“You can leave. You don’t have to stay for this,” I said quietly as I pulled my pants on.
“No, I’m just as guilty as you are. I’m staying,” he replied. I’d never seen him look so defenseless, but even in an uncomfortable scenario such as this one he still chose to stand by me. It felt like it took us hours to reach the first floor. A million thoughts ran across my mind. Would my mom wake my father and let him yell at us too? I reached for AJ’s hand and tried to prepare myself. She stood at the bottom of the steps waiting for us and I could see that she was fighting back tears as she stared at the wall across from her. Without looking in our direction, she motioned for us to follow her into Daddy’s study. All of the lights were still off except for the small lamp by the living room couch, which led me to believe that she was trying to make sure that my father stayed asleep.
She opened the door to the study and flicked on the light. I shut the door behind AJ and me after we entered. We sat side by side on the couch and I squeezed his hand tighter to brace myself for my mother’s wrath. She paced the floors and gripped her hair in both hands like a crazy woman. I almost wanted her to start talking just to put me out of my misery. She hung her head and shook it from side to side. I glanced over at AJ quickly as he stared down at the ground unmoving.
“Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? How long has this been going on?” She asked as she snapped her head in my direction. I’d never seen her this way. Usually, she’s the calm reasonable one while Daddy plays the part of disciplinarian. I searched for some sort of explanation that would make this all go away, but there wasn’t one.
Telling her that this was the first time seemed like the best answer I could give, but I didn’t want to add lying to the list of offenses I’d committed tonight. “October.”
My answer deeply disappointed her. “October? Didn’t you two just get together in October?”
The way she asked the question made me feel dirty – like I needed another bath. “Yes. But I swear that this is the first time ever here,” I responded quietly as I lowered my gaze to the floor. She exhaled slowly and started shaking her head again.
“Antonio too?” She asked softly without turning to look at me.
“No. No one but AJ.” I know that fact didn’t make any of this sound better to her.
I could see her building to another uncomfortable question. “Have you two been…..safe?” My heart sank and the dirty feeling returned.
“Most of the time,” I said softly. AJ flinched slightly as I admitted this to my mother. She stopped pacing and stood motionless in the middle of the floor.
“What do you mean ‘most of the time’?” She asked angrily as she shot us both a look that could kill. “Like……when you feel like it, or when the sun’s up, or on Tuesdays?” She continued to stare. “That sounds pretty stupid doesn’t it? Now just imagine how it sounded coming from your mouth.”
“Mom, I don’t know what to say.”
She laughed like she was having a nervous breakdown and then stopped abruptly. “That’s because there is nothing to say. I’m so disappointed in you. All this time I’ve been defending you to your father telling him that you were a good girl. And all this time……..” She shook her head again like she was trying to erase the incident from her mind. “I didn’t raise you this way, Samantha. You know better.”
I felt so stupid. This was probably the wrong time to beat myself up for not locking the door, because that wasn’t the real issue here. “I don’t have an excuse, Mom. All I can say is that I’m sorry. I disrespected you by bringing him here.”
Apparently I’d said the wrong thing again. She narrowed her eyes. “Is that the only thing you think you did wrong – bringing him here?” She asked sharply.