§ chapter Eleven §
Later that evening Jacie heard music drifting from the lodge. She leaned an elbow on the back deck rail, staring at the last rays of light as the sun was pulled back down the mountain. Very quickly, darkness fell. Another day ending at Timber Falls. Her stay was almost half over. At the end of the month she would be leaving.
The timed light on her deck flickered and came on, bathing her in an eerie purplish white glow.
Jacie couldn't get Sloan out of her thoughts.
The music stopped. The parking lot was crowded with cars tonight. She lifted her face to the breeze, warm and cool at the same time. That's what she felt like, she mused, hot one moment, cold the next.
Where did she stand with Sloan? Did she want to run scared, something she had never done or find out where a relationship could lead between them? God knows she wanted to trust him and herself, but she felt so muddled with emotion.
She walked around the front of her cabin, stopping as she reached the graveled drive. For a moment, she was startled to see a man’s silhouette. For just one second, she thought it was Brad. She blinked, he moved and the light overhead shone on his face.
Sloan.
Her heart pounded and her palms began to sweat. She licked her lips as she walked toward him.
"Jacie." Her name on his lips was a sensuous stroke across skin. She trembled, shuddering as if his hand had caressed her.
"So tell me," he said conversationally, "who is he?"
"Who?" She stopped in her tracks.
"The guy who's ripping at your insides," he muttered. "The one who's keeping you from me. Stop running."
It's you who's ripping at my insides, destroying my hard-won peace of mind. "I don't run away," she breathed anxiously, her fingers curling.
He moved closer. "The hell you don't." His eyes were a dark gleam as if he searched out the pain. "I’m wondering if you look at me and see someone else."
"It's not something you feel every day," she muttered defensively, turning aside. "This thing between us is pretty unsettling."
Hard fingers trailed against her cheek, pulling her chin around, but ever so gently. If he had been demanding, she would have resisted. As it was, there was no resistance, just bone-melting heat, until she met his eyes once more, then it was worse. The grimness on his face, those hard lips...her remembrance of their gentle touch―she was lost, her stomach protesting his nearness with a quivering of feeling, a sensuous, all-over ache. It was almost a physical hurt, the wanting.
"What is it you want from me?" She couldn’t contain the question.
"I'm just a simple cowboy." He looped his arms around her waist. "I think you know what you want, Jacie, but you won't admit it. I get the feeling every now and then I'm getting closer, then you back up two steps."
"Maybe I want to be normal like the rest of the world."
"What's normal?" He laughed.
She nodded in agreement as one of his hands reached for hers, his fingertips sliding slowly, sensuously along her palm before taking firm possession.
He brought her one hand up to his shoulder and then reached for her other hand, gently urging her closer to the hardness of him.
"Sloan, I don't think―"
"That's right, don't think," he said, ever so gently.
Self-preservation held her frozen as she looked into his eyes, so deep and compelling in the dim lighting.
Her nostrils twitched. She could smell his aftershave. It was subtle, weaving around her, coming into her mouth with each shaky breath.
She was unable to muster a defense, her mouth for once silent. He was so damned attractive, rugged and hard as nails. God help her, this emotion she felt hurt worse than anything she had ever experienced. She knew she would never recover if she fell in love with Sloan, she sensed it with every bit of her emotion. But Lord! How she wanted to say the hell with it. How she wanted him.
"What are you doing to me?" she protested half-heartedly.
"Shh, relax, let's dance." His lips touched the top of her head, lingered.
He gently led her into a two-step. "Listen to the music."
Her body followed his, entranced by his nearness. They fit together so well. She stared at his mouth, that wanting curling through her stomach. She should make short work of this attraction, but she just kept wanting more. She leaned into him, testing his strength, enjoying his mouth as they burned across her cheekbone, then feather-soft toward her lips. She turned her head away slightly, avoiding that final contact, met those eyes so close to her own. God! She could drown in those thick lashed eyes.
Her emotions were caught in a slow spiral, a freefall different than anything she had ever known. Excitement clenched her stomach muscles and made her tremble.
"Sloan."
"You sound worried." His husky voice came against her lips.
She nodded.
"Me, too," he said, showing a flash of his teeth. "Try to relax. I promise not to have my way with you."
A laugh gurgled in her throat.
"That's it, ease up."
"I don't want―" she broke off, calling herself a liar. She did want. She wanted Sloan.
She could see the dark shadowing of hair beneath his shirt. Her fingers strayed there of their own accord, unable to resist touching him. She groaned, but pushed back from him. "I need to know something. Do you always romance your lone female guests?"
His reply came without hesitation. "No, I make it a practice to stay away from the female guests. In fact, up until you came, it was a hard and fast rule. I prefer my life the way it is." He paused, one brow lifting. "I should say the way it was. Since you arrived, life hasn't been the same."
"So tell me why me?"
"You don't give yourself much credit. Take a look in the mirror, sweetheart...I won't lie. It's what first attracted me to you. There’s a basic attraction I can’t deny, but I’m afraid it goes deeper than that."
From the first moment she had been attracted to him, the maleness of him, before she'd even had an inkling of what he was about. Now, she knew this attraction went beyond physical, there was so much more to this man. There was caring, strength and humor.
"Relationships involve vulnerability, openness...I don't know if I can do this," she admitted truthfully.
"I'm in the same boat, sweetheart," he admitted huskily. "I was almost engaged a few years back, someone I knew from my city life. She couldn’t handle the lifestyle here."
"That’s the least of it right now," she muttered. "I admit I’m all torn up inside. We have to figure out where to go from this point."
"You're one hell of a woman, Jacie."
"Does that bother you?" She made her voice light, yet her entire body tensed. "It's the way I am. I value my independence, although I admit it's taken a real shot in the arm this past year."
"You're spontaneous, untamed in everything you attempt...you hold back nothing. I admire you for it."
"But?"
"There might be some reservations, but that's my problem, not yours."
"My family credits my leap-before-you-look attitude to the fact I was born during a twister," she murmured.
"How does your father deal with your mother skydiving?"
"He loves her," she said simply. "Along the way they found common ground. I’ve been spoiled, you know. Seeing my parents together, knowing how much they love each other, you tend to want the same thing."
"When you leave will you forget about us, Jacie, the nights, the days, the spell of the Catskills?"
"I can't believe I would, though I am a city girl in and out." She mused. She stepped forward, impatient with the distance between them. "I won't forget Sloan. Not the mountains, their beauty, or...or you. You bother the hell out of me, Sloan Wright."
His arms pulled her hard against him. She pressed her face into his neck, and her voice was softer when she admitted, "I don't know why, but you do. Don't you dare laugh," she warned.
"Scout's honor, I wouldn't dare."
"You're laughing."
"Am not."
"You think I'm crazy."
He nodded slowly, his lips barely brushing across her lips. "Without a doubt. Crazy, impetuous, bold, brave. Need I go on?"
"Why stop?" she slurred, overcome with feeling. "You sound like you're just getting warmed up."
"You certainly do that to me. You're soft and warm and I find myself wanting to know more and more about you. I think you’re pretty brave for a woman who’s all soft inside."
She stepped back, pushing his hands away. "Why do you have to say stuff like that?" she demanded.
"It's true."
"There's nothing soft about me." She shook her head emphatically. "Nothing. I'm not like that."
"Really?" he drawled, dropping a kiss on her mouth. "I'll have to watch you more closely to find the real you."
She groaned, giving in to her wants and needs. His arms, his closeness just made her want more. She might be making herself vulnerable but she didn’t care. There was something special touching her where this man was concerned. She couldn't let him walk away.
She grabbed his wrists and looked down at those calloused, capable-looking hands, then lifted her glance and smiled, she couldn't help it.
"You're shivering," He ran his palms over her arms.
"Reaction." Her laugh was nervous, sounding more like a hiccup.
"I promise I don't bite." His dark head bent towards her, his lips teasing at hers. "At least, not very much."
When he leaned into her, her fingers caught in his hair, urging him closer. It was a heady sensation, kissing the man she desired. Her brain felt in a fog as desire clutched at her.
"Come to my cabin," he murmured, his lips hot along her mouth.
"My place is right here," she said, not wanting to think beyond the moment.
Jacie closed her eyes as Sloan’s fingertips brushed the hair back from her cheek. Passion held in check glinted at her from dark-lashed eyes.
Tenderness touched her, causing restless fingers to move in exploration across hard and muscled shoulders. She explored the flesh covering his ribs, tracing bone and muscle curiously.
His stomach was hard and flat, his waist narrow. Dark hair ran down to the button of his black jeans.
She stared at him, her mouth dry, afraid, yet excited.
He ran his thumb along her bottom lip, pulling slightly, coming to rest on her chin. "God, you're beautiful. So beautiful."
She turned her head, met his lips in acknowledgement of their mutual passion. Her hands crept higher, cradled the back of his head, her fingers splayed through the silky strands. Her body rested against his, the trust implied. On their outing by the pond she had known this moment was not far off.
She heard his groan and rolled her head back, letting him take her full weight as she clutched at the supple, muscled skin of his back. Blindly, she learned the contours, her fingers kneading his warm flesh. Lord, he was hard all over.
"Come to me, Jacie." His voice was deeper than she had ever heard it.
She pushed upwards, pressing her body to his. He was above her, his weight on his elbows. She wanted to feel him on her, his heaviness against her, all the hardness of him. His hand splayed across her stomach, making the muscles tighten.
"Easy, Jacie, there's time."
"There's never enough," she said raggedly, knowing she must grab the moment. "Things change, this opportunity might not happen again."
"Now that I've got you, I'm not letting go."
Sloan stiffened and went still.
"Sloan?" Vaguely, she heard the squeak of the door.
"Well, isn't this cozy," a jeering voice interrupted.
A hammering began in Jacie's head. Her entire body jerked, then tensed. She looked past Sloan's shoulder at the man in the doorway to her bedroom.
"Brad!" she exclaimed hoarsely.
Brad carelessly dropped his jacket on a chair. "If I'd known the plan for tonight, I'd have arrived earlier," he remarked insolently. "Luckily, the girl at the bar directed me to the right cabin. Looks like I'm just in time. I see you got someone to stand in for me, Jacie." Wearing a tight-lipped smile, he pushed his fingers through his sandy colored hair, eyes dark and cutting in his handsome face.
She jerked her T-shirt into place and sat upright, then realized Sloan's body shielded her from Brad's view. Brad had not moved from the doorway.
"Who the hell are you?" Sloan growled.
"Ask our Jacie," Brad said carelessly. "You shouldn't leave doors unlocked if you don't want people walking in," he went on, apparently unperturbed by Sloan's anger.
"Brad!" Angry and frustrated, she said loudly, "Get out!" Why had he shown up now? She’d told Bonnie not to come. What had begun so magically now felt sordid.
Sloan was on the bed one moment, then standing threateningly before Brad in the next instant. Jacie blinked uncertainly.
Brad backed up a step, then stopped, his jaw mulish. Jacie felt momentarily paralyzed. The two men stood face to face, both about the same size.
She swung her legs over the side of the rumpled bed. She hated her position in this. The silence was thick, waiting.
"Forget it, Sloan," she whispered, then cleared her throat. "I can take care of this."
He glanced over his shoulder at her, his mouth a white line. She could see the muscles in his back tense. Walking over to him, she touched his shoulder, the skin warm under her fingertips. She curled her fingers against his warm shoulder. Regretfully, huskily, she said, "Please, I'll talk to him."
Without a word he leaned down and grabbed his shirt, pulling it on as he walked from the room.
The screen door swung back into place with a thud.
"What the hell's going on, Jacie?"
She turned from the sight of Sloan walking away, aware of the dull, heavy ache in her chest. She turned to Brad, outrage sharpening her voice, "You don't have the right to ask me that, especially in that way. What do you think you're doing, coming into my place like this?"
He took a deep breath, putting out his hand. Carefully, she turned away and avoided the contact. Right now, she didn’t want anyone touching her.
"Look―" He expelled his breath harshly, waving a hand, "-- I'm sorry, I was out of line. I shouldn't have stuck my nose in. I’ll go after him and apologize."
"You had no right...have no rights where I'm concerned."
"I know," he agreed, throwing himself into the chair on top of his jacket. His mouth turned down. "I just lost it, I guess. I couldn't believe..."
She felt the color rising to her cheeks. She turned to look out the window, trying not to imagine how it looked to Brad walking in on them. How it was. "You had no right to barge in here."
"I know, I know, I wasn't thinking. Truth is, after I talked to you the other day, I was worried about you. You sounded so distant. I admit I didn't handle things well after the accident―"
"Brad, please." She put her fingers to her temples, rubbing the skin soothingly. "Let's not go over this. Right now I can't handle a post mortem on the past." Not after watching Sloan walk away.
"I know, but I have to...I-I feel like I have to make it up to you. I know I let you down."
"Forget it. As you said, it was a shock. People react differently in shock."
"No, I should have seen the whole picture. I was wracked with guilt, fear, a claustrophobic feeling," his voice thinned. It made her uncomfortable to hear it.
"That day at Angel Falls, I should have let you take the time to check your parachute once more. I make no excuse for it. I can't forgive myself, much less expect you to forgive me.
"That time I came to the hospital, Con wanted to kill me, he would have if your father hadn't gotten between us."
"Leave them out of it," she said tersely. If not for her father, her brothers would have had a free-for-all with Brad. "You can't expect my family to feel otherwise about you."
"I regret walking out on you."
"I got over it, it's time you did, too. I want you to leave right now."
"I can't forget it, I feel like it's there between us, this insurmountable wall."
"There is no wall," she said sadly. Then, more strongly, "There is no us."
"Jacie, please, give me another chance." Strangely, she sensed a real desperation in his voice. "I still love you."
His words shocked her, made her hesitate. She walked to the door. "Brad, don't do this."
He came to his feet, his handsome face hard and determined. "You can't say it's over. We had something really great, we clicked, how can you say you won't even consider trying again?"
Irritated now, she spun to face him. "I lied Brad. It did hurt, your rejection. I don't trust you anymore. I feel like I never really knew you. I thought we would get married and at the first sign of trouble, you bolt."
"You can't turn me away. I won't let you. I'll wear down your resistance," he said urgently. "I’ll show you how much I care. I'll never let you down again. Say you'll at least give it a chance."
"Brad, you're going to leave now. I don't want to be pushed, and that's what you're doing."
He put a hand up, immediately backing off. "Fine, fine. I won't push. I've got some time off, I'm. . .er. . .in between jobs, maybe I could stick around for a bit―"
"No!"
"I won't get in the way. This place looks interesting. Hiking, swimming, riding. I haven't ridden since...since I was a kid. The place is big enough, you'll have your space." He paused, then back-pedaled and said, "What's with you and the cowboy?"
"Leave." The hackles rose as he referred to Sloan as "the cowboy."
"I'd just like to know where I stand."
Disbelieving, she stared at him incredulously. "You and I stand in the same place now as that last day I saw you," she told him baldly. "There is no us." Her words sounded hollow, even to her. What was the matter with her?
"Okay, okay. If I can get a room here for a couple days, can we just go easy, part as friends, at least?"
She wanted to finish this part of her life, once and for all. "I don’t care what you do."
"If they don’t have any empty rooms, how about I bunk down here?"
Letting out an exasperated breath, she said, "No!" She walked through the atrium door and stepped out onto the deck.
"One more thing, Jacie." He stopped in the doorway. He was jangling the change in his pocket, something he did when he was tense. Her ears perked up.
"Bonnie, uh...she's out in the car. She didn't come in because she figures you're really mad at her, considering your earlier conversation."
She muttered an imprecation, closing her eyes. Her stay at the ranch was turning into a three-ring circus. "Gee, I can’t imagine why she would think that." He didn’t move from the open doorway, but the change jangled furiously in his pocket. "Bonnie called early this morning and said she was already on the way here, so what took you so long?"
"Oh, you know Bonnie. She had all kinds of stops to make," he said vaguely. "Listen, I'll catch you later, babe, okay?"
She heard the front door close and she leaned against the railing. She had suddenly landed in the vacation from hell.
Walking around to the front of the cabin, she saw Bonnie's dark blue sedan parked out front with the motor idling. As she stepped in front of the headlights, the driver's door opened and Bonnie stepped out.
"Jacie." Bonnie's voice was low, hesitant, quite unlike her usually confident tones, yet she appeared perfectly groomed as always, her blonde hair tied in a knot on her shoulder, a burgundy silk coat hanging from her shoulders.
Bonnie moved forward to envelope her in a hug, but Jacie stepped back. The other woman halted and frowned, her fingers pulling nervously on the chain around her neck.
"Jacie?"
"Bonnie," she said coolly.
"How are you?"
Jacie sighed. "Come inside." She led the way.
In the light of the living room, she surveyed the hectic flush coloring Bonnie's cheekbones. Curiously, she wondered about the nervous energy driving Bonnie.
Bonnie put her hand out, then let it drop to her side. "I'm sorry about this mess." She pulled a packet of cigarettes from her pocketbook and lit one. "I saw the owner, what was his name? Sloan? I saw him come out of the house after Brad went in. He didn't look too happy."
Jacie gritted her teeth and motioned Bonnie to the couch. The other woman perched on the edge of the cushion.
"As I said earlier, I wanted to make sure everything was okay with you. You know I've been worried, especially since I talked you into this whole skydiving job. You sounded so distant on the phone, almost angry. I really did think I was helping by bringing Brad here."
"I told you not to bring him."
Bonnie moved to the kitchen, ran the water and extinguished her partially smoked cigarette. She turned around, her back to the sink. "I’m sorry. You look great," she said quickly. "When you're ready, say the word and I'll come and get you."
Abruptly, Jacie turned and walked back toward the door. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. Who knows, I might stick around here. Where is Brad?" she asked.
Bonnie waved her hand in the air. "He said something about lodging."
Jacie made no attempt to conceal her rising anger. "I can't believe you did this."
"You're mad...but what else could I do? He feels so bad and you said the police needed to speak with him."
Jacie shook her head. "Something else is going on."
Bonnie, in the act of lighting yet another cigarette, paused. "I don't follow."
"You're a nervous wreck."
Bonnie tossed her lighter back into her purse and stood up, her face now looking pinched and tired. "You sound like you need a longer vacation, Jacie. You're getting mad at the wrong person." She walked toward the door, then paused with her back to her. "I'll leave. Sorry I intruded. I never meant to hurt you." Bonnie half turned toward her, the words spilling from her lips. "I admit Brad caught me at a bad moment. Yesterday was crazy and hectic. I let him persuade me to drop him off here. His luck hasn't been the greatest lately, not that he'd tell you. His car is at the bottom of a lake, and his apartment's been burglarized."
"What are you talking about?"
"There are people after him. He didn't say why."
"And you bring him here?" she said incredulously. "I’m trying to get my life straight, not borrow more trouble."
"Bottom line is, he's been haunting my office day and night, he wants to make up with you." Bonnie turned back to her. "He really feels bad about you two splitting up, he says it was the best time of his life."
Mouth tight, she said, "Bonnie, this is none of your business." Taking a deep breath, she said, "In the future, I don't want you patching anything up. He left me, for God’s sakes. Do you think that feeling of inadequacy just goes away?"
Bonnie's eyes widened. "God, I'm so sorry. I thought maybe you were over that by now."
"It goes deep, Bonnie. How would you feel about a man who took off when you were hurt?"
"I'm really sorry."
"I don't like what you've done." She turned away. As far as she was concerned, the conversation was over.