“Hey, honey, Sam’s out running,” Mom told me.
“I know, Mom,” I replied and went to the cupboard where Sam kept his travel mugs. Then I asked the cupboard, “Dad, will you walk with Memphis and me on the beach?”
I took a mug down, glancing his way to see his eyes were on Mom. Then they came to me.
Then he said, “Sure, honey.”
“Do you want a travel mug of coffee?” I asked.
“I’m nuked up, darlin’. Drink more, we’ll be stoppin’ every fifteen minutes.”
I nodded and sent a small smile to Mom. She sent me one in return.
She knew what this was about. She was curious but she wasn’t upset at being left out. She knew Dad would explain things later.
No hard feelings. This was the way it was.
I was Daddy’s little girl.
I got my coffee, leashed up Memphis and we walked out to the deck then entered the boarded walk that led down to the beach. Then we hit the beach. Then Dad took my hand and did the hard part.
“Talk to me, Kiakee.”
They had to get on the road and I needed quality Dad Time which might turn into quantity Dad Time so I didn’t delay.
“When we were talking on the phone and I was first telling you about me and Sam you said something. I mean, what you said was true but the way you said it, I haven’t forgotten.”
“What’d I say, honey?” Dad asked.
“You said the word, ‘inseparable’.” I looked to the side to see him grinning at the beach. “Why are you smiling?”
His hand gave mine a squeeze and he answered, “’Cause, Kiakee, all your life, you reminded me of your mother. You look like her, you act like her. Hell, in a way, you dress like she did when she was young. But then you were with Cooter and you became someone else. I lost you and I lost those bits of you that remind me of your mother.”
That sucked. But it was also true.
“Okay,” I whispered.
He stopped us and turned to me. “When I met your Mom, I couldn’t get enough of her.”
I felt my breath stall.
He shook his head, a small smile on his mouth as he went on.
“She made me laugh, Christ, Kiakee, never laughed so hard in my life but married her and got myself a lifetime of laughin’ that hard.”
This was true as well. Mom and Dad laughed a lot. All my life.
But thinking about it, Dad laughed more. This was because Mom was seriously funny.
I pressed my lips together.
Dad kept talking.
“And she’s beautiful, still is, but back then…” he shook his head again but his eyes stayed glued to me. “Took my breath away. Sometimes, to this day, I’ll lay in bed just to wait for her to wake up. Then she wakes up and looks at me with her beautiful eyes and her wild hair and that pretty mouth ‘a hers and I still thank my lucky stars.”
Oh my God.
I’d heard that before (kind of).
“Dad,” I whispered, moving closer and his hand dropped mine so his arm could wind around me.
“When we were new, startin’ out, no time was enough time with my Essie. Things were different then,” he looked in the direction of the house then back at me, “but, honest to God, I didn’t know your granddaddy had a shotgun, I woulda scaled the wall of their house to get to her. I told my buddies the instant I saw her I was gonna marry that girl. And I sure as heck did. I made it so. I stopped at nothin’. And I got my Essie. I knew, lookin’ at the laughter in her eyes the first time mine fell on her, she’d make sure I never regretted it. And I’m standin’ here right now with you, over three decades later, and I never did.”
I loved that. That was beautiful. I loved that my Dad had that.
I dropped my head and pressed the top of it into Dad’s chest.
His arm went from around me so his hand could curl around the back of my neck.
Then, in my hair, I heard him mutter, “Sam Cooper feels that way about you.”
I pulled in breath and lifted my head, Dad’s coming up too and I caught his eyes.
“I’m not sure,” I whispered.
“I am,” he stated firmly and I blinked.
“Dad, there are things you don’t know. He’s… we’ve… he’s holding something back from me.”
“What?” Dad asked and I shook my head.
“I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”
“You talk to him about it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, like, a gazillion times. I tried to play it cool. I tried to be patient. I tried to be gentle. I tried to be nosy and right before you guys got here, we fought about it.”
“What’s he say?”
“He doesn’t say anything except I have him.”
Dad’s head tipped slightly to the side and he said quietly, “Kiakee, from what I see, he’s not lyin’.”
I shook my head. “You don’t understand. It’s hard to explain but even Sam kind of admits that he’s holding something back. I told him I gave him all of me and I want all of him. He told me he’s given me what he has to give and if it’s all or nothing that’s my decision.”