“No…it’s next Saturday; you’re right.”
She cocked her head to the side, noticing the vacant expression that I wore. “These are good friends of yours. I thought this would actually be a good thing for you.” Based on the confused look on her face, I remembered that I hadn’t told her about AJ being there and having to face him for the first time in five years…since I walked away.
“My ex will be there,” I forced out in one breath.
Dr. Gill cocked her head to the side. “Thee ex?”
I nodded to confirm.
She set her pen down on her notepad. “I hadn’t realized –“
“Makes two of us.” The tension mounted in my shoulders, tightening into a nice knot that was sure to stay there until this whole ordeal was over. Staring at AJ’s initials on my wrist, I slid my cuff bracelet down to cover it and went on. “I didn’t know until a few nights ago. Up until then, he was supposed to be out of town on business from what I heard, but…his plans changed, I guess.”
The doctor was silent for a moment, probably watching the range of emotions that crossed my face. “What are your thoughts on that?”
I only shrugged.
“Are you planning to avoid him?”
“From what I understand, that won’t be necessary. I’m pretty sure we’ll be steering clear of each other.”
“Why would you assume that?”
I laughed cynically. “Because, Dr. Gill, I walked away – didn’t tell him where to find me, how to get in touch with me, never called, never wrote, nothing…”
“And with good reason, Samantha,” she countered. “You were broken and scared – a victim of a violent sexual assault. And at the hand of someone you knew and trusted. That’s not an easy thing to overcome.”
I cringed at the thought of Antonio, fighting to ignore the vivid images that followed. It was bad enough that I frequently revisited that memory in my nightmares.
“There’s no fault in what you did – in realizing that part of your healing process meant leaving everything behind. Including AJ. The sooner you accept that and forgive yourself, the better.”
This wasn’t the first time she’d accused me of projecting my own feelings and views on the situation onto AJ. She had this grandiose sense of optimism that led her to believe that he’d forgiven me for leaving him behind at Charleston; however, I didn’t get that vibe from Terrell, Maisha, or Deanna whenever AJ happened to come up in conversation.
“Will Jason be accompanying you to the wedding?” She asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I nodded.
She made another note before setting her notebook aside and giving me what I’d come to identify as ‘the mom look’ that she gives whenever she’s about to recommend something that she knows I’ll be uncomfortable with.
“Have you thought about seeing this as an opportunity to gain closure in –“
I burst out laughing before she could finish. “I value your opinion, Dr. Gill, but…not happening. There’s no way I’m about to make a scene at Terrell and Maisha’s wedding.”
“Why does it have to be a scene? You’re an adult. He’s an adult. Not to make light of this or oversimplify it, but is it so farfetched to think that he would be open to this?”
She really didn’t have a clue, did she?
More than once, Terrell avoided talking about AJ back when I used to even bother asking how he was doing. Not only was AJ hurt and angry that I’d left, he’d moved on. From what I could gather, she wasn’t just some girl either; they were pretty serious. A pang of guilt sickened me and I lowered my head.
“Well…just give it some thought. You have time to mull it over, and we’ll have another session before you head to Boston. We can revisit the topic then.”