Furthermore, before they adjourned, Mr. Tuffett would say he knew who did it, and if the party wished leniency he would appear at his office not later than two o’clock with a statement in writing.
The assembly, suppressing a growl of disgust at Mr. Tuffett’s indulgence in the oldest schoolmaster’s trick on record, adjourned and followed him to the front of the building.
“He just loves confessions in writing,” said Jean Louise to her companions. “He thinks it makes it legal.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t believe anything unless it’s written down,” said one.
“Then when it’s written down he always believes every word of it,” said another.
“Reckon somebody’s painted swastikas on the sidewalk?” said a third.
“Been done,” said Jean Louise.
They rounded the corner of the building and stood still. Nothing seemed amiss; the pavement was clean, the front doors were in place, the shrubbery had not been disturbed.
Mr. Tuffett waited until the school assembled, then pointed dramatically upward. “Look,” he said. “Look, all of you!”
Mr. Tuffett was a patriot. He was chairman of every bond drive, he gave tedious and embarrassing talks in assembly on the War Effort, the project he instigated and viewed with most pride was a tremendous billboard he caused to be erected in the front schoolyard proclaiming that the following graduates of MCHS were in the service of their country. His students viewed Mr. Tuffett’s billboard more darkly: he had assessed them twenty-five cents apiece and had taken the credit for it himself.
Following Mr. Tuffett’s finger, Jean Louise looked at the billboard. She read, IN THE SERVICE OF THEIR COUNTR. Blocking out the last letter and fluttering softly in the morning breeze were her falsies.
“I assure you,” said Mr. Tuffett, “that a signed statement had better be on my desk by two o’clock this afternoon. I was on this campus last night,” he said, emphasizing each word. “Now go to your classes.”
That was a thought. He always sneaked around at school dances to try and catch people necking. He looked in parked cars and beat the bushes. Maybe he saw them. Why did Hank have to throw ’em?
“He’s bluffing,” said Jem at recess. “But again he may not be.”
They were in the school lunchroom. Jean Louise was trying to behave inconspicuously. The school was near bursting point with laughter, horror, and curiosity.
“For the last time, you all, let me tell him,” she said.
“Don’t be a gump, Jean Louise. You know how he feels about it. After all, I did it,” said Henry.
“Well, for heaven’s sake they’re mine!”
“I know how Hank feels, Scout,” said Jem. “He can’t let you do it.”
“I fail to see why not.”
“For the umpteenth time I just can’t, that’s all. Don’t you see that?”
“No.”
“Jean Louise, you were my date last night—”
“I will never understand men as long as I live,” she said, no longer in love with Henry. “You don’t have to protect me, Hank. I’m not your date this morning. You know you can’t tell him.”
“That’s for sure, Hank,” said Jem. “He’d hold back your diploma.”
A diploma meant more to Henry than to most of his friends. It was all right for some of them to be expelled; in a pinch, they could go off to a boarding school.
“You cut him to the quick, you know,” said Jem. “It’d be just like him to expel you two weeks before you graduate.”
“So let me,” said Jean Louise. “I’d just love being expelled.” She would. School bored her intolerably.
“That’s not the point, Scout. You simply can’t do it. I could explain—no I couldn’t, either,” said Henry, as the ramifications of his impetuosity sank in. “I couldn’t explain anything.”
“All right,” said Jem. “The situation is this. Hank, I think he’s bluffing, but there’s a good chance he isn’t. You know he prowls around. He might have heard you all, you were practically under his office window—”
“But his office was dark,” said Jean Louise.
“—he loves to sit in the dark. If Scout tells him it’ll be rugged, but if you tell him he’ll expel you sure as you were born, and you’ve got to graduate, son.”
“Jem,” said Jean Louise. “It’s lovely to be a philosopher, but we ain’t getting anywhere—”
“Your status as I see it, Hank,” said Jem, tranquilly ignoring his sister, “is you’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”
“I—”
“Oh shut up, Scout!” said Henry viciously. “Don’t you see I’ll never be able to hold up my head again if I let you do it?”
“Cu-u-rr, I never saw such heroes!”
Henry jumped up. “Wait a minute!” he shouted. “Jem, give me the car keys and cover for me in study hall. I’ll be back for econ.”
Jem said, “Miss Muffett’ll hear you leaving, Hank.”
“No he won’t. I’ll push the car to the road. Besides, he’ll be in study hall.”