“Jesus, what’s wrong with us?” Ellen asked in between giggles. She wiped her eyes. “Are we mental?”
Clara couldn’t breathe for the fresh wave that hit her. She pounded the table with laughter, trying desperately to gulp down air, feeling her body give up the ghost of the past. They could call her a freak, make fun of her in every way, and she no longer cared. Her mother had made a joke, and Clara didn’t care about anything else but sitting at the table in their tiny kitchen laughing her heart out.
***
“How was the psych ward, Clara?” Amy asked. She had never said a word to Clara until now, and Clara liked it that way because she was afraid of Amy. But that was before. Clara was not afraid of Amy anymore.
“Very relaxing,” Clara replied sweetly. “Thank you for asking.”
Amy was not deterred. “Did you go in there screaming and threatening their lives? Did they have to strap you down? Put you in one of those strait jackets?”
Students congregated in the hallway to listen. Clara noticed that Florence was among them.
“Did they give you a lobotomy?” Amy asked, emboldened by the growing crowd.
Clara thought for a moment. “All of the above,” she replied.
A few students laughed. Amy was furious.
“I can’t imagine what you looked like foaming at the mouth,” she sneered.
“Not pretty, let me tell you,” Clara said. “But they just stuck a needle in my arm, and before I knew it, I was sleeping like a baby.”
More students laughed, and Amy doubled her efforts.
“So now you’re taking all kinds of pills because you’re a psycho?!” she screamed.
Clara grinned at her. “So many that sometimes I can’t keep track, and that’s never a good thing. You better watch out,” she said playfully in a singsong voice. She turned to Florence who stood staring in wonder. And then Florence smiled at her, and Clara smiled back.
“You’re a fucking psycho, Clara!” Amy yelled desperately.
Clara turned on her heel and headed down the hallway. She heard Florence say, “You’re a bitch, Amy,” and other students muttering in agreement. She continued down the corridor passing right by Evan whom she didn’t notice.
***
Clara was absorbed in the words of a new novel and did not notice him. Only when she looked up at the sound of the tardy bell did she see him sitting beside her. She jumped, but she said nothing. He said nothing. He opened his notebook and held his pen. She blinked a few times, unsure if she was hallucinating. But he was there. Silent, but there.
***
Evan sat beside her for the rest of the week. He never said a word, and neither did she. She read them, not spoke them. And the few that she did have were stolen away, drowned in the glass of water she used to wash down her pills. The bell rang, he sat down. The bell rang fifty minutes later, he walked out.
***
She looked up from her novel as she sat at her usual table in the cafeteria. He stood over her, holding his tray, waiting. She nodded, and he sat down across from her. He uncapped his bottled water and unwrapped his sandwich. He said nothing as he ate, only handing her an extra napkin when he noticed she didn’t have one. She took it and said, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
***
The bell rang and she got up to leave.
“May I walk with you?” he asked.
She nodded, and he fell in step beside her as they made their way down the hallway. Students gawked, and she didn’t care.
She reached her locker and opened it. She changed out her books as he watched her. When she was through, she closed her locker and waited. She didn’t know what he expected her to do.
“I’ll be seeing you, Clara,” he said, and walked off.
***
They were in the middle of another silent lunch when she sneezed.
“God bless you,” Evan said.
“Thank you,” she replied.
He went back to eating his pizza, and she couldn’t stand it.
“Why are you sitting with me?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he replied.
She didn’t talk for the rest of the lunch period.
***
He caught up to her at her car. She was searching for her car keys.
“Hey,” he said tentatively.
She looked up from her purse. “Hi.”
“I didn’t sleep with her,” he blurted. “Amy. After you and I broke up. I didn’t sleep with her. It was a rumor that started. I just didn’t deny it.”
Clara stared at him.
“I just wanted you to know,” he said, then walked to his car.
***
He came into class early. She was already in her seat. He sat down beside her and pulled out his notebook.
“I didn’t mean it,” Clara said. “When I said I wasn’t sorry for what I’d done. I didn’t mean it.”
“I know,” Evan replied softly. He chewed his lower lip, thinking. “I’m sorry about the dress, Clara. I didn’t know what to do. I made the wrong choice because you’re right. I’m selfish.”
Clara shook her head. “I was scared,” she said. “I was scared of everything. Ms. Debbie died. The only adult who knew. She took care of us, you know? She helped us when she could. But then the second delinquency notice came for the property tax, and I was afraid they’d take our house away. I didn’t know what to do. I was terrified of being homeless, and I didn’t make enough money.”
Evan closed his eyes. She had never revealed the details to him, and he realized he didn’t want to hear them. They were too painful.
Clara swallowed hard. She hadn’t felt any real, strong emotion in weeks.
“I was desperate,” she whispered.
“I know, Clara,” she heard him say as the bell rang.
***
“I didn’t want to lose you,” Evan said at lunch.
Clara looked up from her book.
“It was stupid, but I thought I would lose you either way,” he said. “If I told you about the dress at your house, you would be so embarrassed that you wouldn’t want to see me anymore. I chose wrong. I was hoping no one at prom would even notice, but I convinced myself that Amy and her friends weren’t that cruel. Because I’m an idiot.”