“Professor Emerson, I want to thank you for opening doors for me and for asking me to dance. I’m sure it was demeaning to have to behave that way to a student. I know that you’re only tolerating me because Rachel is here, and that when she’s gone everything will go back to normal. And I promise I won’t say anything—to anyone. I’m really good at keeping secrets.
“I’m going to request another thesis director. I know you don’t think I’m very bright, and you only changed your mind because you felt sorry for me because of my apartment. It’s clear from what you said tonight that you think I’m beneath you, and that it pains you to have to talk to a stupid little virgin. Good-bye.”
With a heavy heart, Julia turned to walk into the building.
Gabriel moved to block her path.
“Are you quite finished?” His voice grew very harsh.
She met his gaze, wide-eyed and trembling.
“You’ve delivered your speech; I believe courtesy demands that I be given an opportunity to respond to your remarks. So if you please…” He moved out of the doorway and stood, staring down at her with an expression of nearly concealed fury.
“I open doors for you because that is how a lady is supposed to be treated, and you are, after all, a lady, Miss Mitchell. I haven’t always behaved like a gentleman, but Grace tried her best.
“As for Rachel, she’s a sweet girl, but sentimental. She’d have me reciting sonnets under your window like a teenage boy. So let’s leave my sister out of this, shall we?
“As for you, if Grace adopted you like she adopted me, that tells me she saw something very special in you. She had a way of healing people through her love. Unfortunately, in your case, as in mine, she probably arrived a little too late.”
Julia raised her eyebrows at this last statement, wondering silently what it meant, but she did not have the courage to ask him.
“I asked you to dance because I wanted your company. Your mind is good, and your personality is charming. If you want another director, that’s your prerogative. But frankly, I’m disappointed. I never thought of you as a quitter.
“If you think I do things for you out of pity, then you don’t know me very well. I am a selfish and self-absorbed bastard who barely notices the concerns of other human beings. Damn your little speech, damn your low self-esteem, and damn the program.” He huffed in frustration, trying hard not to raise his voice. “Your virginity is not something to be ashamed of, and it’s certainly none of my business. I just wanted to make you smile and…”
Gabriel’s voice trailed off as his hand found Julia’s chin. He lifted her face gently, and their eyes met.
He found himself moving toward her, his face approaching hers, their lips inches apart. So close that she could feel his warm breath on her face.
Scotch and peppermint…
They both inhaled deeply, drinking in one another’s scent. She closed her eyes, and her tongue darted out quickly to wet her lower lip. She waited.
“Facilis descensus Averni,” he whispered, his ominous and preternatural words striking her very soul. “‘The descent to Hell is easy.’”
Gabriel stood up very straight, released her chin, and strode to the taxi, slamming the car door behind him.
Julia opened her eyes to see the cab pull away. She leaned against the door for support, her legs turning to jelly.
Chapter 10
While Julia was at Lobby, there were moments when she was convinced that Gabriel remembered her. But those moments were fleeting and ethereal, and they’d disappeared like cobwebs blown away by the wind. So Julia, because she was an honest young woman, began to doubt herself.
Perhaps her first encounter with Gabriel had been a dream. Perhaps she’d fallen in love with his photograph and imagined the events that occurred after Rachel and Aaron fled. Perhaps she had fallen asleep in the orchard alone, the sad recipient of the desperate and lonely illusion of a young girl from a broken home who had never felt loved before.
It was possible.
When everyone in the whole world believes one thing and you are the only one who believes differently, it’s very tempting to assimilate. All Julia would have to do would be to forget, to deny, to suppress. Then she would be just like everyone else.
But Julia was stronger than that. No, she had not been prepared to call Gabriel out publicly about exposing her virginity, for that would be to draw too much attention to a fact that she was partially ashamed of. And no, she was unwilling to force him to acknowledge her or the night they shared together, for Julia had a fairly pure heart, and she did not like to force anyone to do anything.
When she saw the confusion on Gabriel’s face while they were dancing and realized that his mind wouldn’t allow him to remember, she withdrew. She was worried what a sudden strong realization might do to him, and fearful that his mind might shatter like Grace’s glass coffee table, she chose to do nothing.