In my last session with Dr. Gill, we discussed the idea of AJ and me speaking again. I explained that I wasn’t opposed to saying a quick ‘hello’, but especially given the fact that he was newly engaged, I didn’t think it was a good idea. She didn’t agree, but respected my opinion all the same.
Jason’s ringtone distracted me from my thoughts.
“Hello?”
“Hey, babe. I already called your cab. It should be there in ten.”
I zipped my last bag and rushed it to the apartment door to set it beside the rest of my luggage. “Ok, I’m ready. You headed out now?”
In the background, I heard Jason telling the driver his destination, which answered my question.
“Yep, I’ll wait for you out front.”
Grabbing my keys and purse, I nodded. “Ok. See you in a few.”
We ended the call and, right on time, the cab pulled up to the curb outside my building. The short, African-American man driving stepped out to load up my suitcases. Jason had already told him where I needed to go, so I climbed in and watched the tall buildings pass by as we drove. As promised, he was waiting out front to help with my bags. In no time, we were checked in and seated on our flight just waiting for takeoff.
“You alright?” Jason asked, gripping my hand when he did.
It wasn’t until he spoke that I realized how tense I was. Forcing a smile, I replied, “Yeah…I’m fine.”
He studied my expression for a moment and then let my response be good enough. As my gaze drifted out the window, I tried to steady my breathing. It wasn’t lost on me that as soon as this plane landed I would be about an hour away from what I’d dubbed “the moment of truth” – my first encounter with AJ in five years.
I’m honest enough with myself to admit that I was feeling some type of way about meeting his fiancé, too. The only thing Terrell or Maisha had ever mentioned about her was her name – Kira. I tried to imagine AJ with someone else, and could never seem to do it. I couldn’t imagine him holding some other girl’s hand, kissing her…touching her. Whenever I questioned myself about what created this mental block in my head, I reasoned that it was because of the sense of being the only woman that existed that I always had when it came to him. He made it seem as though he couldn’t even see other women – another reason I felt so guilty about my reaction in the past, thinking he’d cheated. Even if the letter I’d just found hadn’t told me so, I realized quite some time ago that AJ was nothing but faithful to me. However, being young and dumb, I couldn’t accept that as the truth at the time that it actually counted.
Water under the bridge, though, right?
The short flight came to an end and everyone was up and moving about grabbing their carryon bags from the compartments above. Everyone except for me. I was in such a daze that I barely even noticed that we’d touched down.
“Ready, Babe?” Jason asked with a smile.
I nodded and followed behind him, trying to force myself to snap out of it. After claiming our luggage and retrieving the rental car that we’d reserved, we drove the short distance to the hotel. I was trying to recall the calming techniques Dr. Grill went over in my session, but none of that was working now.
Jason startled me from my thoughts when his hand came to rest on my thigh. “Hang tight. I’ll go check us in and then come back for you,” he offered. Our lips touched briefly before he left me alone in the car to breathe through my anxiety. I waited until he’d disappeared inside the building to let myself freak out.
“Get a grip, girl,” I whispered to myself. Grown women aren’t supposed to freak out over having to be around an old high school boyfriend. I mean…that’s basically what AJ’s and my relationship boiled down to, isn’t it? I tried to gather my thoughts.