“Me too,” I finally replied. There was a question on my mind, but I thought about it for a moment before asking. I already knew that he’d say something comforting, but could he be positive of the way things would actually play out? “How do you think it’s going to be when we’re away from each other that first semester?”
AJ was silent for a long time. I understood that he didn’t want to talk about it, but ignoring it wasn’t going to make the problem go away. I needed to hear him say that he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that we’d make it and everything would be just the same when he got there. I had total trust in him, but I’d be lying if I said that the thought of him being around all those unfamiliar and more experienced girls didn’t scare me. He may have been worried about the same thing with me and the guys on Charleston’s campus, but he had absolutely nothing to worry about whether he knew it or not. I was totally and unchangingly devoted to him.
I heard him take a breath. “It’s gonna be hard, but we’ll make it work,” he finally replied.
“What about all those girls? They’re gonna be all over you.”
I heard him laughing quietly. “You don’t even have to worry about that. I don’t want anyone else.”
“Yeah, but there’ll be parties and drinking, anything can happen. Right?” I asked anxiously.
“Sam, you have nothing to worry about. Trust me! If it makes you feel better I won’t go to any parties or anything like that. That would give me more time to study anyway.” I could tell by his tone that he was serious.
I felt bad for bringing up my insecurities about the other girls. It wasn’t my original intention to be so specific about my concerns, but it just came out. He’d never given me any reason not to trust him up to this point, so it dawned on me that I was probably worrying for nothing. “No, you should enjoy yourself. I’m just freaking out a little. Ignore me; I’m being neurotic again.”
He laughed at me. “You’re not being neurotic, but I don’t want you to waste your time worrying about something that’s not gonna happen.” I did my best to believe that AJ hooking up with another girl wasn’t even a possibility. But the truth of the matter is, it was. We’d be apart for a long time and he could start to fall for someone else in my absence.
He interrupted my thoughts. “Are you ok?”
“I will be,” I replied flatly.
He sighed heavily. “I think I just heard my dad get up. Promise me you’ll stop thinking about it.”
I didn’t want to lie to him. “I promise that I’ll try.”
He sighed again. “I guess that’ll have to do. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
I ended the call and set the phone down on the nightstand. In my head, visions of AJ with random girls flashed, making it hard to fall asleep. In spite of his certainty that nothing like that would ever happen, I couldn’t shake the feeling. What girl wouldn’t jump at the chance to be with a guy like him? Aside from his physical appearance, he was still one of the most perfect men that I knew. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I grabbed my headphones and plugged them into my radio. With the volume turned all the way up, I couldn’t focus on it anymore. Once I was too sleepy to keep my eyes open, I turned it off and covered my head with my pillow. The rancid thoughts tried to overtake me again, but my need for rest won the fight. Lucky for me.
I sat in Mr. Kendall’s class in a zombie-like state. Three hours of sleep hadn’t refreshed me in the least. I put my head down on my arms and fell asleep while he lectured. The sound of the bell ringing at the end of class startled me and sent my heart racing. I couldn’t recall one thing that Mr. Kendall had said the entire hour. I gathered my things and stepped out into the hallway. My slow pace annoyed some kid and he pushed past me in a huff, and both of my books and notebook fell to the ground and slid across the floor. Great! I sighed and bent down to pick them up and was shocked when I saw Antonio’s large hand reach out in front of me and scoop my belongings up from the floor. He was the last person that I wanted to see this morning.