I laughed. “Have you done this before?” I asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting him to understand why I was about to ignore his advice.
“I don’t have to have been in your situation to know how it should be handled,” he answered. “You at least have to have your endgame in mind. I mean…what’s Sam want out of this?”
I hadn’t asked her, but I could tell based on the emotional connection the night before, this wasn’t just about sex for either one of us.
When I didn’t say anything, Terrell was happy to keep talking. “Look. My advice? Let Sam know how you really feel about her, let Kira down sooner rather than later, and tell me and Maish where we need to be when you and Sam stop playing games and finally jump the broom. Hell! I’ll bring my own broom for y’all to jump! It’s one of those tacky green ones, but it’ll get the job done. I’m just tired of waiting,” he concluded.
I laughed, but I knew there wasn’t anything particularly funny about this situation. One way or another, someone was going to get hurt, and someone would end up blaming me for breaking their heart – something I wasn’t accustomed to doing. So it wasn’t a question of ‘if’ at this point, it was only a question of ‘who’?
“Like I said…sooner is better than later,” Terrell repeated.
I nodded. He was right. “Yeah…I know.”
“But in the meantime, you know you’re my boy, but…Sam’s been through a lot. I know you felt some of that pain too when things went down the way they did, but…” he thought about his words before saying them. “…Just remember that she’s not as tough as she pretends to be,” he concluded, leaving me with his friendly rendition of the ‘hurt her and I’ll hurt you’ speech that brothers give when entrusting their sisters’ hearts in some other man’s care. I wasn’t upset because I knew that he’d always regarded Sam as a sister, and in some ways, that overshadowed our friendship. I could even relate, though; protecting her was important to me too.
“I hear you,” I replied.
“Alright, then. I’ll hit you back in a while; Maisha just came out the fitting room with more clothes than she went in with – however that happens. I swear she’s tryna put us in the poorhouse. ”
“Sure. We’ll talk later.”
I ended the call and continued to stare out the window at the ever-changing scenery. Terrell was right; I needed to sort things out…soon. Since leaving Sam’s, I still hadn’t placed a call to Kira, which I knew would only make her more suspicious the more time that passed. Unsure as to what I’d say, I dialed her, and waited. Three rings later, and she picked up.
“Hey,” she answered solemnly, sounding both confused and hurt that she hadn’t heard from me in almost twenty-four hours.
“Hey.” To me, my tone sounded guilty. “How’re you?”
She was quiet at first. “Good, I guess. Just…sitting here,” she sighed.
I became uncomfortable all of a sudden. “Yeah…I saw you called last night, but I was um…still working. Things have been crazy these past few days.”
I closed my eyes, both hoping she’d believe the lie I’d just told and feeling like the biggest dick ever for deceiving her.
“I kind of figured as much when you didn’t pick up,” she replied. “But I didn’t expect to hear from you so late in the day today, though.”
I scratched the back of my neck and scolded myself for waiting until nearly noon to call. “Yeah, I…slept in because I got in so late.”
This felt wrong as hell.
“Oh…makes sense,” she said back, trying to laugh a little to hide the awkward tension between us.
Part of the problem was that we hadn’t seen one another face to face in such a long time, but the other part was that I couldn’t even get through these first few seconds of our conversation without thinking about Sam - visualizing her naked, hearing her say my name…and I felt conflicted. I waivered back and forth between feeling like a douchebag and feeling justified in my actions.