“I know you’re gruff and rough and speak your mind but, no offense, Skip, this is not the time and this is also none of your business.”
“Don’t give up on him,” Skip said softly, surprising me again with his tone and the intent way he was looking at me.
Seriously, I couldn’t do this now, I didn’t have the time.
And seriously, I couldn’t do this now or ever, I didn’t have the strength left to do it.
“Skip, please, this is none of your business.”
“I told you, never seen a love like what Gordo had with Luci. I’ll also tell you, closest thing to it was how Sam was with you that night at the Shack,” Skip replied.
Oh God.
Seriously! I couldn’t do this!
“You have to stop, Skip, I can’t do this. And you have to go. The car is coming to take me to the airport, it’s going to be here soon and I need to secure the house and get Memphis and my bags to the drive.”
Skip ignored me totally.
“Didn’t think Sam could be like that. Not with anyone.”
Suddenly, my hands shot up and I pressed the pads of my fingers to my forehead hard.
Then I jerked them away, twisted them palm out and pressed them toward Skip, begging, “Please, stop. I can’t do this.”
Skip’s leathery face, if it could be believed, got soft (ish).
“That boy’s endured a lot,” he told me gently.
“I know that,” I snapped harshly, scratching at anger in the hopes it would see me through.
“You need to have patience with him. Don’t give up. What I saw of him with you, girl, he’ll –”
I shook my head again and cut him off, “No, he won’t.”
His voice got firmer and more insistent. “You have to have patience, girl.”
“You don’t know!” I cried. “You don’t know how it’s been.”
He went back to soft and gentle when he agreed, “You’re right. I don’t. I still know you gotta have patience.”
I’d had enough.
Really, could you blame me?
“It isn’t lost on me he has demons, Skip. I’ve put it together. A man doesn’t leave a professional football career to join the Army when his brother dies unless something is there, something deep, something profound. He has not shared this with me. A man does not lose his best friend and look after that man’s widow unless the bond between them is so strong death can’t break it. I know this too. He has not shared about this with me either. I’ve asked. I’ve not asked and waited for him to talk to me. We’ve fought about it. But that isn’t it. There’s a big part of his life I have no idea about. He walks away from me to have phone conversations. He leaves to meet people. I ask about this too, he doesn’t answer. He’s determined to keep those demons locked inside him, Skip, and he’s determined to keep his secrets. And I know one thing for definite about Sam Cooper. When he’s determined to do something, he’s going to do it. I tried to live with it. I tried to accept it, but I can’t. And the reason I know I can’t is, he’s gone, Skip, and it is also not lost on me that he’s not off on a goodwill mission to bring water, food and medication to drought stricken areas of Africa. He took his fucking passport. And he’s somewhere far away doing something dangerous. I know it. I’m not stupid. And I don’t have to know everything but I have to know something so I can be prepared. I deserve that. And if he loved me, he’d give me that. Whatever he’s doing means something could happen to the man I love and he should love me enough to let me decide if I want to live with that fear. And I’ll tell you what I would tell him if he’d loved me enough to give me the choice. The answer would be yes. But he should love me enough to allow me to make an informed choice, accept it and to help me learn how to live with it and prepare for the possibility that I whatever he’s doing may make me Luci. I’ve given him everything, Skip, and he’s given me so much it isn’t funny. But he’s kept important things locked away. That isn’t right. It isn’t fair. And it isn’t what a healthy relationship is based on. I can’t do it. I want it all and he won’t give it all. I asked for it and he told me I can’t have it. He told me it’s my decision and he’s right, it is so I’m making it.”
Skip took a step toward me and coaxed, “Wait it out, he’ll be back. When he comes back, I’ll talk to Hap and we’ll have a word with Sam.”
That was huge; I knew it, Skip talking to Hap to do that for me.
But I knew Sam. They would fail. If I couldn’t break through, they couldn’t.
“It won’t work,” I whispered, shaking my head.
“Woman, let us try,” Skip whispered back and my eyes locked with his.
“You know him, Skip, you know him. It won’t work.”
Skip held my eyes and I let him. This lasted awhile.
I was losing it and felt my lips tremble. Skip’s eyes dropped to them then shot back to mine.