CHAPTER FOURTEEN
As we descended into the smoky darkness of the top floor of the club, I embraced the noise, hoping to drown out the thoughts reeling through my mind. Alli led us to a nearby bar that was slightly sheltered from the noise pounding through the enormous room.
“What’s with you two?” Jess shouted toward me, gesturing between me and the stairs that had led us off the roof.
I shrugged. “Officially nothing.” I was losing my mind over someone who wasn’t even mine to claim. This had to stop now.
“I don’t get it. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other a minute ago.”
I shook my head, not quite knowing what to say. I couldn’t argue that from the outside, hell even from the inside, we were a frustrating cycle of hot and cold. I couldn’t help the way he made me feel.
“Well he’s f*cking hot,” she added, downing a shot.
My eyes narrowed at her slightly.
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happily engaged. I don’t know him like you do obviously, but from the outside at least, he’s kind of perfect. You can’t pin down a guy like that very often.”
I agreed. Chances were slim to none that I’d ever find someone who rocked my world like Blake did. Jesus, every time I was around him I wanted to take my panties off and ignore the little voice in my head that knew better. I was walking a dangerous road with him. Alli of all people should know that, but she remained ominously silent.
We finished our drinks while the crowd on the dance floor filled out. I surveyed the bar and found Blake on the other side, nursing a drink. Heath and Trevor were nowhere to be seen.
I motioned the girls toward the dance floor, leading us deep into the crowd through throngs of people gyrating to an especially popular Rihanna remix. We formed our own circle and began to dance. Slowly my muscles relaxed and I got lost in the moment, moving to the beat of the music that reverberated through my body.
The crowd was tight so when I felt someone behind me, I thought little of it. I moved up slightly, until a strong hand gripped my hip and pull me back slightly, bringing our bodies flush with each other. The motion was so fluid and effortless, I let my body fall into rhythm with his, not caring who he was or what he looked like, but hoping Blake could see me with him. I wanted him to feel an ounce of the jealousy that Sophia had spurred in me.
In sync with the song, I pressed my ass into him, feeling a wild frenzy to be close to someone, to feel that physical contact I’d been craving for days now. The song came to a close and merged into the next, slightly changing our rhythm and bringing us even closer. His erection became more pronounced. Arousal prickled my skin and my head fell back. His hand circled my waist and he kissed my neck. A hot, open-mouthed kiss that had me panicking slightly. I looked down and recognized the hands holding onto me like they owned me. Blake’s.
I froze. He spun me around to face him. Before either of us could speak, I slid my hands to his hair and tugged him down. I kissed him hard, like I had in the limo. If Alli and Jess hadn’t been with me, I would have climbed him right there among the hundreds of other hot, sweaty, and sexually charged people.
He pulled away abruptly, leaving me bereft, but the discomfort of not being connected was soon derailed by the knowledge that I was being led from the dance floor and down a hallway away from the chaos that once surrounded us.
We traveled farther until the hallway split. On the left, a tall thickly-built man stood guard near a door. Blake approached the bouncer and pressed a bill into his hand, who nodded toward the door. We entered what appeared to be another private VIP area. A2n ambient light filled the room, which was quite large and entirely unoccupied. Dark red velvet couches lined the walls along two sides, and along another a private bar lit up with everything a good party might need.
“What is this?”
Blake closed the door behind us and wasted no time pinning me to it.
“This is where I’m going to f*ck you without interruptions.”
He hitched my leg over his hip and pressed into me. I gasped as he ground into me, connecting with my * in just the right way.
Blake’s hands were everywhere as he kissed me. He massaged my breasts through the tight thin fabric before freeing them easily from the strapless top. I spilled out of the dress and he caught my nipple in his mouth, palming my other breast with his hand. A violent craving burned inside me, so potent I would have done nearly anything in that moment if not for the niggling doubt that lingered.
One last time, I thought. But how many times will you end up telling yourself that? My inner voice could be a real bitch sometimes, but I kept her around for a reason.
“Wait.”
Blake’s hand slammed against the door beside me. “Christ, Erica. Wait for what?”
“I want you, Blake. More than anything else right now or possibly ever. But I can’t share you with someone else.”
“Jesus, who said anything about sharing?” He shoved his hands through his hair and stepped back.
The anger combined with the sexual energy coming off of him scared me. I’d seen him wound tight before, but not like this.
“I don’t know what’s between you and Sophia, and I’m not about to tell you how to live your life. I get the whole casual sex thing, but the way I feel about you…I just don’t think I can do it.” I rubbed at the tightness in my chest.
Blake wasn’t like the other guys I’d been with. In fact he was nowhere close to them, and being with him had turned my entire philosophy on sex and relationships upside down. Now I was falling hard for him, and the idea of him being with Sophia, now or ever, was more than I could bear. An infidelity with Blake would break me.
“What makes you think I’m having casual sex with Sophia? Because I’d like to have words with whoever is telling you these things.”
I stared at him. “She implied that you were—I just assumed…”
He grimaced, as if he’d just tasted something unpleasant. “Well, I’ll be speaking with her then. But you need to know that there is absolutely nothing between us. There hasn’t been for years.”
“Yes, Heath corroborated your story already,” I said, cutting him short.
“It’s not a story. It’s the truth. What the hell do I have to do for you to believe me?”
“I don’t know,” I said, wilting against the door, wishing my conscience could just shut up and let us be.
Blake closed the distance between us, holding my shoulders and stroking the tops of my arms with his thumbs, sending waves of relief over me.
“You were being so cold, so distant earlier,” I whispered, barely audible over the hum of the music outside. “I never know what you’re thinking,”
He sighed. “I’m not exactly used to women running away from me, at least with the frequency that you do. Give me a chance to figure this out.”
Our eyes met and my heart stopped.
“Erica—” He tipped my face to meet his.
He kissed me deeply and slowly, exploring every opportunity to tantalize me with his tongue, making my knees impossibly weaker.
“You’re the only one I want.”
“You’re mine.” I breathed back into him, drunk on his taste and scent.
“If you could stop running away from me for five goddamn minutes, I could have told you that.”
My lips lifted and I kissed him again, licking and teasing. He growled in response, lifting me up and coaxing my legs around him.
“Now let me show you,” he said.
I nodded. I couldn’t speak for tomorrow or the day after that, but nothing else would come between us tonight. He slid his hands under my skirt, and with a sudden jerk, he ripped the delicate fabric of my panties. He tossed them to the side, carried me to one of the long velvet couches, and laid me down. He lowered himself above me, caging me with his arms. I arched toward him, knowing it wouldn’t be long now before he was inside me again, where I’d wanted him ever since I left him days ago. He pinned me with his hips, rocking into me, a promise of what was to surely come. I unbuttoned his shirt quickly and my nipples dragged across the soft hairs of his chest.
He fingered me gently, gliding through my wet folds and curling up to reach the sensitive spot inside of me while kneading the hard knot of my * with the heel of his hand. I quivered on the edge of release. He slowed and made his way south, trailing kisses along my inner thigh.
I tried to urge him back up to me with little success. “Please, Blake, don’t make me wait.”
“I want to taste you, baby,” he said, pumping into me with this fingers.
I cried out, nearly insane with desire. “I need you inside me. Now!”
My nerves were raw, and the promise of his merciless style of f*cking only spurred my craving. With that, his fingers left me and he undid the clasp on his trousers, lowering them only enough to free his cock. I caught his hard length in my hands, circling his hot skin with my own and appreciating what I knew he could do for me as I positioned him at my sex and guided him inside. Slow and deep, he rooted fully. The sensation was searing and intense.
Complete.
I fought the surge of emotion that came over me with the connection. I kissed him frantically, our tongues tangled in the heat of the moment. I need this. I need you.
“F*ck me, Blake.” I shifted restlessly beneath him, wild for the friction of his cock moving inside me. I wanted to own him and be owned, and this was the only way I knew how to make sure he couldn’t think about anyone but me.
He drove into me, hard and deep, again and again until I came with his name on my lips, tears sliding down my face as the waves crashed over me. I tried wiping them away before he could see them, but he intercepted them with his mouth, salve on the intensity of my release and the pain of our separation these past few days. He slowed momentarily before changing the angle and increasing the depth of his punishing strokes. I clung to the precipice of another orgasm.
“More,” I whimpered, tossing my head back and forth, overwhelmed by every sensation yet needing more. “Deeper.”
He stopped suddenly and my breath hitched. He flipped me over to my belly and lifted my knees beneath me, slapping me on the ass so hard I yelped, the pain of it stunning me back into reality. Before I could protest, he shoved his cock back inside of me with a force that almost knocked the wind out of me.
He pulled out completely and bent over me, leaving me empty and aching. “No more running away from me, Erica. I mean it.” His voice was hoarse and his breath hot against my neck.
“Blake, please,” I moaned, rocking back into him.
“Promise me.”
“Yes. I promise.”
He straightened and his palm made sharp contact in the same place, the sting sizzling under the sensation of his cock ruthlessly powering into me. He withdrew again. I pressed back into him, the need to orgasm with him inside me destroying my inhibitions. He answered my plea, steadily pumping into me, and when his hand made contact with my ass again, I clenched around him uncontrollably, crushing his cock with the walls of my p-ssy.
“More,” I cried.
He picked up the pace, never breaking the connection and shattering me with every measured slap. My body shuddered, every muscle tensing beyond my will as he brought me to the very edge. I moaned into the couch, my fingernails clawing at the expensive fabric, and I came with a scream that the bouncer very likely heard. Blake ground out his own release, emptying himself into me with a shuddery sigh, his breath gusting on my neck as he bent over me. He stilled, then circled my waist and turned me to face him, meeting me with a gentle breathy kiss.
“That was different,” I murmured, boneless and punch—well, slap-drunk.
“You liked it,” he said.
I moaned and tightened my legs around him.
He smirked. “For being such a bossy little minx, you make a great submissive.”
My eyes shot open. “I would hardly describe myself as submissive.”
“You say that like it’s a dirty word.”
“It is to me. I don’t—”
“Wait, before you start, let me just ask you this. Do you want me to do that again sometime?”
I blinked, suddenly embarrassed that he was going to make me admit it. Getting spanked in the heat of the moment felt very different from negotiating it face to face. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Good, because I plan to.” His face left no doubt that he was serious, his voice hard and clipped.
I wanted to argue, to tell him to f*ck off and get lost, but I was getting turned on by the very thought of it.
“You’re making me want things I’m not sure I want.”
“You’re allowed to want different things in bed than you do in your everyday life. I promise not to spank you in public.” His face softened with a smile. “Unless you’re a very bad girl.” He took my nipple in his mouth and grazed the hardened tip with his teeth.
Oh, I love that. I tightened at the sensation and panted softly.
Blake gave my nipple another hard suck and rolled the other between his fingertips, twisting the flesh just enough to inflict the perfect measure of pain.
“How do I know this isn’t just the next phase of you dominating every part of my life? First the apartment, now this…” I breathed, barely able to string the thought together.
“That’s a compelling idea, but I hardly think you’d let me get away with it.” He brushed his lips along my collarbone, suckling my neck as he continued to taunt my nipples with his fingers.
I bowed my chest into his palm, and a satisfied smile spread across his face as he pulled away and stood. He was still hard, a thrilling show of his stamina, but when he tucked himself back into his pants, I huffed.
“Don’t pout. Let me take you home,” he said, the promise of more twinkling in his eyes.
* * *
We barreled through the doors of the condo and I had Blake flat beneath me on the crimson bedspread of the guest bed in a matter of seconds, exactly where I’d wanted him for days. After his earlier punishments and our little conversation on being his submissive, I was still wild with lust for him. Frenzied, I removed his shirt, licking and nipping at the skin leading to his pants, tugging him free. He sat up and stripped me out of my dress. Naked and filled with longing, I let my hands roam over his fevered skin while he traced the contours of my torso with his mouth, worshipping me inch by inch. His soft breath warmed my oversensitive skin and piqued my craving.
“Erica, God, your body is amazing,” he whispered, his voice low.
I could almost taste his fervor, the determination to possess me in every way. He slid his hands from my shoulders to my wrists, binding them in his one hand behind me. I bit my lip and moaned, pleasuring myself with the little movement he allowed me by rubbing myself on his cock, back and forth over my * until I quickened with need.
He tightened his hold on me, and an irrational fear sliced through me. I stilled, my breasts jutting out shamelessly toward him. My heartbeat was frantic as I warred with instincts that would never let me give any man this much control.
“Blake, I don’t know,” I said, my voice quivering with a confusing mix of fear and desire as he held me captive.
He kissed me tenderly. “I’m going to take care of you.”
His voice left no doubt, and his face was calm and reassuring, more controlled than I could ever hope to be under the circumstances. I looked into his eyes and my heart ached for what I felt for this man.
“I’ll never hurt you.” He traced my lips with the pad of his thumb.
I trusted Blake with my body. With him, I had never felt safer, or more vulnerable.
The tension in my muscles that had me on edge, ready to fight, released.
Ready to give myself to whatever he had planned, I kissed him back. My heart raced, anticipation overtaking the fear.
Blake banded an arm around my hips, lifting them slightly before we connected, and I slid carefully onto the scorching heat of his erection. He took my hardened nipple into his mouth, flicking the tip with his tongue and his teeth like he had in the club. The dual sensations overwhelmed me, but also held me captive. I couldn’t release any of the energy that coursed through me by touching him or hastening our movements. Instead, it lingered inside me, built up like a ball of fire dying for oxygen waiting to explode and enflame everything around me.
He arched his pelvis, pumping into me over and over and rendering my own undulations unnecessary. He circled my * with his thumb, taking control of every movement with expert skill until I idled perilously on the brink of rapture. My muscles tensed against the bonds of his strong warm hands bending me to his will.
“You can feel everything now, can’t you, baby?”
As he said the words, an acute awareness of everywhere our bodies met shot through me. His big cock rooting inside me, his fingers, playing the notes of my desire like a song he knew so well. I trembled, losing my mind with every passing moment.
“You were right. I’m going to make you want things you never knew you wanted.”
He left my * to leverage my hips, shoving himself deeper. A small, helpless cry escaped me as I felt myself unraveling around him.
“You’re going to want me to hold you down and f*ck you hard. To take control of your body.”
“Blake, please…oh, God.”
“You want it right now, don’t you?”
“Yes. Now. All of you.” I spasmed uncontrollably around him, his words spurring my gnawing hunger.
He released me then and flipped me to my back, covering my body with his own. He lunged into me with powerful thrusts that carried us up the bed and drove me straight into a heart-pounding orgasm that shot through me like lightning, a blinding white heat. I sobbed his name and raked my fingers down his back, steeling myself at his shoulder as the fire in me exploded around us.
“You have me, Erica.”
He shuddered to his own climax, pinning my hips to the bed with the force of his last growling thrust. We lay there for several minutes, tangled in each other, tied together by the experience, while relief and waves of sheer bliss rushed over me. He traced my face with his fingertips, almost reverently, his eyes never leaving mine. Physically and emotionally I’d never felt more connected to another person. No one could ever make me feel this way. So stripped, so raw.
He pressed petal-soft kisses on my swollen lips, whispering adorations in my ear until I fell asleep in his arms.
I awoke a few hours later. The day was dawning and Blake’s arms had me firmly tucked next to him, preventing any remote thoughts I might have had about escaping. I turned slightly to look at him, but when I moved, his arm tightened around my waist. His face was relaxed and peaceful. I smiled. I was right where I wanted to be. I draped my arm over his, holding him closer to me as I tried to fall back to sleep.
Suddenly Blake’s phone rang from his pants on the floor. After a few rings he stirred and rolled off the bed to retrieve it.
“What’s wrong?” he said.
An odd way to start a conversation.
“Where are you?” he continued, pressing the phone to his shoulder as he reached for his clothes on the floor. “Okay, I’ll be there in ten.”
He ended the call and finished dressing, seemingly forgetting that I was there.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
He paused and looked over to me, his face lined with concern. What the hell could be going so wrong that he had to walk out on us this very second?
“I’m sorry. I have to take care of something. I shouldn’t be too long.”
“Can I come with you?”
“No, just pack up. I’ll drive you back to Boston when I get back.”
“I can’t leave. I have a meeting tomorrow,” I said, glancing at the clock. “Today actually.”
“With who?”
“I’m having brunch with Isaac Perry.”
“Reschedule it,” he ordered without hesitation. “I’m getting you out of here tonight.”
“Blake, what the f*ck is going on?” I crossed my arms defensively, a little insecure that I was still completely naked while he wasn’t.
“I can’t explain right now.”
“Forget it. I’m staying here.” I marched over to my bags to find some clothes.
“Trust me, we’re getting out of here,” he said. His jaw was set in that familiar uncompromising line. “I’ll explain everything when I get back, I promise.”
I gauged his expression, wishing I could believe him. He bridged the distance between us and made my decision for me with a kiss that had me wishing we had ten more minutes together.
“I’ll be back soon,” he said, and then rushed out the door.
Showered and dutifully packed, I cursed myself for letting Blake talk me into blowing off my meeting. I eventually fell asleep again waiting for him. Hours later he sat next to me on the bed, nudging me awake.
“Time to go, baby,” he said, his voice quiet and tender.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, shaking off the cobwebs.
“Come on, let’s talk in the car.” He stood and grabbed my packed bags. I did a quick inventory of all my things and followed him out.
I bid a silent farewell as we headed north out of the city, realizing I hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to Alli. I’d call later, much later when she and Heath had a chance to sleep off what was undoubtedly a late night for them.
“Are you going to enlighten me?” I finally asked.
Blake tightened his grip on the wheel.
“Who called you last night?”
“Alli.”
I frowned, curious why she even had Blake’s number. My mind juggled the possibilities, but there just wasn’t enough to go on.
“Why would she be calling you?”
“I’m sure Alli didn’t tell you this, for obvious reasons, but Heath has something of a drug problem. I thought he was clean, but he’s relapsed.”
I blew out my breath, absorbing the shock of this news. My mind sped up, connecting all the dots. Everything added up. His strung out look the other morning, the late nights, and an undercurrent of distrust that I couldn’t shake when I was around him.
“What kind of drugs?”
“Cocaine mostly.”
“Alli,” I whispered, covering my mouth with a shaky hand. How she could be with him under these circumstances? This was serious. What if Alli were involved with drugs now too, because of him? This would explain her being out of touch, and the weight loss that, though subtle, was still noticeable to me.
“Alli’s not using with him,” he said, as if reading my mind.
“How do you know?”
“I believe her. After years of dealing with Heath, my bullshit meter is pretty well honed. She’s clean.”
I nodded, relieved and feeling suddenly sorry for Blake. How long had he been dealing with this? Cleaning up Heath’s messes?
“What happened tonight?”
“He got into a fight at the club. They called the cops, and they found drugs on him. Same old story.”
“So now what?”
“They’ll keep him overnight. I already arranged to have him bailed out, then I’ll have to get him into rehab so he can avoid jail time again.”
Again? “Where will he go?”
“I’m thinking about getting him out of New York. Coke, models, and clubs. You can’t have one without the other two apparently, and he just can’t shake the club scene.”
I tried to digest everything, fitting the pieces together like a puzzle. I hated that I’d been in the dark for so long. How long had Alli known and kept this from me? First Sophia and now this. In a matter of weeks there were so many secrets between us. Maybe she wasn’t blatantly lying to me, but she was keeping the truth from me, which felt like the same thing.
“Is that how you met Sophia?” I asked, hesitant to suggest her involvement, but unable to resist.
“I met her through Heath, yes.”
I stared at him, watching him decide whether to share more.
“I guess you could say she was in his entourage. We were seeing each other off and on, and she hooked up with Heath while I was away.”
“She slept with him?”
“I don’t know. Neither of them would admit to it, but I didn’t realize either of them had a problem until I crashed one of their parties at the condo.”
“What did you do?”
“I sent them off to rehab. Threatened to cut them both off until they got clean. I broke it off with Sophia when she ended the program. She didn’t take it well, but I agreed to help her start fresh.”
“That’s why you invested in her business.”
A fleeting look of surprise crossed his face. He was probably willing to do anything to keep her clean, knowing the breakup would send her into a tailspin. Did he love her?
“Yes, but the relationship ends there.” He took his eyes off the road for a moment to meet mine.
“I believe you,” I said. As much as I enjoyed looking into his eyes, I wanted them on the road right now.
“Good.”
“What’s Alli supposed to do now?”
“She can stay at the condo as long as she needs to, obviously.”
“But, their relationship? I mean...” I’d never seen Alli like this, so in love. But could I really support a relationship with Heath when he had so many issues? Serious issues. Billionaire brother or not, he was trouble, and the thought of her being tied to him in any way was disconcerting.
“She needs to figure it out, but I don’t want you involved,” Blake said, a note of resolve in his voice.
“What does that mean exactly?”
“That means I don’t want you anywhere near Heath or his circle of friends until he’s been clean for a very long time. And that includes Alli.”
“Are you telling me I can’t see her?” I bristled at the suggestion.
“If Alli decides to stay with him, that’s her choice, but I won’t have you anywhere near it.”
My anger bubbled to the surface and I stewed, trying to come with a way to win the argument. I needed my coffee.
While I pouted on the far edge of my seat, trying to gain as much distance from him as the car would allow, he exited the highway and parked in front of a quaint diner a mile down the road. He powered off the car, stepped out, and circled to open my door for me.
When I got out, he caged me with his arms, leaning me into the car and bringing our bodies too close for how angry I was with him.
“I need you to understand,” he said.
“Understand what? Your sick need to control everything and everyone around you?”
“Have you ever known someone with an addiction?”
I tightened my arms around my chest and looked past him to the highway and the cars speeding by. He was going to try to convince me that controlling my life was somehow acceptable, I knew it. “No,” I admitted.
“Good. I don’t want you to.”
“You can’t tell me who to have in my life. You said you weren’t interested in dominating me that way.”
“I never said that, and secondly, this is different.”
“Great.” I shivered, chilled by the idea that deep down Blake really wanted to, maybe needed to, control me—an expectation that seemed to root itself further into our relationship with every passing second.
“Erica, stop.”
“Stop what?” I shouted. “I’ve never had to answer to anyone, and I’m sure as hell not answering to you. So stick that in your f*cking dominant pipe and smoke it.”
I moved to leave but he didn’t budge, trapping me.
“Erica…”
“Don’t Erica me—”
He groaned and shoved his hands through his hair, giving us the smallest separation. I glared at him, but when I met his eyes, they were tired, storming with emotion, pleading with me without words.
“I love you, and I’m going to do whatever I need to do to protect you. Do you understand?”
My heart slammed in my chest. Shit. Shit. Shit. His words couldn’t have hit me any harder. Every girl dreams of hearing those three little words. Every girl but me. My palms prickled with heat and became damp. I rubbed them nervously on my jeans as the silence grew between us.
“Heath has ripped our family apart with this. My parents worry every day about what they did wrong and I’m trying everything I can to set him straight again, praying something will work before he kills himself one day.”
I relaxed a little, grateful that he’d spoken, but I was nowhere close to making sense of the emotions rioting through me.
I needed coffee, or sleep. Mainly I needed to be somewhere outside of Blake’s bubble of earth-shattering sex and emotional intensity. I was f*cked up enough without all of that. I shook my head, trying to focus on the argument I was determined to win.
He’d thrown me a curve ball, but somehow we needed to find a middle ground, though I worried that Blake wasn’t used to negotiating middle ground much when he wasn’t with me. I took a deep breath and placed my hands on his chest. His heartbeat quickened, mimicking my own.
“Blake, Alli is my best friend, and if she’s going to stick this out with Heath, I need to be there to support her, the same way I’ll support you.”
For a split second, he looked lost. His expression changed again and he straightened. “I don’t need support, Erica. I’m used to dealing with this. I just don’t want you getting hurt. I couldn’t bear it.”
My anger faded into an overwhelming desire to take the pain away, to help him fix this mess. “Listen to me. You can’t play master of the universe and refuse help from the people who care about you.”
Blake covered my hands with his own, squeezed them slightly, then threaded his fingers with mine and led us toward the diner.
I went willingly, accepting that we were agreeing to disagree for the moment.