I stop and think for a minute while chewing my bottom lip. “Run the other way?”
“Then yes, take some. But remember to protect them like you would your gun. If someone gets their hands on one, they can pull the pin, and blow you both to pieces.”
“Won’t happen.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“Because Wilson wants me alive, and blowing me away defeats that purpose.”
“True, but not every guard is going to follow orders, and the crazy Sinners won’t always either.”
I instinctively rub the brand around my neck and lower my eyes.
“Lexi, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean … ” His voice trails off, and he steps forward.
I put my hand out in front of me. “It’s fine. Let’s not lose focus.” I swallow hard, blink back a tear, and continue examining weapons. “Is there really a difference between them?” I ask, pointing at the grenades.
Cole cocks his head to the right while picking one up. “One’s offensive, meant to kill just by the concussion. The lighter one’s more defensive, used to throw from a covering position.”
“I’ll take the lighter one. I think that’s best, right?”
“It’s your call. I trust your judgment.”
“Wait, what? Did I hear you correctly?” I ask, cocking my head and smiling at him. “Seriously? You trust me now?”
“Yeah, but trusting and accepting are two very different things.”
Cole’s lips part as he moves toward me. He wraps his arms around my waist, hoisting me onto the table. He parts my legs and stands between them, rubbing his hands up my thighs toward my hipbones. I suck in my bottom lip and hold it down with my teeth. He’s only inches away from me now, and he touches his forehead to mine. He takes my face between his hands and brings my mouth to his. His mouth trembles against mine as he kisses me. I lock my arms around his back, pulling him in closer. Cole’s passionate and gentle. This moment feels different somehow from before in the tent. Still, my stomach flutters, and my pulse accelerates. I want him glued to me. Then, without warning, he stops. His eyes are closed, but his face is pained. He strokes my cheeks with the outside of his fingers and furrows his brow.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
He doesn’t answer me.
“Okay, I think we need to talk now.” Reaching up, I touch his face, and again, he freezes.
At first, he says nothing, and his eyes remain glued shut. He takes a long, loud, deep breath before releasing it. The air rushes past my face, moving my hair, and I twitch. I smell the mint on his breath from the leaves he puts in his water. My stomach’s turning into knots. I’m lost, confused, and can’t tell what he’s thinking or feeling. My legs start shaking. What’s he doing?
“Cole, say something … You’re scaring me.”
He shakes his head and clenches his jaw before slowly opening his eyes. He stares at my legs for a moment before glancing up at my face.
“Now’s not the time.”
“If not now, then when?”
“I don’t know.”
“Whatever you’re keeping from me isn’t going to change the way I feel about you.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“It’s from your past, before we even met. How could it possibly—”
“Because it will. Okay?” He glances at the floor and steps away from me.
“Do you know how hard it was for me to open up to you, to be vulnerable? I told you things I swore never to tell anyone. I was ashamed and humiliated. Yet, I still took the leap and let it all out there.
“Cole, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that sometimes secrets hurt more than the truth. And right now you’re really hurting me.”
Just then, there’s a knock on the door. Cole walks away from me to open it. Grace is there with her arms wrapped around herself, her lower lip trembling. The way she looks melts the smile off my face.
“Hey,” I say. “Do you need me?”
“Actually, I do. Would you mind walking to the bathroom with me?”
“Sure. Let me grab my stuff.” I put my gun in its holster.
“I’ll get your extra magazines,” Cole says.
“This isn’t over,” I say before walking into the hallway to meet Grace.
She’s staring at the floor. Her shoulders are slumped, and she fiddles with her fingers. I loop my arm with hers and try to hide the burning pain deep in my chest. Grace needs me. Whatever secret Cole has been keeping can certainly wait another few minutes.
“Come on, it’s this way,” I say.
Nothing much has changed down here in the underground. It still feels like a dungeon in some spots. Deep down, I keep hoping Keegan’s just around the next corner. As we pass his room, I can still feel him. I hope he’s proud of me.