“And you stayed,” Dad noted.
I shook my head again. “At first, that wasn’t my decision. My decision was to call you and tell you not to bring my stuff here and that I was coming home. Then he, well…” I paused, sighed and continued, “I got back, he figures me out, he knew that was my decision, he kissed me and I changed my mind.”
Dad burst out laughing.
I could see the humor but I still didn’t think anything was funny.
“Dad, I’m being serious. This is bothering me as in bothering me,” I said softly, Dad sobered and gave me his eyes.
Then both his hands came to my jaw and he dipped his face close to mine.
“All right, Kiakee, I hate to disappoint you but what Sam said holds true. That man’s got demons, plain to see. And if he’s the type of man who wants to keep ‘em locked inside, honey, there’s nothin’ you can do. So there’s not anyone who can make that decision but you. If it’s all or nothin’ for you then you gotta get out. If you can take what he can give then stay. And what I’m gonna say next is not gonna help you out a whole lot more.”
Great.
Dad kept speaking.
“The man I see with you is a man who is with you. That man loves you. He didn’t, we’d have words about you movin’ in outta wedlock and me and your Mom would be in a hotel rather than under the same roof with you and Sam sharin’ a bed.”
I totally knew Dad was not entirely okay with that.
Dad went on.
“He loves you like I love your Mom. I see in him what I feel when I look at her. And you can believe that because after Cooter, I would never, honey, never say this kinda shit to you if it wasn’t what I felt was the God’s honest truth.”
I knew this last to be true.
Dad wasn’t done.
“That said, my Kiakee deserves to have it all. She deserves a rich, famous, good-lookin’ man who thinks the sun rises and sets in her. She deserves a decent, good, loyal man who thinks the same. Sam is both ‘a those. But she also deserves to have everything she wants. If she’s willin’ to give it all, she should expect it in return. And if this doesn’t feel right, honey, right there,” one of his hands moved to press my chest, “you go with that feelin’. Because my girl is back and she deserves decent, good, loyal, gentle, rich and famous and she always did. But if that’s not givin’ it all, my girl deserves to find a man who will give all of himself right back to her.”
I stared in my Dad’s eyes.
All he said was beautiful. It was right. It was wise.
But it didn’t help me one bit.
Then Dad, being Dad, helped me.
He pressed in at my chest again and whispered, “Listen to that. Always, always listen to your heart. It’ll guide the way. You’ll know, it’s enough, it’ll tell you. You’ll know, it’s not enough and never will be, it’ll tell you. Listen to your heart, Kiakee. And when the time comes to make the final decision, your heart will lead the way.”
In that moment, a moment of blinding clarity, I knew he was so right.
Two days before I married Cooter, I couldn’t get to sleep because my heart hurt. I didn’t get it, not at my age back then. I thought it was nerves and excitement. But two days later, I didn’t rush down the aisle, beside myself with glee to be marrying the ex-quarterback of the high school football team.
I did it with uncertainty.
Because my heart was talking to me and I wasn’t old enough or wise enough to listen.
Now I was both.
And now, I was there. I let Sam kiss me and change my mind because right now, what I had with him was enough. I didn’t need it all.
Tomorrow that might change.
And until the final decision needed to be made, I would burn every moment into my brain, just as I promised. I might not need those memories. But I’d have them all the same.
I wrapped my arms around my Dad, held him close, pressed my cheek to his shoulder and whispered, “Thanks, Dad.”
Dad’s arms around me gave me a squeeze. “Anytime, Kiakee.”
Memphis, patient until now, yapped.
I pulled away and looked down at my dog. She jumped a few feet and strained the lead.
“We better walk Memphis,” Dad muttered.
“Yeah,” I muttered back.
Dad took my hand and the lead out of my other one that also held my coffee.
When he did, I took a sip of coffee.
Then I took a walk on the beach with my Dad.
An hour later, Sam still sweaty in his running gear, bags loaded in the car, Sam and I stood in the drive and waved as Kyle backed out.
My family waved back.
We stayed where we were until they were out of sight and I knew Sam hit the button on the remote because the gate started closing.
Now it was only Sam and me.
Oh man.
I felt the tears pool in my eyes, one slid over and trailed down my cheek.
Sam turned into me and with a hand at my jaw he tipped my head back so he could look at me.
His eyes moved down my cheek.
Then he whispered, “Seein’ that kills me.”
Right. There it was. The decision I made just over a week ago was the right one.