Gabriel’s face grew pained before he exerted control over his features. But she saw his expression.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you.” She reached for him and he moved closer, moving his other hand to cup her neck as well.
“I don’t know what to say that won’t make me look like a patriarchal, unfeeling asshole.”
“Oh, really, Professor?”
He pressed his lips together, his eyes guarded. “Really.”
“Try me.”
His thumbs stroked her jaw synchronously.
“I know this isn’t what you want. I know the timing is terrible. But I can’t help it.” His thumbs stilled. “I’m happy.”
“I’m terrified. I’m going to be a mother twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I’ll never be able to study for my general exams and research my dissertation. Not while I have to look after a baby. This is exactly what I was afraid was going to happen.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and two tears escaped, trailing down her cheeks.
Gabriel wiped them away.
“You’re speaking as if you’ll be a single parent, Julianne. But you won’t. I’ll make sure that all the responsibility for the baby doesn’t fall to you. I’ll speak to Rebecca and ask her to move in with us. Maybe I could take a paternity leave or use my sabbatical. I’ll—”
“Paternity leave? Are you serious?” Her eyes widened.
“Deadly.” He shifted his boots in the snow. “It would be a nightmare for the baby, I’m sure, to be left with me. But I’ll do whatever it takes to guarantee that you finish your program. If that means taking a paternity leave or using my sabbatical, I’ll do it.”
“You’ve never looked after a baby before.”
Gabriel gave her a look that could only be described as prim.
“I went to Princeton, Oxford, and Harvard. I can certainly learn how to look after a baby.”
“Looking after a baby is not like conquering the Ivy League.”
“I’ll do research. I’ll buy all the relevant books on newborns and study them before the baby arrives.”
“Your colleagues will ridicule you.”
“Let them.” His blue eyes grew fierce.
The edges of Julia’s mouth turned up.
“You’ll be up to your elbows in dirty diapers and burping cloths, surviving on a few hours’ sleep, and trying to soothe a cranky, colicky tyrant by reading Goodnight Moon over and over. In English. Because I don’t think Dante successfully completed his Italian translation of it.”
“To quote a common, urban saying: Bring it on.”
She grasped his wrist with her hand. “Your department will marginalize you. They’ll say you aren’t serious about your research. Their opinions might diminish the likelihood of you winning grants or further sabbaticals.”
“I’m a full professor with tenure. Fuck them.”
For one impetuous moment, Julia was seized with the urge to laugh.
But she didn’t.
“I’m serious, Julianne. Fuck them. What can they do to me? Barring anything Apocalyptic, they’re stuck with me. How I choose to order my family life is none of their business.”
“Why are you so determined to do this?” She searched his eyes.
“Because I love you. Because I love our child already, even though he or she is probably smaller than a grape.” He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “You are not alone. You have a husband who loves you and is happy we’re having a baby. You won’t go through this by yourself.”
He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’m standing right here. Don’t push me away.”
She closed her eyes, clutching his forearms.
“I’m frightened.”
“So am I. But I swear to God, Julianne, it will be all right. I will make it all right.”
“What if something goes wrong?”
He brought their foreheads together. “I hope nothing like that happens. But we shouldn’t start this journey by thinking of all the terrible outcomes. You’re the one who taught me to hope. Don’t despair.”
“How could this happen?”
He rummaged in his coat pocket for a handkerchief and gently wiped her face.
“If you don’t know how this happened, darling, then clearly I’m not doing it right.”
He tried to smother a smirk and failed. Completely.
Julia opened her eyes to see his own, slightly darkened with masculine pride.
“Superman,” she muttered. “I should have known you had magic in your genes.”
“Why, yes, Mrs. Emerson, I do have magic in my jeans. I’d happily put on a magic show for you at any time. All you need do is ask.”
Julia rolled her eyes. “Very funny, Superman.”
He kissed her then, tenderly. It was the kiss of a man who’d just received what he desired most from his beloved. A most desired, most unexpected gift.
“I . . . I prayed for this,” he said hesitantly.
“I did, too. More than once. I should have known that St. Francis would not have rested until he persuaded God to give us a baby.”