chapter Four
By the time Jay pulled his beat-up old truck into his driveway, Eden thought the short walk to the front door might be more than she could manage. Not physically—her body still thrummed with enough inexhaustible energy to leave her fidgeting, but her mind and heart hadn’t caught up.
Or maybe being a werewolf only made your body stronger. Maybe the rest of her would never catch up, and she’d be a battered, stunted soul in a too-healthy body.
Like Zack, whispered a traitorous inner voice. Like Lorelei and Mae.
Eden pushed the thought away and waited for Jay to kill the engine before grabbing his hand. Touch rooted her now, like hopping onto a steady rock while the ground around her turned to quicksand. The darker thoughts melted away, replaced by her own attraction and the wolf’s more cunning interest.
“How are you holding up?” he asked softly.
“I don’t know.” She ran her thumb over the back of his hand, savoring the heat of him, the way even the barest brush of skin felt illicit. Intimate. “I needed to get away from the farm again…but I still feel selfish for coming back here with you.”
“We can be there in a matter of minutes if anything happens. Zack has my number.”
She knew. Just as she’d known she’d reached her limit when Mae had snapped at one of the men over something tiny and foolish, her snarling tone more like a wounded animal’s than a human’s. The need to soothe her throbbed at the base of Eden’s skull like a migraine waiting to split wide open, but her attempts to reach out to the girl only provoked more fear.
Time. They all needed it, and no one knew if there would be enough. “Does it get easier? Not being able to help them, I mean. Not being able to make them feel safe.”
He hesitated, and she realized he was thinking of doing it to her right now, thinking of lying to make her feel better. But finally he said, “No. The only thing you can do is try to make a safe place, and that’s what we’re going to do.”
If Lorelei’s pain stuck in Eden’s throat like shards of glass, what was her own agony doing to Jay? She shifted on the bench seat, easing close enough to touch his jaw with her free hand. “Does that mean I’m hurting you?”
“No, nothing like that.” He covered her hand with his and smiled faintly. “I just know how you feel, that’s all.”
“Good.” She smoothed her thumb over his lower lip and remembered what it had felt like to kiss him. Hot and heady, every sense alive and screaming for more. More touch, more taste…more skin. “I feel safe right where I am. Confused as hell, but safe.”
His smile grew, and he reached down to retrieve the grocery bag from the floorboard beside her feet. His arm brushed her leg as he moved, and his smile faded as he straightened. “You never said how it went today. Breaking the news to your father.”
“He coped.” Jay’s throat had been so close to her mouth that she could have bitten it. Sank teeth into skin, left a bruise. A territorial statement she wasn’t brazen enough to make with words. The thought intoxicated her, and she stumbled over her next words. “He, uh, he was more worried about Zack than me, I think. Zack looks worse off…”
“Looks can be deceiving.” Jay dipped his head and caught her gaze. “Eden?”
His eyes were gorgeous. Dark and warm. “Yeah?”
His fingers brushed her cheek. “Come inside. I’ll make dinner, and you can relax.”
She realized she was swaying closer to him when her lips bumped his palm. She froze, her mouth parted on his skin, torn between the urge to lick or bite and the knowledge she had to pull back.
Not like this, in the front seat of his truck. She closed her eyes and eased away. “I’m sorry. I’m having trouble with the concept of personal space right now.”
“You might for a while yet, but I’ll try not to lean on you if I can help it.”
Eden opened her eyes with a frown. “Lean on me?”
“Push you,” he explained. A moment later, a swell of something filled the space between them, a call and a warning all wrapped up in one.
She almost rolled to her back with a whimper. A growl worked its way up her throat as her wolf fought the urge, leaving her torn between conflicting needs—test him by meeting challenge with strength, or fold and beg for the safety of his protection.
Eden made the choice before her wolf could, ducking her head and burying her face against his chest with a choked groan. “I don’t think I’m a very smart wolf.”
He tangled his fingers in her hair. “You’re new, honey. Cut yourself some slack.”
His chest was solid under her cheek. His hand in her hair tugged just enough to be a quiet show of dominance, one edged in sensual promise. She swallowed hard and wet her suddenly dry lips. “Is this how werewolves flirt?”
“Better than having to sniff someone’s ass, isn’t it?”
It startled a laugh out of her. “In most circumstances, I imagine.”
“Mmm.” He rattled the bag. “Steak. You haven’t lived until I’ve grilled one for you, and that’s a verifiable fact.”
Steak sounded delicious enough to set her stomach to rumbling, but when she lifted her head, Jay’s fingers stayed tangled in her hair. The pull was a different sort of delicious, dark and hot, and she caught his gaze as he freed her with teasing slowness.
He released her with a half-smile. “Fair warning. I’m going to kiss you again tonight…but not just yet.”
Her heart skipped a few beats out of sheer glee. “I’d warn you about what I’m going to do in response, but I can’t tell if my inner wolf will pick a fight with you or try to tear your clothes off. Probably one of those two, though.”
“Finding out is half the fun.” Then he pushed open his door and slid out of the truck.
She tugged absently at her own door handle, transfixed by the fantasy of wrestling to see who would come out on top. She forgot that the passenger door only worked from the outside until Jay pulled it open for her.
Eden stared at him for a moment before easing off the seat, clutching her overnight bag. “I didn’t know you could cook,” she said, carefully picking a topic that wouldn’t involve either of them naked and rolling on the ground.
“I can—badly,” he confessed as he laid his hand on her elbow. “But open flame and I get along really well.”
“I’m hopeless. The family skill in the kitchen must have skipped my generation.”
Jay led her around the side of the house to the back door. “I survive on breakfast foods and eating out. Aside from the steak, you’ve already tasted the best I have to offer.”
“You probably help keep my dad in business some months.” She stepped through the back door and hesitated just inside. This was a warning Jay deserved. “He’s got some ideas about you and me. He might decide to have a talk with you.”
Jay followed her across the threshold. “You’ve been staying at my house, spending all sorts of time with me. Of course he’s got ideas.”
Eden dropped her bag on the couch and sank beside it with a relieved sigh. “Don’t let him nag. I’m a grown woman, and he has to get used to that.”
Jay laughed as he set the grocery bag on the counter. “How do you know he’s not going to tell me how pleased he is we’re an item?”
If anyone could sidestep her father’s grumpy disapproval, it would be the Chief of Police. “I bet you charmed all your girlfriends’ parents growing up. Or were you not always this responsible and upstanding?”
“Not by a long shot.” He pulled a glass dish from a cabinet and began to gather items from the refrigerator. “I was quite the hellion, actually. Into all sorts of stupid shit.”
“So you started out a bad boy and ended up a cop?”
His expression sobered. “I managed not to run afoul of the authorities, but one night I wound up on the wrong end of a bad fight. A local pusher who used half-feral werewolves as muscle.”
Oh, God. “How old were you?”
“Twenty-two.”
Barely more than a kid. “ Did you find someone to help you?”
“Yeah.” His gaze lost focus, as if he was looking at something very far away. “They left me in an alley, and I would have died if Murray hadn’t found me. He was an old wolf by then—older than I knew, probably. Practically lived on the streets.”
Eden shivered in spite of the warmth of the room. “I think I must have had it easier than anyone.”
“I don’t know.” He shook his head as if to clear it and laid the steaks in the glass dish. “There’s no such thing as easy. There’s only the difference between problems that are obvious and the ones that are hidden, right?”
She was an expert in the hidden problems. Not just an expert, but a conspirator in keeping them hidden, a thought grim enough to drive her off the couch in search of a distraction. “Can I help with anything?”
“Salad?” He gestured to the counter beside him, and his voice softened. “I looked at the reports, Eden. The paperwork on the complaints and investigations. It’s all pretty clear, especially if you know why they never found any evidence of injuries on your cousin.”
Eden froze halfway to the kitchen, her first reaction one of overwhelming, irrational panic. Anger followed hard on its heels, an outraged sense of betrayal and exposure. “You looked at my family’s records?”
“I did,” he said evenly.
She bit back her gut response. You had no right. He was putting his life and his reputation on the line to clean up her family’s mess. Of course he had the right. But it didn’t make her feel any less naked. All the lies, all the practice putting on a bright smile and pretending everything was okay—gone. Swept away in the space of a heartbeat.
He knew.
Anxiety prickled over her skin. “You could have asked me,” she managed finally, rasping words that sounded so wounded to her own ears. “I would have told you.” Those words sounded like a lie.
“I think you would have wanted to,” he countered. “But old habits die hard. Trust me, I know.”
Yes, they did. She laughed, short and bitter. “Yeah. I have a history of lying to the authorities about the subject, don’t I?”
“That isn’t what I mean. You were a kid, Eden.”
She had to open her eyes. Face her shame, face the too-strong wolf who felt like an enemy right now. “I was a kid who knew what was happening, and I lied. I lied for years, and Zack’s sorry excuse for a father beat the skin off his back more nights than not.”
Jay abandoned the marinade and held his arms open. “Come here.”
She wanted to. God, she wanted to. His embrace looked like safety and comfort rolled into one, but her feet were rooted in place, her entire body tensed to give in to the wolf and flee. “I don’t know if I can.”
He dropped his arms with a nod. “I could tell you the rest of my secrets, if it helps.”
“You don’t understand.” She wiggled her fingers and rocked forward, testing the wolf’s resolve. Her conflicting emotions only ratcheted the pressure higher. “I want to come there. I just…think I’m about to bolt.”
“I know, but I’m not about to push you.”
She snarled before she could stop herself, hot temper rising as fast as it had in the library. “This would be easier if you weren’t so f*cking honorable.”
His lips twitched, and he cleared his throat. “You want me to take charge,” he murmured, a thread of steel creeping into his voice. “And I will. When I know you’re not just rolling over under me because you don’t know anything else to do.”
In a heartbeat, she crowded into his space, pressed close with a challenging growl. “Rolling under you is not my first instinct right now.” Climbing him like a tree and riding him to the floor, on the other hand…
He slid his fingers into her hair again. “Do you know why you like this, honey? It’s the control. You think you want it, but you don’t. Just the fight. You still want me to win.”
The words resonated, but she wasn’t about to admit as much. “That doesn’t sound very progressive of me. Don’t werewolves get to have feminist pride?”
“Who said you aren’t proud?” His gaze warmed as it traveled over her face. “You’re amazing, Eden. After what happened to you, you could have given up. But you came up fighting instead.”
She’d been joking, but the sincerity in his words made her self-conscious. Dropping her gaze, she traced a finger along the neckline of his T-shirt. “Maybe that’s just luck. Whatever made me turn early and made me a powerful wolf. If it wouldn’t hurt more, I think I’d still be whimpering under your bed.”
The pulse throbbing at the base of his throat sped at her touch. “Hiding? Not you, no way.”
“You’d be surprised.” Edging her finger up a fraction allowed her to touch skin, and she hissed out a breath and jerked away as desire jolted through her. “Would you have asked me out if you’d known I knew about werewolves? Or is this all just because I am one now?”
“I would’ve.” He smoothed his hands down to her shoulders. “I wasn’t about to start something based on a lie, that’s all.”
That was how every relationship in her life had felt. “It’s not easy. Even when the lie’s not yours.”
“Doesn’t matter now.” He stepped closer, looming over her. “Nothing else to hide.”
Her insides were melting. She’d screwed around with enough guys in college to know she’d like giving up control to him when the time came—
When the time came. “Is this the part where you handcuff me to something?”
He bent his head and kissed her, his tongue edging her lips apart as soon as his mouth met hers. Nothing tentative this time, just an unrelenting kiss, deep and a little rough, and she rocked up on her toes and shoved her fingers into his hair to drag him closer.
His tongue slid over hers, and a moan vibrated deep in his chest. Only a moment later, he broke the kiss and rested his forehead on hers. “This…is where we have dinner.”
The world was still spinning in lazy circles, but all the built-up tension had vanished. “How do you keep doing that?” she whispered. “She twists up inside me until I think I’m going to pop, and you make it all go away with a kiss.”
“Don’t know.” A low chuckle escaped him. “Talent?”
“Maybe.” She rubbed her cheek against his. “I don’t know werewolf rules, but if we’re not having a—a thing here, you’d better tell me now. I’m feeling territorial.”
“Dinner,” he said again, firmly this time. “The rest is up to us.”
It wasn’t enough of an answer to satisfy her, but it didn’t look like she’d be getting a better one. Biting back a sigh, she stepped away. “You said you wanted me to make a salad?”
“Unless you want to go strictly carnivore tonight.”
“That is uncomfortably appealing.”
He grinned. “Do we dare?”
The smile was infectious. Eden laughed as she rolled up her sleeves to wash her hands. “No. I need something to do while you’re burning meat.”
Jay clucked his tongue and shook his head. “Always a good girl, huh?”
“Don’t taunt me, Chief Ancheta.” She lowered her voice to a husky promise. “I might decide to try my hand at naked cooking.”
He passed her a bamboo cutting board and pulled a knife free of the block. “Sounds kinky.”
“Maybe I am kinky.” She eyed the knife with a grin. “Not that kinky. But I do work in the building with all the books, even dirty ones. Good luck shocking me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of trying, Ms. Green. Not for a moment.”
Jay woke with a start. He watched the ceiling fan turn slow revolutions above him, every sense on high alert.
In his bedroom, Eden whimpered, a sound cut short by a sharp gasp. He shot off the couch, kicking away the blanket that tangled around his legs.
She was staring at the ceiling, wet lines of tears tracking down her face to disappear in the damp hair at her temples. Jay knelt by the bed. “Eden? What happened?”
She wiped at her cheeks with trembling hands. “Nothing. Just…dreams.”
Nightmares. “What do you need?”
“I was going to turn the lights on, but I guess I don’t need them anymore.” She reached for him with one hand. “You were right. I can see in the dark.”
“It takes some getting used to.” He tucked her hand between his. “Family stuff?”
Eden wiped at her cheek again with a watery little laugh. “I guess that’s where it all comes from, but it’s never that clear. I don’t dream about the past. Just about the farm. Being trapped there with ghosts or serial killers or monsters…”
And he’d brought it all to the surface, poking around in the shreds of her past. “You have a chance to reclaim that place now. Turn it into something good instead of what you remember.”
She just stared at him. “Do you believe in ghosts?”
He believed in echoes, the kinds that followed people no matter where they went. “I think we can be haunted by things, yes. By the past.”
“I always thought the farm was haunted.” She rolled to her side and reached for him with her other hand. “The whole pack has so much to be haunted by. I hope there’s room in the house for all the new ghosts.”
Jay hesitated, then crawled onto the bed and curled up behind her. “There’s no ghosts, honey. Just pain, and that fades in time.”
Her wolf’s power seethed just beneath her skin, wounded and wary, but Eden squirmed back against Jay in silent acceptance of his protection. “You never told me your secrets.”
No, he hadn’t, and now he found himself more reluctant to do so than ever before. More ghosts, more pain. “When I said I understand what you went through, watching what happened to Zack, it wasn’t entirely true. To be honest, I’m more familiar with his side of the whole equation.”
She twined their fingers together. “I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.” The words came automatically, a reassurance he couldn’t help but offer. “I’m glad Zack had your mom and dad, not to mention you. Family who cared.”
Eden rolled over and stared up at him. “He made me promise never to tell. Made me swear when I was so young I can’t even remember doing it. And he was my hero, my protector. I think I would have told any lie he wanted me to.”
All he could give her was the brutal truth, layer one more blanket of cruelty on her world. “You couldn’t have stopped what was happening to him, Eden. It isn’t as though no one knew. There were investigations, examinations. They figured Albus couldn’t be beating Zack because he always healed too fast. They wouldn’t have listened to the truth.”
“I could have told my parents. If they’d known how bad it was…” She clenched her hand around the blankets. “It’s not right that people can know and not fix it.”
“No,” he agreed. “But when you have to hide away, you lose some of the protections people take for granted. Look at what happened in Memphis.”
“Zack talked like all the cities are like that. Is it really that bad everywhere?”
“Not in the smaller towns.” And not in the sanctuaries.
The import of what they were about to do hit Jay like a punch. As soon as his friends arrived, they’d be making a stand, probably even traveling to Memphis to deliver their message in person. From now on, Clover would be a safe place, a haven where wolves in need could take shelter.
More would come—provided he could hold the line and keep other alphas out of Clover.
Eden pushed up on one elbow and studied him. “You thought of something.” She placed her hand on his chest. “Something that made your heart beat faster.”
She’d be in for the long haul, even if she had no idea what they were in for, and it was his job to teach her. “Do you know what sanctuary means?”
Her eyebrows drew together. “Only in a human context. Does it mean something special for werewolves?”
“It means everything.” He settled his head on the extra pillow and let his hand rest on her hip. “The cities are bad, like Zack said. Most of them have alphas who take what they want and don’t really give a damn about anything else. Sanctuaries are different. They’re about safety.”
After a moment she stretched out to face him, her hand tucked under her chin. “Is that what we’re going to do? Turn the farm into some sort of sanctuary?”
“If I don’t, the wolves from Memphis will keep coming after Zack and the others.”
“Oh.” A moment’s silence as her gaze roamed over his face. “And they’ll respect that? It seems too easy. Why wouldn’t everyone do it?”
“They’ll respect it because they have to. Because we’ll kill them if they don’t.”
Her breathing hitched, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m still not used to how good that feels to hear.”
He wouldn’t start any fights, but he damn sure wouldn’t sit by and let others get hurt or killed by his inaction. “We’ll do what it takes, Eden. I promised you—if your cousin came here in need, we’d help him, right?”
“You did.” When she opened her eyes again, the blue was lost to glowing gold. “Do you know what scares me most?”
Likely an intangible, something he couldn’t wrestle into submission with his bare hands. “Tell me.”
“I want to hurt them.” The words were barely a whisper, a rasped confession. “All those years of watching helplessly, but now I feel strong. And I want to find the men who harmed Zack and tear out their throats.”
A woman like her, who abhorred violence and had never lifted a hand to another in her life—no wonder it confused her. “Protection, Eden, not vengeance. Don’t do yourself the disservice of confusing them, okay?”
“It feels the same. It feels…vicious.”
Only time would teach her the visceral and very real difference between the impulses twisting her and wanton anger. For now, he pulled her tighter, tucked her face against his neck. “Sleep, and trust me. Just for now.”
The tension bled from her body a bit at a time until she was soft and pliable, cuddled up as close as she could be. Her breath tickled his throat as she sighed. “I do, you know. I trust you. Not just for now.”
“Good.” Trust, first, and then no more words. He’d show her, instead—what it meant to be a wolf, to be alpha.
What it meant to belong to him.