Julia was a good person. And sometimes goodness doesn’t tell everything it knows. Sometimes goodness waits for the appropriate time and does the best it can with what it has.
Professor Emerson was not the man that she’d fallen in love with in the orchard. In fact, Julia concluded that there was something seriously wrong with The Professor. He was not just dark or depressed, but disturbed. And she worried that he had alcoholic tendencies, familiar as she was with the alcoholism of her mother. But because she was good, she would not break him the way she had been broken, by forcing him to look at something he did not want to see.
She would have done anything for Gabriel, the man she spent the night with in the woods, if he’d given her even a single indication that he wanted her. She would have descended to Hell and searched for him, looking until she found him. She would have stormed the gates and dragged him back. She would have been Sam to his Frodo and followed him into the bowels of Mount Doom.
But he was not her Gabriel. Her Gabriel was dead. Gone. Leaving behind only vestiges of him in the body of a harsh and tortured clone. Gabriel had almost broken Julia’s heart once. She was determined she would not let him break her heart for the second time.
Before Rachel left Toronto to return to Aaron and the dystopia that was her family, she insisted on seeing Julia’s studio apartment. Julia had been putting her off for days, and Gabriel himself had discouraged his sister from simply showing up unannounced. He knew that as soon as she saw where her friend was living she’d pack Julia up personally and force her to move into a nicer place, preferably Gabriel’s guest room.
(One can only imagine Gabriel’s reaction to that suggestion, but it ran along the lines of no fucking way.)
So on Sunday afternoon, Rachel arrived on Julia’s doorstep in order to have tea and say her good-byes before Gabriel took her to the airport.
Julia was nervous. She had the cardinal virtue of fortitude, like a stubborn medieval saint, and so she was unlikely to mind various discomforts or slights. Consequently, she hadn’t thought her little hobbit hole was really that bad when she signed the lease. It was safe, and it was clean, and she could afford it. But believing that and showing her apartment to Rachel were two different things.
“I need to warn you that it’s small. But remember, I’m living on a grad student’s income and it’s fixed. I can’t get a job up here because I don’t have a work permit. And I can’t afford to live in Gabriel’s building or anywhere even half as nice,” Julia explained as she ushered her friend into her apartment. Rachel nodded and placed a large square box on the bed.
Gabriel had warned her how tiny the apartment was. He’d told her not to make a scene, for Gabriel still nursed a secret regret over his appalling behavior during his one and only visit to Julia’s apartment.
But still, nothing her brother or her friend told her quite prepared Rachel for what she saw behind Julia’s closed door. The space was small, old, and everything in it was second-hand or cheap, apart from the simple curtains, bedding, and anything Julia had brought with her from home. To her credit, Rachel walked through the studio first, which only took about five steps, and looked at the closet, inspected the bathroom, and stood in the kitchen “area” looking at a pathetic little hot plate and an old decrepit microwave. Then she put her hands over her face and burst into tears.
Julia stood rooted to the spot, not quite knowing what to do. Rachel was disturbed by ugliness, she knew, but Julia had tried to make her studio pretty and had used her favorite shades of purple to do so. Surely Rachel could appreciate that.
Rachel came to herself a few moments later, wiping her tears and giggling.
“I’m sorry. It’s hormones and lack of sleep, and I’ve been emotional because of Mom. Then there’s everything with my dad, and Aaron, and the wedding. Oh, Julia, I just wish I could take you home with me and you could live with us in Philadelphia. We have so much space. And our kitchen is bigger than your entire apartment!”
Julia hugged her friend tightly until she cracked a smile.
“Gabriel said you’re very particular about your tea. He was impressed with how you made it. And you know nothing ever impresses him. So I’m going to curl up on your lovely lilac bed and learn how you do it.” Rachel plopped herself down on top of Julia’s comforter, holding the large square box on her lap and trying to be cheerful for the sake of her friend.
Julia was surprised that Gabriel even remembered the tea since he’d been so busy criticizing her eating habits during his visit. But she pushed such thoughts aside and focused her attention on making Rachel feel at home and helping her forget her troubles. Soon they were both perched on her bed, holding their china teacups and nibbling on chocolate truffles that Julia had purchased as a celebratory treat with part of her emergency fund.
Rachel traced the rim of her cup with a single finger. “There’s something I need to tell you about Gabriel.”