The sea is calm and I am floating, my head tilted back and my eyes open to the sky. Clouds move lazily above me, drifting upon the air as I drift upon the sea. I cannot see Damien, but I can feel him, and I know that he is near and that I am not alone.
It is him as much as the water that buoys me, and I breathe deep, then close my eyes, warm and safe and alive.
I do not know how long I drift, I only know that when I open my eyes, it is dark and the stars wink down at me, not soft and gentle, but with a devious malice, as if they hold a secret that I am not allowed to share.
I tremble, suddenly aware that I can no longer see or feel him, and a bubble of panic rises in me. I tense, my breathing becomes shallow. I struggle to stay afloat, but it is no use. As if the water has claws, it pulls me under, and I start to sink, coughing and sputtering as my head dips below the surface and I struggle to rise.
I am wild with panic, flailing and fighting, and it is only when my bare feet touch sand that I realize that the water is shallow. Relief washes over me like the tide; I am not drowning. I am only floundering, and once I find Damien, I know that I will be steady again.
I regain my balance and press my palms to the ocean’s surface, feeling it pulse beneath my skin with the motion of the waves and the pull of the tide. A current tugs at my ankles, silently urging me to let go. To melt into the water and submit to the power of the ocean.
Damien, I think, certain that I have found him. He is the ocean. He is power and motion and grace and beauty, and the reason I cannot find him is because he is already there. Surrounding me, stroking me, urging me to come to him.
I relax and give in to his sensual lure, letting the water tug me down, down, down, until my entire body is below the crystalline surface. I open my eyes and realize that I can see all the way to eternity. The world here beneath the waves is vibrant and alive, an explosion of colors despite the darkness of night above. I watch in awe as an orange and red coral reef rises above me. Fish dart to and fro, as if late for important engagements.
I have forgotten to breathe, and I panic, then realize that breath is not required at all. This is where I belong. Here, in the nether land. Here, where Damien surrounds me.
Except …
Except it is not Damien I feel around me. Not his comfort, nor his warmth. On the contrary, I feel cold. Lost.
Most of all, I feel afraid.
A little frantic, I search the ocean. I want to cry out, but the water presses against me, and I cannot. My heart pounds a fearful rhythm in my chest, and the vibrations radiate out, causing the sea to churn.
I reach to steady myself, but there is nothing to hold. I grapple, searching for purchase and finding none. I try to cry out, to beg for Damien to hold me, but no sound comes out.
And then I see him, and my heart twists.
He is standing near me, his torso rising above the water while his feet are planted in the sand. I watch from my odd perspective beneath the water as the waves buffet him. He reaches out a hand. At first I think it is to steady himself, and then I realize that he is reaching for me. I slog forward, my own hand extended. I can almost touch him. Just a little bit closer …
My fingers brush his, and I almost weep with relief—and then he is pulled away, the current taking him, and I cry out in horror as I try to swim toward him, only to find the way blocked. The reef, the wildlife, the tide. Everything in this new universe is conspiring to keep us apart, and when they finally move away and my vision clears, he is gone. There is nothing but ocean as far as the eye can see.
No! No, I can’t have lost him!