, and started to walk away.
"I can't let you go, June," I said. She stopped, but didn't turn around. Just stood still, motionless.
"I love you," I said. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember. I've loved you since before I knew what it meant to love anyone. Since I was a kid, June."
June turned around, stood still. I couldn't read the expression on her face.
"There's been no one since you, June. No one that matters. It's you. It always has been. I lost you once. I can't lose you again." My voice shook.
There. I said it.
It was everything I had.
I felt naked, standing there before her, waiting for her to open her mouth and just destroy me with her words.
I don't love you.
It's what I was waiting to hear.
"Take me home," she said, her voice so soft I didn't think I heard her.
I reached for her hand, drew her against me, held her against my chest.
Where she belonged.
"Take me home now," she said.
June
We didn't even make it home. I was speeding home, all too eager to get Cade out of his clothes and inside my bed. I didn't know what the hell to make of what he'd said. He was in love with me.
I hadn't said it back.
I didn't know if I could love anyone. Maybe I was just a coward. But a coward with good reason to be afraid. Everyone I loved died.
I couldn't think about it. I couldn't think about anything, hearing him say the words. All I knew was that I wanted him too. I didn't know what was going to happen for us. I just wanted right now.
With all that in my head and my libido in overdrive, when I saw the turn up ahead for the river access road, West Bend's own little lovers lane, I veered off in that direction.
"Remember this?" I asked, as we bumped and bounced down the tiny dirt road.
"How could I forget? I wonder if people even come here anymore."