Now that I have shaken off sleep, I think I understand the nature of my fears. Despite being married—despite being taken, claimed, possessed by this man that I love so dearly—I am desperately, horribly afraid of losing him, no matter how determined we are to stay together.
I finger my wedding ring. I thought that I would have no fears once he slipped it on my finger. But even matrimony cannot erase reality, and I know that there are still things out there. Things like Damien’s murder trial. Yes, the case was dismissed. But what if it hadn’t been? He would have been ripped from me, forced to spend his life behind bars. And there is neither a vow nor a ring that can protect us from that.
The trial, thank god, is in the past. But there are still horrors lurking in the world. Things that could tear him from me. Things that could crash into our lives, trying to force us apart. His father, for one, who surely isn’t done trying to get a piece of Damien. Or Sofia. I can’t blame her, his childhood friend, for loving Damien, but I can damn well blame her for trying to rip us apart. She’s locked away now, her past and the world having taken their own toll, and while Damien receives regular reports from the doctors that say she is improving, I don’t think she will ever be well enough to hold tight to sanity in a world where Damien and I are together.
And yet at the same time, I know that Damien still loves her like a sister, even though what she did came close to destroying both of us. He declined her request to come to our wedding, and although he had sounded casual when he told me, I know that the necessity of keeping her away hurt him. I can only imagine how much it had angered her, and I stifle a shiver, more glad than I like to admit that she is far away, bound to her treatment by court order.
As if that weren’t enough, there is also my mother, the paparazzi, ex-bosses, ex-lovers, the press, competitors, and god only knows who else. It’s a big world, and when you cast as long a shadow as Damien, you make a lot of enemies. And Damien’s enemies are mine now, too.
I was wrong in the dream, I realize. The ocean wasn’t Damien. The ocean was the world. And the world is brutal.
When Damien’s hand closes over mine, I realize that I have been unconsciously stroking one of the long scars on my thigh. I wince, both embarrassed and disturbed. I do not cut anymore—with Damien, I don’t need to. Not even when my thoughts turn dark and fear seeps into me.
Yet here I am, groping for that pain, barely even conscious of the need to find my center, and that simple fact scares me. Because I do not understand the insecurity that has led me to touch that most horrible of souvenirs.
I wait for Damien to comment on it, but he doesn’t. Instead, he gently traces my wedding ring. After a moment, he says only, “I was wrong back in Malibu.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“I told you we didn’t need the ceremony. That it was just a formality because you and I were already one. I was wrong.”
I cock my head. “We’re not one?”
He chuckles. “About that, I was right on the money. But I was wrong about not needing the ceremony.”
“You were? How?”
“How many times have we faced the world together and survived?” he asks, and I know right now that he understands my fears. “How many times has that world tried to tear us apart? Your mother, Sofia, the past?”
I don’t answer, but it doesn’t matter; he is not expecting me to.
“Our wedding is our bond. Our promise and our proof. It’s a symbol to the world around us that we’ll fight and that we’ll win. Most of all, that we are one.”
He spreads his fingers, his eyes locked on his own ring. “A simple silver band,” he says. “But it’s made of titanium, and that’s about as strong as it gets.” He meets my eyes, and I am awed by the ferocity reflected back at me. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart. Not anymore.”
I look down at my own ring, a platinum band accompanying a stunning diamond solitaire. “Maybe I should trade this in for titanium.”