He grounded himself by tightening his hold on Julianne. He was no longer the old professor; he was a new man. He resolved with everything that was in him to be the best, most active, attentive husband and father he could be.
The first thing he needed to do was to comfort his wife. Then he needed to take steps to ensure that she didn’t lose everything she’d worked for since she was in high school.
He opened his mouth to begin whispering to her, but Julia extricated herself, tossing the blankets aside and moving toward the closet. He heard her switch on the light and start rummaging through some clothes.
Gabriel followed. By the time he made it to the closet, she’d pulled on a pair of jeans and one of his old cashmere sweaters and was searching for socks.
“What are you doing?”
“I can’t sleep.” She didn’t look at him as she leaned over to put on a pair of his argyle socks.
“Where are you going?”
“I thought I might go for a drive. Clear my head.”
“Then I’m going with you.” He reached over to pull a shirt off a hanger.
She closed her eyes. “Gabriel, I need time to think.”
He lifted a pair of jeans and a sweater from one of the shelves.
“Remember what I said in New York?”
“You said a lot of things in New York.”
“I said that being apart was a bad idea. You agreed with me. We’re partners, remember?”
She kicked at the hardwood beneath her argyle socks. “I remember.”
“Don’t shut me out.” His tone was almost pleading.
“I have no idea what to say to you. This is my darkest nightmare come true!”
Gabriel rocked back on his heels, almost as if he’d been struck.
“Nightmare?” he whispered. “Nightmare?”
Julia couldn’t look at him.
“This is why I need time to think. I don’t know how to express what I feel without hurting you. I’m going to lose everything I’ve worked for because of this. You can’t imagine how much this hurts.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw.
“I’m the one who was hesitant for us to have a baby.” His voice was low. “This has brought up all my old anxieties, too.”
She lifted her head, her eyes flashing.
“You know me, Gabriel. You know I won’t do anything to take this away from you.”
They exchanged a look before she bent her eyes to the floor.
“Let me go with you. We don’t have to talk. I just want to be near you.” His tone grew gentle.
Julia realized that he was trying very hard to be considerate, even though his first instinct was to take charge and take over.
“Fine,” she said, reluctantly.
They walked downstairs and bundled up against the cold, winding scarves around their necks. In the hall closet Gabriel retrieved his beret and Julia found an old knitted cap that belonged to Rachel.
“What would you think of a walk?” He toyed with the keys he’d left on the hall table.
“A walk? It’s freezing out there.”
“We don’t have to walk long. The fresh air will help you sleep.”
“Fine.” Julia followed him through the living room and into the kitchen, where he retrieved a flashlight.
Then she was following him out the back door and onto the snow-covered patio.
He didn’t offer his hand but kept close to her, as if he were worried she might fall.
They walked in silence into the woods, their breath making ghostlike ribbons in the air. When they arrived at the orchard, Julia leaned against the old rock, hugging her arms tightly around her middle.
“We keep coming back here.”
Gabriel stood in front of her, shining the flashlight beam to the side.
“Yes, we do. This place reminds me of what’s important. It reminds me of you.”
Julia turned away from the concern that she saw on his face.
“I have a lot of happy memories from here.” His voice took on a wistful tone. “Our first night together, the night we made plans to consummate our love, our engagement . . .” He smiled. “That night back in the summer when we made love just over there.”
She followed his gesture to the space on which they’d lain entwined. Images and emotions crashed over her. She could almost feel his arms about her, skin against skin.
“Several months ago I was apprehensive about having a child. You persuaded me to have hope; to look forward and not to the past. Our hope was rewarded with the knowledge that my family tree is not entirely cursed.”
“God is punishing me,” she blurted.
His forehead furrowed. “What are you talking about?”
“God is punishing me. I wanted to graduate from Harvard and become a professor. Now—”
“God doesn’t work that way,” Gabriel interrupted.
“How do you know?”
He removed one of his leather gloves and brought his hand to the side of her neck, just under her ear.
“Because a young woman, wise beyond her years, told me so.”
“And you believed her?” She looked up at him, eyes brimming.
“She’s never lied to me,” he whispered. “And when a brown-eyed angel speaks to you, it’s best to listen.”
Julia laughed mirthlessly. “I think your brown-eyed angel screwed up.”