CHAPTER NINETEEN
Barely out of the city, I sat in traffic heading south, filled with a rage that had me wanting to go eighty instead of ten, which is where the needle hovered over the speedometer. Hundreds of people were headed to the Cape this Friday afternoon, and while I wasn’t exactly in the mood for a family reunion with my newly discovered father, I wanted to be as far away from Blake as I could.
Somehow I’d found the strength to leave Blake in the boardroom. I offered a brief apology to Max but spared him the details, knowing Blake would bring him up to speed. Good riddance to both of them. They could carry on with their inane rivalry until they destroyed each other in a goddamn blaze of glory for all I cared, but I wasn’t about to go down with the ship.
Blake hadn’t given me any other professional options, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to reward him with our relationship. I loved him, madly and with a passion that I would likely never find again, but I wasn’t about to be a kept woman. The apartment, and now the business. He’d keep meddling until I was completely under his power, subject to his whims and wants. In the bedroom, I wanted that, I craved it. But in real life, we needed boundaries, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t get him to accept them. My anger bubbled back to the surface and I slammed the steering wheel.
A couple hours later, the traffic finally broke. I wove through the traffic, switching lanes like a speed racer until the GPS directed me to an exit. Speeding was strangely therapeutic.
I drove the winding back roads toward my destination with a little more care, the shore dotted with mansion after sprawling mansion, each property taking advantage of the beautiful ocean view. Other than a short girls’ trip to the Vineyard with Alli, I had spent very little time on this prime stretch of the seaside in the eight years since I’d lived in New England.
I pulled into the driveway of a three-story monster of a home next to a Lexus SUV. This was it. I took a few deep breaths and loosened my grip on the steering wheel, trying to purge my anger at Blake from my system. Today was supposed to be a happy day. Maybe it wasn’t too late for that.
I got out and peeked over the fence that separated the driveway from the small yard and the beach below. The house was built on a steep cliff positioned well above its neighbors, offering an impressive view of the sea on three sides.
“Erica!” Daniel’s voice rang out from the back door.
He looked different. Casual in khakis and a linen shirt, he smiled when I approached.
“I’m glad you came.” He wrapped me in a friendly hug.
The gesture took me by surprise, but I welcomed it. “Me too,” I said. Muffled by his shoulder, I hugged him back tightly, wishing I didn’t feel so raw right now. If I wasn’t careful, I’d be crying at the drop of a hat. He wouldn’t think I was after his money, but he’d know I was a complete basket case.
“Come in, I want you to meet Margo.”
I nodded, and he took my bag and set it in the enclosed entryway. We entered an expansive great room where a dining room with weathered whitewashed furniture flowed into a living room with oversized couches covered in white canvas slip covers and faded blue throw pillows. Everything about the home screamed quintessential New England.
He led me into a large kitchen where a tall woman with dark auburn hair busied herself tossing a salad. “Erica, this is Margo.”
Margo removed her apron and came toward me with arms outstretched. She was a lithe figure, with freckles sprinkling her tanned skin. Heavy pearl studs hung from her ears, matching the simple string of pearls around her neck. She felt frail in my arms. When she stepped back, I was instantly grateful for my wardrobe choice.
“Aren’t you a vision? It’s wonderful to meet you, dear. Are you hungry?”
I hadn’t thought of eating all day. My nerves had gotten the best of me this morning, and since the meeting, eating had been the last thing on my mine. “I’m famished actually.”
“Give me a few more minutes and we’ll be ready to eat. Honey, you can put the fish on now.” She motioned Daniel to the refrigerator.
He nodded and retrieved a tray. “Want a beer?” he asked.
“Um, sure,” I said, though I’d be drunk in a flash unless I got something in my stomach soon. If I got to the bottom of this bottle, they’d know more about me than they probably wanted to. Daniel grabbed two bottles with his free hand and signaled me to follow him.
We stepped out onto the deck, and while he focused on the grill, I took in the scenery. I’d spent the entire trip fuming about Blake instead of thinking about things Daniel and I could talk about to get to know one another better. I really wanted him to know me, to want to know me.
I looked over the horizon and at the calm ocean before us. In the distance, a smattering of black blobs moved along the rocks at the foot of the cliff.
“What are those?” I asked.
Daniel looked up to where I pointed. “Seals. They hang out there all day. Loud beasts, they are. They’re the first thing we hear in the morning.”
I laughed a little at the thought of seals being a rooster of sorts in these parts. “You have a beautiful home.”
“Thank you. We love it here. It’s a great getaway.”
He closed the cover of the grill and joined me at the railing, which separated us from the steep drop off only a few feet away. A tiny collapsible ladder led from the edge of the property down to the beach. The cliffs were beautiful but dangerous, especially if anyone were to get stuck on the beach during high tide.
Daniel interrupted my idle thoughts. “So I Googled you, but I have to admit I’m a little lost about what you do. What’s Clozpin?”
I smiled, warmed that he’d made the effort. The little hope I’d felt before fluttered to life. “It’s a social network startup, focused on fashion. It helps people find outfits and connect with labels and designers, that sort of thing.”
“So you built this while you were still in school?”
“With a couple of my friends, yes. Since I graduated, I’ve been working to get angel funding, which…” I paused, questioning the words as I said them. “We got our funding today, so hopefully there are some big things to come.”
“That’s fantastic, Erica.” He smiled and tipped his beer toward me.
“How about you? Have you always wanted to be in politics?” I asked.
He scowled a bit and stared out into the darkening horizon of the ocean. “In a fashion, yes. My family’s been involved in local politics for a few generations, so I suppose going into it has been an inevitable progression of my career.”
“Are you feeling positive about the governor’s race?”
“Definitely. We have some powerful endorsements, and I think we’re running a pretty good campaign. The social media component, though I know next to nothing about the details of it, seems to be garnering results as well. You could probably tell me a thing or two about it.”
I nodded and laughed. No doubt we spoke two very different professional languages.
“About the campaign…” He hesitated, as if contemplating what he were about to say. “This will sound awkward, but it’s something I have to ask you.” He rubbed the fine stubble on his chin. “As I said, you know, meeting you was unexpected. A happy surprise, of course.”
“Of course,” I agreed.
“I have a lot riding on this campaign, Erica, and I don’t know how to say this without sounding completely, I don’t know, horrible, I guess.”
“You’d rather I not come out publicly as your illegitimate daughter.” I blurted it out. Knowing politicians, he could have danced around the subject for several more minutes before he got to the point.
He his face softened and a flicker of guilt passed over his features, but I understood where he was coming from. The last thing I wanted to be was a burden or a source of stress for him.
“It’s not a problem, really. I just wanted the chance to get to know you, which I hope can still happen. But I have my own business and my own PR to work on. The last thing I want to do is complicate what you’ve built here, and I honestly have nothing to gain with your political affiliations.”
He nodded and took a long swig from his beer. “I suppose that makes sense. Obviously we know what we know, and I suppose that’s the most important thing, right?”
I nodded and ran my hand along the railing, contemplating a question I had been meaning to ask.
“Maybe it was my age, being so young when she passed. But I always wondered why my mother never spoke of you, Daniel.”
He straightened and a frown marred his brow. “We had a complicated relationship. At least, we did when we found out she was pregnant. Neither of our families were going to be happy about the news.”
“I can see that.” My mother’s family had always been distant too. With Daniel’s background, I imagined circumstances wouldn’t have been much different. A blue blood family like his wouldn’t react well to him knocking up a girl out of wedlock, no matter where she came from.
“After she went back to Chicago, I assumed she was going to take care of it. I didn’t hear from her, and I didn’t want to reach out and raise suspicions with her family.”
“So you never spoke after graduation?”
He shook his head and stared out at the ocean, as if the answers for how life had changed for him were out there somewhere, just out of sight.
A car door slammed and I looked over, catching a glimpse of a head of brown curly hair that passed the fence and entered the house.
“That would be my stepson. Just about your age too, actually.”
Daniel gestured for our return to the house and I braced myself for another awkward introduction.
Margo was setting the table with salad and a steaming bowl of rice. The aroma from the food mingled in the air, and I couldn’t wait to stop talking and start eating. The young man came through the door and walked toward her, but he stopped short when he saw me.
Everything stopped moving. The room turned cold and silent. I heard my heart beat, a deafening uneven thud, pulsing an icy pain through my veins, chilling me to the bone. In a room with others, I was alone. Alone with my memories and the shame of what he’d left me with. A sick repulsion twisted through me as I tried to comprehend the horrible nightmare standing in front of me.
I gripped Daniel’s arm, uncertain if my legs would hold me. I looked up at him, as if somehow he could know. He only stared back at me and gestured to their new guest.
“Erica, this is my stepson, Mark.”
Mark.
After four years, I finally knew his name.
* * *
I excused myself immediately, finding the nearest bathroom and locking the door behind me, struggling with the effort while my hands shook uncontrollably. I splashed water on my face and looked into the mirror for help. I was pale as a ghost. Nausea hit me in relentless waves, and I fought the urge to heave, to purge his poisonous memory from my body.
I needed a game plan. My purse. It was still in the living room.
But who would I call? Beyond that, what would I say? The man who raped me in college is my f*cking stepbrother. Hell, how was I going to get through this? I could barely look at the man without having a full-blown nervous breakdown. Now I needed to sit through a dinner with him, as if none of that history existed, an entire chapter of my life blurred out.
This was a personal emergency, but not an actual emergency, I told myself. We’d get through dinner and I’d find a reason to leave. I’d have to figure out how to deal with Daniel later, though the prospect of building a relationship with him seemed completely impossible now. I dried my face and tried to pull myself together before stepping out into the hallway. I could do this.
I stepped out and the second I shut the door behind me, Mark was there.
“Everything all right?” he murmured.
His eyes were dark, almost black as he stalked closer. I stepped back, pressing my palms against the wall behind me. Panic shot through me. Every nerve stood on edge, ready to fight.
“Stay away from me.” My voice was small, betraying the fear that threatened to take me over. I was a puddle of f*cking anxiety, not the fierce intimidating woman I needed to be to scare him off.
“Or what?” He came close enough for me to feel his breath. “This is perfect, really. I’ve always wanted a sister.”
He ran a finger from my knee to the hem of my dress lifting it a fraction. Every cell in my body came alive and adrenaline coursed through me like a lightning bolt. God help me, I wouldn’t be his victim again. I pushed him off with every ounce of my strength, shoving him into the opposite wall of the hallway.
“If you ever touch me again, you can swear off children. Believe me.”
An amused grin appeared on his face. I hurried to the dining room, no less flustered than when I’d left. This is the part where Daniel will think I’m a basket case.
“Erica, are you sure you’re okay?” Daniel asked.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten all day. I’m not feeling so well.”
“Oh no, sweetheart, please eat!” Margo assembled a plate for me with all of the wonderful things I’d smelled earlier.
Mark joined us, sitting across from me with the same smug smile on his face, looking undeterred. I stabbed some lettuce with my fork and forced the food into my mouth. My body was in panic mode, my appetite completely gone now.
“Mark, Erica runs her own Internet company. Isn’t that impressive?” Daniel said.
He regurgitated the details from our earlier conversation for Margo and Mark’s benefit, though I cringed knowing that he was simultaneously revealing critical details that Mark might use to reach out to me again. With his identity revealed, my own anonymity—the only thing that had kept me safe from him—was gone.
“And what do you do, Mark?” I asked. Two could play this game, though I couldn’t imagine wanting to seek him out for anything other than putting a hit on him.
“I work at the firm with Daniel.”
“Of course,” I said, smiling politely. How lucky for him, to rape and pillage his college years away and subsequently walk into a prime position at one of the largest firms in the city. Somehow I hated him more than I already did.
“What part of the city do you live in?” he asked.
I stared at my plate, popping a bite of lightly seasoned haddock in my mouth while I weighed a sampling of false answers I could give him.
Just then the doorbell rang, chiming through the house. I startled at the sound, nearly falling out of my chair.
“I’ll get it, darling,” Margo said as Daniel moved to get up. She rose with economical grace and disappeared into the entryway that shielded my view of the door.
“You two should get together sometime,” Daniel suggested.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. He was quick to divert my attention to Mark, I thought. He would be a good politician. Did he think I came here to strike up a friendship with his stepson? I kept filling my mouth to keep words from spilling out and silently planned my escape. They’d want me to stay longer, I suspected, but I needed to get back home.
Home. Yes, I finally had a home, and there was no place I’d rather be.
I closed my eyes against a vision of Blake. I’d give anything to be with Blake now, but I couldn’t go running to him every time I felt vulnerable. Maybe I could stay with Marie.
“Erica—” Margo’s sing-songy voice floated through the air. “You have a guest. He’s at the door waiting for you.”
My head shot up. Only one person could find me here. I rose. Blake stood in the doorway, looking casual and perfect as usual.
“Blake.” I tried to conjure the anger I’d felt earlier. All I could feel was relief, gratitude, love. I fought the urge to run into his arms and let him take me away from this horrible situation.
He stepped into the house and pulled me into his arms, holding me so tight it was almost painful. I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in. My body relaxed. Everything would be all right now that he was here.
“Is he here?” He cupped my face and searched my eyes.
“Who?”
“Mark.”
“Yes. Wait, how did you know?”
“Forget about that, let’s get you out of here.” He grabbed my hand and turned to leave.
“No, I can’t.” I pulled him back, keeping his hand tight in my own.
“Erica, I’m getting you away from here. We’re leaving now.”
“Wait, I just need to say goodbye. To Daniel.”
He frowned.
“He’s my father, Blake. We’re trying to get to know each other. I don’t want to throw this all away.” We’d never have anything close to a normal father-daughter connection, but I’d only just found him. I couldn’t lose him again now, so soon.
“Fine,” he relented. “Introduce us and we’ll leave.”
“Be good,” I ordered, before guiding him into the main room where the family of three waited for our return.
As soon as we entered, his gaze darted to Mark. His posture changed and the tension seemed to radiate off of him. I tightened my hold on his hand slightly, reminding him not to go postal.
“Daniel, Margo, Mark... This is Blake.” I tucked my hair nervously. How ironic that I was introducing my lover to my only living parent days after our first meeting, and I still felt an inkling of anticipation hoping Daniel would approve. He’d seemed to take pride in my achievements earlier. Certainly he’d approve of Blake.
“Blake Landon. You’re with Angelcom, correct?” Daniel rose and shook Blake’s hand.
“Correct. I believe you negotiate many of our term sheets for us.” Blake said.
“Right. It’s a small world, isn’t it?” He paused, his gaze traveling between us and then down at Blake’s fingers interlaced with mine. His face froze and he looked back to me, as if a terrible thought had gripped him in that moment.
He knew that Blake knew. I could read his face like a book. Our embarrassing little secret was spreading in circles he wasn’t anticipating.
Margo jumped up and gave Blake an air kiss on the cheek. “Blake, let me go get you a plate. Please, sit down and join us.”
“Actually, there’s a situation that came up with the deal we’ve been working on. Unfortunately, it’s imperative that I head back so we can resolve it. But thank you so much for your hospitality.”
“Oh.” Margo pouted a little. I could tell she was looking forward to getting to know Blake.
I gave Daniel, and then Margo, a quick kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye. Blake grabbed my bag on the way out.
Blake held out his hand to me and nodded to the Tesla. “Let’s go.”
I stared at him, the details of our morning returning to me. “Blake, I’m not going home with you.”
“No, you’re not. We’re going to go somewhere so we can talk, and if you still want to go home, or wherever, you can.”
“Where are we going?”
He didn’t answer.