“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to get all emotional.” In my head, I paused and counted; I would’ve been about five months by now. Granted, having a baby at our age was nowhere near ideal, but that was a life that AJ and I created, and, as far as I was concerned, Leila had stolen that from us. How would I have reacted to finding out that I was carrying his child under different circumstances than I did? Would I have been scared? Would I have regretted not being more careful? Maybe even contemplated taking some rather drastic measures in an attempt to ‘fix’ the situation? All of those thoughts probably would’ve crossed my mind at some point, even if only fleetingly ; however, those feelings would’ve faded and AJ and I would’ve found some way to get through it and to be happy.
His gaze fell on me when I turned to stare at him over my shoulder. “Sam……if I could turn back time and change things, I would in a heartbeat. But…….what’s done is done and there’s no going back.” His hand was warm against my face when he removed another tear. “I’m just grateful that I still have you.”
“You’re right.” I needed to get away from these particular thoughts. I fanned at my eyes to dry them and took a deep breath. “Moving on,” I said quickly, trying to psyche myself into thinking about something else. “What was the other question you asked? It was about where I wanted to live, right?”
“Yeah,” AJ replied with a sigh, clearly displeased that I was changing the subject instead of dealing with my feelings.
I ignored his probing stare and answered the question instead. “It’s funny that you brought that up, because I was thinking today while we were driving to the museum; what if we move here after we’re done with college? You’ll eventually have control of the business which means you could move it wherever you wanted, and I can open my interior design firm here. This is actually an ideal place for us to live if you think about it.” AJ’s expression was solemn, which meant that he wasn’t as convinced as I was. “What do you think?” I asked.
Maybe we can keep it in mind as an option.” He thought for a moment. “What about Houston or L.A, maybe?”
“Too hot in Houston, and I’m not moving anywhere where the ground moves. Plus, we have to be somewhere where there’s snow on Christmas.”
“What about….Chicago?”
“I could see that, but it’s no New York,” I replied as I pouted involuntarily at the thought of him dismissing my suggestion so quickly.
“I didn’t say no, I just pointed out other options. Who knows where we’ll end up? We have a lot of time to think about it, though.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “But you’ll think about it, right?”
“Yes, Sam, I’ll think about it,” he replied condescendingly with a smile.
“Good, that’s all I’m asking,” I smiled back.
He pulled me into his arms again and held me there for what felt like hours. We got up at around seven and ordered room service again for dinner. We ate while watching movies and went to bed at around midnight. As I slept against his chest, I dreamed of everything we’d talked about; us living in New York, both of us successful in our careers, and a beautiful son and daughter that looked like a perfect cross between the two of us. The dream was so wonderful that I awoke feeling disappointed that it wasn’t real.
AJ kissed me once on my back and continued to hold me as I stared off into space, trying hopelessly to will the dream true. The clock on the nightstand read 8:15 and I knew that it was almost time for us to go our separate ways.
I lifted the cover to climb out of the bed, but AJ wouldn’t loosen his grip. “I’m not ready to let you go yet,” he whispered softly. Of course I complied with his request and stayed cuddled up beside him. There was nothing better than waking up next to the one person for whom my love defied all reason and rational explanation. “What if we just ran away together and didn’t tell anyone where we were?” He asked quietly.