The bell rang, shattering the air. Everyone jumped in their shoes and began to clear out, murmuring commentary and playing the action back.
Head down, I hugged the wall until I reached the exit doors. The heat outside was like a blanket thrown over me and my eyes screwed up against the sun. I could just make out Evan striding past the bleachers, heading across the football field.
“Hey! Evan, wait!” I hurried to catch up with his long strides, but he kept going. “Hey!”
He stopped, shoulders slumped in defeat, waiting for me. I caught up to him, glared with my one visible eye.
He glared right back. “Why?” he demanded. “Just…why, Jo?”
I recoiled. “Okay, fine. Yes, I should have warned you last night…”
He jabbed a finger toward the school. “You hear the shit they were saying about you?”
“So what?” I fired back. “I expected it. I didn’t expect you to make it a million times worse by picking a fight with Matt King.”
“You’re right. Because I picked a fight with the wrong fucking guy.” He scrubbed his hand over his face, his knuckles bloody and swollen. “It was Jared, right? Why him?”
“What the hell business is it of yours?” I said, crossing my arms. “Or anyone’s? And how the hell did you know it was Jared and not Matt?”
“Jo…”
“Why are you even asking me about Jared?” I said, clutching the sides of my shirt. “Why don’t you ask him why he whores himself out to strange girls?”
“I don’t give a shit about Jared,” Evan cried. “It’s not about the fucking politics of it, Jo. You’re not a slut and I’m not going to let anyone say you are. Secondly, it hurts to hear you were with another guy, okay? Especially when that guy has been one of the biggest assholes to me for three fucking years, never letting me live down my time at Woodside.” Evan’s eyes darkened as he looked harder at me. “Is that why you picked him? Jared of all fucking guys?”
I rocked back on my heels. “Are you serious? I picked Jared because he was there. That’s it. There’s no conspiracy. You haven’t told me about the time you were at Woodside, and you know what? I haven’t asked. Did you notice that? I didn’t ask because I was trying to give you space about it. Or the benefit of the doubt. Because I don’t give a shit about what the rumors say.”
Evan ground his teeth, thinking; I could see the muscles in his jaw twitch.
My instinct was to snap back, to walk away. But I moved a step closer instead.
“And I should have told you about Jared, but it all happened before you and I. And he wasn’t there last night. He wasn’t there, Evan. It was just you and me. For the first time, the old pain…that wasn’t there either.”
A short silence and then Evan relented. “Yeah, okay, Jo.”
“I fucked up with Jared,” I said, my arms crossed. I kicked at a clump grass. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you.”
Evan sighed. “You didn’t fuck up. I’m not pissed at you. Maybe I should be, but I’m not. It’s none of my business, like you said. But what they say about you, that’s my business. It’s my business now. I know you can handle yourself, Jo, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to take care of you.”
I turned my head away to hide the sudden sting of tears in my eyes. “That’s just the future firefighter in you talking.”
“Hey, come here.”
Evan drew me to him, wrapped his arms around me. My eyes fell closed with relief, as we held each other in the center of the football field, with the early morning sun blazing down on us. And then I felt Evan tense a little, a shadow falling over us.
“Who else wasn’t there, Jo?” Evan asked quietly. “The old pain. The other person who hurt you.”
I looked up to see him staring at me with the question in his eyes, and the vulnerability that he asked it. He somehow knew about my ghosts. I fought for something to say but the truth was sitting like bile on my lips, waiting for me to spit it out. And he knew.
I drew back to look up at him. The eyes staring back me were vulnerable, yet certain.
He knew. And instead of freaking me out, it felt a little bit like relief.
“I’m scared, Evan,” I said. “I’m scared to let it out.”
“I know, sweetness. I’m scared too. About telling you my stuff. I’m afraid you’ll think I’m crazy like the rest. And that scares me more than anything.”
Evan brushed the hair from my scar, and trailed his fingers over it softly. He kissed my cheek, my tears. “Let’s be different, Jo. I need us to be honest. I don’t want to hide anything from you. Not one damn thing. My whole fucking life is not talking about the things that feel right to me. Things as natural to me as taking a breath.”
I turned my face up. I lifted my chin and let the light and warmth of day shine on my scar. “It wasn’t a car accident.”