Backstage is quiet for the most part tonight, just the low sound of the television in the distance, from where Bob and Lance are sitting in the break room.
揑 meant the set,?I clarify. 揧ou抮e trying to layer it too much. Take it apart and get it back to the basics.?I cross my arms and sit on the counter behind me, let it be obvious as I look down the length of her. The look aims to seduce, but lazily perusing her body ratchets up the tension in my gut, too. I cross a foot over the other to give my jeans some room.
In the week since San Francisco, we抳e fallen back into our tit for tat, but it抯 graduated to teasing glances and touches, abrupt remarks to test how the other抯 eyes dilate.
Now that we both know we want one another, it抯 how we pass this waiting period. I抦 not sure what we抮e waiting for, exactly, because since we抳e officially given ourselves permission it抯 all I seem to think about. Where we so often avoided contact before, it抯 crossed over into being harder not to.
But, I抦 still trying to focus on spending as much time as I can with Hazel before she goes to Ohio, and I know Fee needs both the room and support to work on her material.
Which is why we decided to try Lance抯 and wing it tonight, without Kara or Shauna and that added pressure, just to see what happens. And our game is the thing that抯 keeping her distracted, keeping her from stressing. We always do some form of this before a show to warm up. A game of wit and banter, challenging and rising, but tonight抯 improv has rapidly turned downright heated. While it feels a bit like hydroplaning; rudderless and potentially dangerous, I can抰 bring myself to tap on the breaks or steer out of it either.
She groans, and maybe I抦 just imagining things now but it sounds a little like a moan. 揑抦 trying, but everything just feels?disingenuous.?
揟hen make it about your life. What takes up space in that brain these days??I chew my lip to stop the smile.
Her cheeks lift only briefly before they drop. 揓esus, I have to go out there and talk completely out of my ass. This is going to be a disaster.?She blasts out of her seat and scrambles around, snatching her notepad and a pencil. 揑 probably shouldn抰 be letting you distract me with your vampire eyes and your body right now, Meyer. I抦 flustered and tense enough as it is.?
I chuckle, time to double down. 揕etting me, huh? And do share with me how my body抯 involved??Her cheeks redden immediately.
揑抦 here for tension relief, if needed??I add, and she chuffs out a choked sound.
She抯 not one to be outdone, though, so I see it happen when the gears in her mind turn over and land on her next words.
揧ou抎 just let me take what I want, then??The huskiness in her tone has warmth crawling up my neck.
揓ones, I抦 happy to follow your lead in most things. All things, really, up to a point.?I watch her chest rise and fall quickly, trace her collarbones with my eyes. 揃ut past that point, I抎 be certain to give you what you need.?
揂wful full of yourself, aren抰 you??she breathes, eyes lighting.
揑 could help you out with that, too??
She inhales a gasp-laugh and her eyes go wide. 揑 doubt even you could wind me down right now, My.?
揥hen have you known me to be unjustifiably conceited??I ask, clamping down my jaw as I mentally shuffle the ways I抳e imagined working her body, wringing her out. How her skin would feel on mine, the fit of her in my lap.
She inhales through her nose, cheeks reddening and spreading down her neck. I imagine it bleeding to her chest the way it did in the hotel and shit, okay. Now, it抯 time to walk this back, immediately, before I go full mast.
Her eyes grow bigger though, color shifting beneath the surface again, 揗eyer,?she says, bursting from her lips in a panic. 揗eyer I can抰 remember anything, not any of the old stuff either, I can抰 remember it. I抣l freeze. I抣l die out there.?Her lips go completely ashen in an instant that has me diving for her.
揥oah, woah, woah,?I snag her eyes and hold them. 揧ou抳e gotta breathe, Fee. It抯 just another regular day. You梇ou抮e sharper than everyone out there in that room. Go out there and tell them whatever it is going on in that insane brain of yours, literally, whatever it is that you抮e thinking and you抣l make them fall in love with you, I promise. They抮e going to hang onto your every word. You抮e safe, here. It抯 Lance抯.?I suck in a slow breath, blow out. 揃reathe with me for a second, here, angel.?
She抯 never, ever spun out like this, but she gets her bearings and matches my breathing.
In, two, three, four, out two, three, four. We repeat it countless times, the minutes slipping away.
Her face and lips start to regain their color eventually, but my eyes remain glued to her until she sighs through her nose. My thumbs stroke back and forth on her shoulders rapidly, like I抦 seeking my own comfort. Because damn if her panic didn抰 just throw me into my own a bit?
揊ee, I didn抰 know you were on the edge like that. I抦 sorry. I wouldn抰 have teased.?
揑 don抰 think I really knew either,?she inhales and shudders. And then her eyes meet mine and her tongue darts across her lips. 揔iss me??she asks.
I search her face, unsure if this is actually a good or healthy diversion, but when her teeth sink into her lip hesitantly, self-consciously, I break.
More like I keep my foot on the gas and hope we don抰 spin out.
With a groan, I grab the lapels of her little vest and yank her to me.
It抯 fucking, what our mouths do. Tongues and teeth and lips, biting and sliding and pressing. It抯 warm and heavy. Then there抯 that fruity mint flavored gum that I plan to buy a whole damn palette of. I moan into her mouth when her cool fingertips graze beneath my shirt and feel her lips curl into a smile in return. I抦 immediately relieved that the distraction is working, despite the warring emotions. My hands skate down her waist to her ass and squeeze as her hips arch into me, the jut of them pressing to my thighs. The recesses of my mind prompt me to check the clock, so I eye it when I tilt her head and kiss her neck below her ear, her warm scent invading my senses like a drug. Under twelve minutes until showtime. My hands trace the soft skin of her lower back and around to her front, just above her jeans button, my heart thundering in my chest because it抯 been at least four梞aybe five梱ears since I truly touched a woman and this is Fee, my Fee. I look down at her and she抯 already nodding, eyes heavy-lidded. She tries to undo her button with shaky hands, movements jerky. I grab her hands and kiss a palm before I link them around my neck. 揕et me.?
A breath winds out of me as I do, my rough and clumsy hands so at odds with the delicate scrap of yellow lace I uncover. The heels of her palms press into the base of my skull at either side and I have to stifle a groan, feeling the heat of her before my hand even reaches its destination. And then when I do, fuck, my own eyes roll back in my head and I clench my molars together to stop my teeth from chattering because I抦 dying to be here. Right here. I press my forehead to hers as she hitches on a sound. I think I could come just like this, I realize. Swallowing her gasps, watching her expression knit tighter and tighter, eyes closed and lost in feeling. I circle and slide and I feel every tiny noise she makes from high in her throat, feel like it抯 me being tugged with each filthy little wet sound. She pulls tighter when I stay right here, not pressing hard, just lightly swiping at a steady pace. The steadier I am the more frantically her breaths drum against the shell of my ear. Until she stops breathing altogether, holding it just a beat before she begins pulsing rapidly on my fingers, her lids cracking open and whispering my name through a pant, melting all around me. On and on and on.
I rest my head against the wall for a brief moment, trying to collect myself before I lean back and settle her on her feet.
I zip and button her back up, hands trembling much harder than when they started, my voice even more so when I say, 揊ee??She smiles hazily up at me as I start walking her in the intended direction, shaking my head a little to clear it. 揑 want you to go out there and tell everyone what makes you angry, sad, happy, horny, whatever pops into your head, you say it. You go out there and start talking to them and tell them every funny feeling. It抯 showtime,?and then I spin her around, give her a nudge with a swat on the ass before she steps out onto the stage.
24
NOW
揅omedy is defiance. It抯 a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it抯 the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.?- Will Durst
FARLEY
揝o on that note, I抎 like you all to give a warm welcome to Miss Farley Jones!?Lance calls into the mic.
The applause roars as I turn and look back over my shoulder at a smug Meyer, though not sure how smug someone can really pull off while adjusting his pants like he is. The corner of his mouth flicks up and he blows a bubble my way?a bubble with my gum, I now realize.