“What in the sane hell did you do to your hair?” I laughed as I pulled one of the black strands.
She didn’t have time to answer before someone slammed into Ryker, throwing him into me, and causing his beer to spill down my back, which was bare from my spaghetti-strapped dress.
“What the fuck, asshole?” The venom in Ryker’s voice caused me to spin around, where I found him holding the stumbling transgressor by the collar. His neck was red, veins popping out as he breathed through his nostrils.
“Ryker, it’s fine,” I whispered in futility under the over-pumped bass coming from the speakers. “Ry!” I yelled as a circle started to form around him.
He snapped his head toward me the second time I called his name and swallowed hard as he let go of the stranger’s collar. Wordlessly, he grabbed my hand as his eyes pierced through mine. As we pushed past Tosha, whose eyes were as wide open as her mouth, I shrugged and mouthed “I’ll call you.”
Ryker gripped my hand harder as we—I—speed-walked to keep up with him toward his car.
“Ryker . . . Ryker . . .” He wasn’t responding to me, but I watched his shoulders rise and fall under his deep breaths. My hand started to hurt. “Ryker, you’re hurting me!” I shrieked when I thought my pinky knuckle was going to break.
“Jesus Christ, Natalie, I’m sorry.” He almost threw my hand down and ran both hands over his head as he paced back and forth in front of his car. “That guy was such a dick, and I ruined your dress. Did I hurt you? Fu—”
“No, I’m sorry,” I cut in, stepping cautiously toward him. I took his hands in mine, forcing him to stop pacing. “Today was really intense—we shouldn’t have come here—”
Ryker slammed his fists on the roof of his car, cutting me off. “What the fuck!” he growled, pressing his head into his doorframe.
“Let’s just go back to my dorm okay? I don’t have a roommate this summer, remember?” I tried for a coy smile, but I’m sure it looked more nervous than anything.
He nodded. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
I foolishly breathed a huge sigh of relief as I got into the car and we headed back to my dorm. The nightmares started that night—for both of us.
*
“I’m sorry,” Eric whispers as he kisses tears off my cheek.
I pull my head away. “What?”
“About our fighting lately, Natalie. I know things have been tense lately. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“You didn’t.” I sniff and wipe away my tears as I roll my back to Eric.
“But, you’re crying . . .”
“I know. It wasn’t you . . . hey, I forgot to remind you, but tomorrow is the boys’ kindergarten screening—”
“Seriously, Natalie?” he cuts me off.
“Seriously,” I say without rolling to face him.
“It’s two days before my presentation—”
“Don’t worry if you can’t make it. I’ve got this shit handled.” I know it’s two days before his presentation, and I don’t need him there for registration. But, I refuse to not tell him about life events just to prevent guilt he may or may not feel.
Eric lets out a long sigh and we’re both quiet for a long time, each wanting the other to think we’re asleep.
Chapter 16
“I wonder if I should try to get ahold of Ryker,” I say to Tosha on the phone as I get the boys ready for the screening.
“Are you trying to make me drive off the road?”
“No . . . I mean . . . after, what? Nine and change years after I break up with him and he’s all in my head again? It’s like the universe is trying to tell me something . . . or something.” I pat the boys on the head and finish the call in the bedroom.
Tosha lets out a long groan. “I don’t know, Natalie. Maybe it’s just whatever drove you to Lucas’s grave the other day. It’s been ten years since he died . . . that’s a milestone. I think it all just trudged that ugly shit up in your brain.”
“It wasn’t all ugly, Tosh . . .”
“No, it wasn’t. But when it was, it was really bad. I lost you for like eight months, Natalie—more than that if you want to get technical. It only had to hurt once, Nat. Don’t make it hurt again. Just let it go.”
*
Ryker didn’t sleep the night we got home from the party. I know, because I didn’t either. I was drunk on anxiety from the turn Ryker’s personality had taken over the last twenty-four hours. I wasn’t so foolish as to think he wouldn’t struggle when he got home; I just didn’t know what to do about it.
By the time dawn stretched over the horizon, I heard Ryker’s breathing even out. He’d reached over and held my hand before he fell asleep. I left our fingers entwined as I listened to his peaceful breathing.