“Yes,” she said quietly, and Evan didn’t pry.
They worked all day, and though the weather was chilly, they were breathing heavily and caked with sweat when it was all over. But the yard looked beautiful, clean and trim, and Clara rejoiced that it was one less thing she had to be ashamed about on her long list of embarrassing things.
“I believe we discussed frozen yogurt,” Evan said as they sat at the kitchen table late in the afternoon downing glasses of water. Clara wished she had ice.
“Maybe another time,” Clara said. “We’re dirty.”
Beatrice pouted. Evan let his eyes rove over Clara and thought she never looked so sexy. The knees of her pants where dirt-stained from kneeling and pulling weeds. She had brown streaks on her cheeks from wiping sweat away with her dirty garden gloves. Her ponytail was tangled and knotted and sported a few pieces of stray leaves and pine straw. He watched her lick her lips after another swallow of her water, the moisture glistening on her full mouth, and he wanted to lunge at her from across the table, tackle her to the floor, taste the dirt and salty sweat on her. He wished that Beatrice was somewhere far away.
“Please Clare-Bear,” he heard Beatrice whine, and forced himself out of his fantasy.
“I don’t mind going like this if you don’t,” Evan said.
“Well, I do,” Clara replied.
“Oh Clara,” Beatrice said. “You look beautiful as you always do.”
Evan wanted to agree, “Fuck yeah!” but kept his mouth shut.
“Please let’s go for fro-yo,” Beatrice pleaded.
“Fro-yo?” Clara mocked. “It’s fro-yo now?”
“Well, that’s what everyone calls it,” Beatrice replied scowling.
“But not you, Bea,” Clara said. “Because you’re not an idiot.”
Beatrice harrumphed and crossed her arms over her chest. Evan looked at Clara as if to say, “You know you’re going to lose this one.”
“Fine,” Clara said, and Beatrice squealed.
Chapter 9
Clara hadn’t seen Jen, Meredith, or Katy for two weeks—not since the embarrassing blowup at the mall. She figured they would never try to talk to her again, and a part of her was relieved. The other part was undecided. She did want girlfriends, she just didn’t know if she wanted those particular girls as friends. She certainly could never let them come over to her house. She felt like it was impossible to have normal friendships because of her home life. But then Beatrice did. Why couldn’t she? Then she realized it was because Beatrice was good at lying. She could keep her friends away from the house with all sorts of made-up stories. Clara wasn’t lucky enough to be such a good liar. She was a prisoner to her secrecy instead, and in that moment, she fumed with hatred for her mother.
She was at her locker putting books away, vaguely aware of a pixie walking towards her.
“Hey, Clara,” Katy said, tentatively approaching her.
“Hi, Katy,” Clara said. She closed her locker door softly.
“I’m really sorry about the mall thing,” Katy said. “I didn’t know.”
Clara looked at the floor. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for yelling at you in front of everyone. I really embarrassed myself.”
“I don’t think sometimes,” Katy said. “It’s my fault. I don’t think sometimes about other people’s situations.”
Clara shrugged.
“We looked for you,” Katy continued. “We walked around the parking lot forever looking for you.”
Clara couldn’t hide her surprise. She would have never believed it and felt instantly ashamed for thinking that the three girls were bitches.
“I wanted you to know that,” Katy said quietly. “We would have never left you alone. How did you get back to school?”
“I took the city bus,” Clara replied.
“Oh,” Katy said. She shuffled her feet. “Jen and Meredith wanted to come talk to you, too, but they didn’t want you to think we were ganging up on you.”
“Oh,” was the only thing Clara could say.
“We’re sorry about everything,” Katy said. She waited for Clara to respond, but Clara stood motionless, the words stuck in her throat. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” Katy said after a time and turned to leave.
“Okay,” Clara replied and watched as Katy strolled down the hallway. She regretted that she may have ruined a chance at being good friends with girls who turned out to be nice after all, and for a split second thought about calling out to Katy to ask if she’d like to sit with her at lunch. But then she remembered that she had secrets to keep. She cursed softly and made her way to health class.
Her mood lifted when she saw Evan. She loved sitting beside him in class. Sometimes he talked a lot; sometimes very little. But he always greeted her, and he always said her name. She thought that maybe he just liked saying it, the way the back of his tongue hit the roof of his mouth to make the “k” sound, and how it rolled forward so that the front of his tongue pressed against the back of his upper teeth to form the “l” sound. Perhaps that’s why he said her name so often. He liked what it did to his tongue.
She said very little to him in class. It was mostly because of the other students. They didn’t gawk anymore, but she still sensed their confusion. And anger. The anger was palpable, and it bothered her. Were they all on Amy’s side? And why? She broke up with Evan, Clara thought. Why would she care so much about me?
“What are you doing this afternoon?” Evan asked Clara as she took her seat beside him.
“I have to work,” Clara replied.
“And when do you get off?”
“Eight.”
“When is Beatrice finished with her dog walking?” Evan asked.
“Five thirty or so,” Clara said. “What’s with all the questions?”
Evan grinned. “I thought about bringing over takeout,” he said. “Chinese food. What do you think?”
“That’s really nice of you, but we’re okay,” Clara said. Chinese food! she screamed inside, and felt her stomach twist in knots, begging for one small taste.
“Well, suppose I just bring it over anyway,” he said.