Holt's Holding (Part One)

chapter 9





What had happened last night was more than enough for me. It had to be. I needed to let him and last night go. I couldn’t afford to allow my heart into this. I understood who and what Charlie was. He was someone that in the end would and most definably will hurt me. Yes, I knew precisely who he was. The Gamble was great and I played, I was all in before I realized it. Stupid!

Shaking my head, I walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on.

Leaning of over the counter, I brushed my teeth then climbed into the shower. There was so much running thru my mind. My job, Sam the apartment…a lot of loose ends that need attention. Therefore, it was good, I was meeting my nana…every Sunday, I met her for Sunday mass. It was a drive up north. It was as if I was driving home.

I stepped from the shower drying off, and put my robe on.

I was quick to pull my hair back into a braid and put my makeup on, just enough not to look over done. I looked at myself and for the first time all weekend I looked like me…the girl I was. If only I could be her again. Now that was a fantasy.

I walked out and to the closet pulling a pair of stone colored slacks and a purple polo button down, belt and heels.

Back to the room, I appraised the bed and Charlie was no longer there.

I went to the dresser and pulled out my cross. It once belonged to my mother.

It was simple on a white gold chain and made from small diamonds. My mind almost went back there had it not been for the phone call.

“Hi Nana, I’m leaving shortly I’ll be there on time.”

“Oh good…I made your favorite today, I think after mass you should come spend brunch with your Nana, I missed you this week.”

“Of course I’ll be over for brunch Nana, when have I not come over after mass?”

“I know Lilly…for some reason I have had an awful feeling that’s been festering…I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too Nana…I’ll see you soon”

“I love you Lilly.”

“Love you to Nana!” I hung up the phone and reached for my clutch having to change purse.

I paused, hearing Charlie on the phone. I couldn’t help ease drop on his conversation.

“This is done….I withdraw this wager.” His tone was firm and even a bit shrewd. The anger and determination was so evident in his tone. Who the hell was he talking too? Damn he sounded pissed.

“Yes I do!” He barked.

“What don’t you understand…the whole thing has changed…this is wrong and you bloody know it. When have we ever allowed to be misled like this?” Charlie again in a stern voice added.

It was clear he was having an argument with someone.

I stepped from the room, and his eyes landed on me watching every move. I opened the fridge and grabbed water. Turning back to him, I smiled. He tried to smile back, but it was clear he was too annoyed with the conversation.

“Give me a minute.” he spoke to whoever was on the other end.

“Where are you going Lillian?” though he tried to ask politely, it came off a bit controlling.

“Church…It’s Sunday and I’m Catholic.”

He looked at me somewhat stunned, and then his eyes dropped to the cross around my neck.

“You look lovely Lillian.” He smiled at me with a warmth that hit me hard.

“Thank you I think?”

“Will you be gone long?” again in the same tone.

“Yes, I meet my nana for a brunch every Sunday…so I’ll be back after she stuffs me full of her cooking.”

I smiled and grabbed my keys off the counter. Turning, I walked from the kitchen to the front hall.

He was quick and put his cell down. Pulling me into his arms, he forced a kiss on my lips, and I gave in; the tremble ever present for this was new to me.

Pulling from my lips, he looked down at me.

“I’m sorry Lillian, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

“It’s ok Charlie…” I was still trembling “It’s ok…this is just new for me.”

“Can we do dinner tonight?” his eyes spoke volumes…something had changed, but what?

“I’m not sure I’ll have any room, but can I think about it?” I smiled innocently hoping to keep him from assuming I was rejecting him.

“So that’s a maybe?” he grinned.

“Maybe” I smiled and watched him pick up the phone.

Turning, I shook my head and walked from the apartment.

Down to the garage and into my car. I pulled out and into the streets of down town. Making my way to President’s St. then I83 North. Yes, out to the county.

After about 15 minutes, I was finally in Baltimore county and the interstate now only two lanes. This was part of the drive I loved.

Northern Baltimore county was breath taking the trees still green and lush the drive us very windy up and down hills…It was just a peace of heaven to drive thru. I pulled off one exit early realizing I needed gas. Off the beltway, the Exxon station was just off the ramp. Hereford…this is where I had grown up…my high school just down the way. I pulled in and pumped the gas.

Returning to my car, I decided I was going to take York road the rest of the way up. Sitting at the light just at the center of Hereford, I let my windows all down…It wasn’t hot and the temp at 70 was ideal as this drive. My music, setting the tone for my mind; I felt free and happy.

The light changed, and I made my left onto York road. The church would only be about 4 miles, if that from here. I chose to drive this way, so that I could pass by my old High School…

They had made so many improvements, as I passed by it slow. I liked allowing for trips down memory lane, when life was so easy and carefree. I missed that life.

Shaking my head, how did I change so much?

Sensing I didn’t have much time, I increased my speed. Up and down the windy road, I came around the sharp turn by the little falls and my brakes felt odd…No worries they worked, but normally they were so much more sensitive.

It had to be these heels getting in the way.

Moments later, I made a left and another immediate left into the church parking lot.

Parking, I stepped from the car and like the others already walking, I stepped into the church locating my Nana. Her white hair pulled up in a high ponytail, she reminded me so much of my father. She resonated so much class. She was about 5’8 and slender. She looked nothing like most grandmothers; she was the essence of elegance in my opinion. I loved her and her no hold bars attitude. She was the picture perfect reflection of what old money was, class and pure elegance.

I knelt down and made the sign of the cross before sliding into the bench. I kissed her on the cheek.

“Hi Nana.” I whispered still smiling.

“Lilly, you look beautiful as always.” She offered a sincere kiss to my cheek.

I smiled to her waiting for her next comment. I knew what was coming.

“Does your shirt not button up higher?” She raised a brow looking to me.

“Nana…please…my breast are covered. Mrs. Peterson has more cleavage hanging out.” I gestured over to the older woman sitting in front of us.

Mrs. Peterson turned and nodded to Nana then to me. I really didn’t give a shit if she heard my comment about her shirt.

“Good morning Elizabeth.” She smiled to me. “So when will you let me introduce you to my grandson?” Her very pressured looked bore in to me and annoyed me. She was a persistent one.

“Good Morning Mrs. Peterson.” I tried to avoid her constant invitation to set me up.

“Are you dating anyone?” she asked urgently. Geez, this woman just didn’t give it up.

“No Mrs. Peterson. I don’t have the time to date.” I did my best to hide my annoyance.

“I suppose not. A young woman such as you shouldn’t be doing a man’s work. Your nana tells me you’ve really brought your father’s company back from ruins.” Her voice was laced in distain. Clearly, this woman was caught in the middle ages, when a woman had no value beyond being a wife.

“Nana talks too much. The company was never in ruins Mrs. Peterson. Moreover, I don’t run things. I’ve simply helped guide it into the present.” Looking at her, this woman perhaps knew too much or suspected the truth.

“Lilly is doing a fine job Patricia…and I think it honorable of her to step into Henry’s shoes. She is very much like her father.”

Mrs. Peterson raised an eyebrow and smiled “I suppose you are right.” I wanted to scream that this was the twenty first century at her.

“Elizabeth…does everyone call you by your middle name these days? I prefer your first name.” of course you would.

I pulled my lips tight, “Yes most do call me by my middle and I do prefer it.” Why the hell do I find myself explaining myself every Sunday to this old witch?

Nana jumped in, “Ally always called her by her middle name Patricia it was easier for her to pronounce and her preference is to be called by her middle is her choice and not what others should concern themselves with.” Nana looked to me and winked, reminding me of my father.

“Well, you entire name is beautiful Elizabeth.” She covered well.

“Thank you Mrs. Peterson.” I wanted to f*cking blow her off, but knew better. I knew Nana wouldn’t approve of such rash and inappropriate behavior.

She turned back to the front, and I shook my head.

Father Joe made his way down to the altar and we began our normal rituals of prayer, homely and such. Finally, he gave his sermon. Today’s topic was forgiveness.

Forgiveness, such an easy concept, but so hard to actually absorb. Forgiveness was a concept I had not embraced. I was filled with too much contempt. Yet the thought of Charlie had me pondering. Could he? Would he? Shaking this ridiculous notion off, there was no way to walk down this road. The moment he knew the truth, contempt would be the only thing he would see when he looked at me. I had so much baggage, that not even I could overlook it. Sighing, I listened to the rest of the sermon.

Mass crawled by as someone was trying to force me to absorb every word spoken.

Finally, over, Nana and me walked out from the church to be greeted by Father Joe.

“Elizabeth…oh, I mean Lilly. How are you this morning?’

“Well father thank you.” I stepped into his open arms.

He hugged me tight as was normal for him. He used to come to the house ever Sunday night, and play a few rounds of poker with my dad. He wasn’t like most priests…

I respected his honest and realities driven take on life.

“So will you be joining us in the rec hall for a friendly game of Poker?” He looked so hopeful.

“Sorry father Joe, but not this time. I’ve made dinner plans…well I sort of implied a commitment.”

“Well then it seems I won’t go home broke tonight,” he laughed.

“No, your money is safe with you this evening.” I added.

I never kept the winnings and always gave them to father Joe as a donation to the church. I think that was why he always insisted me attending these poker games.

He once divulged some knowledge on me when I was younger. He had said the life was very much like poker. You never know what hand you will be dealt but it is how you played that hand. It was important to know what cards were possibly out there. Knowing your opponents and knowing them well was lesson two and the potentially the most important. Nothing should go unnoticed. For those little gestures and movements, were more telling than the actual bluffs or action?

He was right…for, as life had already proven to me the first lesson. You never know what hand you will be dealt.

I knew how to play mine.

More small talk here and there; I was now hungry. Looking to Nana, I nodded.

“Ready?” she looked to me understanding I wanted to leave.

“Yes Nana, I’ll meet you at your house.”

“Sounds good Lilly…I have something for you. It was your grandfathers and I want you to have it.”

“Thanks Nana.” I kissed her cheek and walked to the car.

I looked once more, as she walked to her car. Opening my door, I sat down and put my seat belt on just to start my car.

The music was loud…and very inappropriate.

I shook my head laughing…thank god, my windows were closed. I backed the car up and pulled out of my spot…waiting for those to pull from the church parking lot. I couldn’t help but think back about all this weekend had handed me.

It had been a roller coaster ride.