I put my arms around his neck and kissed him long and hard, stealing his breath to keep for my own. When I stepped away, the smile on his face was dazed.
“See you tomorrow,” I said, taking my bike down the walk to my front door. “Okay?”
“Okay.” I could barely see him in the light of the streetlamp, but I heard the smile, coloring his words. “Good night, Jo.”
I went to bed that night and for the first time in my teenage life, I fell asleep like a normal girl: not remembering tearing skin or bathtub suicides, but thinking dreamily of her first kiss with a boy she liked.
If there was never anything more between Evan and I, if the ground swallowed him up or if Gerry moved us the next day, at least I had those minutes in my bed when I felt nothing was wrong with me. When I felt beautiful and important.
I drifted between awake and asleep.
Floating.
Not on air, but on water.
And the next morning, it was back to good ol’ rock bottom.
“Hey, it’s Jo-Jo-Joker, the Ho-Ho-Whore.”
Laughter followed me down the hall. I walked faster, head down, stomach roiling. Not at the stupid insult or the snake hiss of whispers behind me, but because I had been so careless. So stupid.
Evan’s going to hear and I hadn’t warned him last night.
I was at my locker during first break, switching out my calculus book for chemistry, when I heard a scuffle further down the hallway. Sounds of swearing and scuffs. A fight and I knew without looking who it was.
Too late, Jo-Jo-Joker…
I wanted to turn and run. Instead, I hurried to where a small crowd was starting to gather around Evan and Matt King. Evan had Matt pressed up against a bank of lockers and his normally unreadable face was twisted with rage. Matt was nearly a head taller than Evan but looked ready to piss his pants.
“Shut your ugly mouth.” Evan’s voice was a snarl I’d never heard before. He looked like he was barely keeping himself in check.
“Get the fuck off me.” Matt’s voice was choked from Evan’s forearm shoved under his chin. His eyes darted around the hall, looking for help from his posse. “Jared,” he managed to call out.
I looked to see Jared Piltcher rounding the corner with girlfriend, Laney, his arm slung over her shoulders. He stopped in his tracks, eyes widening at the situation. Then he strode into the crush of bodies, shoving his way through. His hand grabbed for Evan’s shoulder. Evan shoved him off without taking his eyes from Matt.
“You’re done, asshole,” Evan said “You’re fucking done talking about her. You got it?”
Jared had a fistful of Evan’s shirt, yanking hard. “Get off him, freak.”
Evan’s head turned back. His eyes were murderous. Then the rage melted out of his expression, and a peculiar look came over his face. His forearm fell away from Matt’s throat and he turned all the way to face Jared. The noise level in the hall dropped, except for Matt coughing as he staggered away.
I held my breath as Evan and Jared stared each other down.
“It was you,” Evan said, carving each word out of the air.
Jared took a miniscule step back, his face pale. I would’ve laughed if I weren’t so nauseous.
Laney Jacobson had come to stand next to Jared. His eyes flicked to her, then back to Evan. He hitched the strap of his backpack higher on his shoulder. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Evan’s eyes found me, standing at the edge of the crowd.
I read an apology there, for dragging this stuff out into the hallway for the whole school to see.
Evan took a step back. “Forget it. Never mind.”
“Oh, no you don’t.” Now Jared moved after him, his hands balling into fists. “I want to know what you’re getting at, Freakshow.”
I saw the ire rise up in Evan’s face again and the clench of his jaw against it. He glanced at me, his expression a mix of pleading forgiveness and heated anger.
“Forget it, Piltcher,” he said, and turned to go.
Jared gave him two steps. Then let his backpack slide off his shoulder as he lunged toward Evan. He seized the collar of Evan’s shirt and spun him around, the other fist swinging. Evan side-stepped the blow and slugged a left hook into Jared’s face.
The sound of fist on flesh is like nothing else. The tense hush in the hallway made the blow even louder, like the thwack of a basketball on a gym floor. Then everyone seemed to yell at once and surged like a mob, tightening the circle around the fight. Laney’s shriek rose above it all as she knelt by Jared, who had sunk to the floor. He brushed her off, spitting out a mouthful of blood and a tooth.
“You’re dead.” Jared spat another wad of blood as he looked up at Evan. “You’re done, Freakshow. I will fucking end you.”
The crowd stared, bristling with anticipation. Evan shook his head with a disgusted exhale. He pushed through the crowd, heading for the exit doors. A clanking rattle as he shoved one open and stepped into the rectangle of blinding light outside. Then he was gone.