My hands were shaking as I drove. What’s happening? I can’t do this again? I can’t handle it! I needed to talk to someone so that I could make sense of my feelings. But there was no one that was completely neutral. Leslie wouldn’t want to hear it. Deanna was definitely going to be biased and there was the risk of her telling Karl. There was no one who would understand. My first reaction was to have an emotional breakdown right there in the car, but I was tired of crying over this situation. I had to keep a clear head.
I pulled up to my house and nearly had a heart attack when I saw AJ parked out front. I wasn’t sure what to do or say. The only thing that kept me remotely calm was to tell myself that I hadn’t committed any real offense. After all, it was just a kiss, right? My rationale did nothing to take away the guilt. I stepped out of the car and AJ approached me reluctantly. His expression was remorseful.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in practice?” I asked coldly to deflect my own guilt.
“Yeah, but I thought I’d stop by and talk to you and just go late, but I didn’t expect for you not to be here. Where’d you go?”
My breathing became uneven. “Why didn’t you call first so I could’ve told you not to waste your time?”
“Like you would’ve answered. I don’t get why you’re acting like this. I told you that if you really wanted me to talk to my parents I would.”
I glared at him. “It really doesn’t matter anymore. You didn’t think that it was ‘necessary information’ until I brought it up. It’s not like I’m asking to meet them or anything, I just want to be important enough that you would want to tell them about me.”
It was obvious that my point had hit home with him. “Sam, I really am sorry. I don’t tell them much about my personal life, and I should’ve treated our situation differently.”
It was hard work being mad at him. His charm won me over. I moved in his direction to hug him and he unexpectedly swooped in for a kiss. I tried my best not to cringe away, but I felt like the most disgusting person on Earth, kissing two guys in the same day. Actually in the same hour. I pulled away quickly, trying to make it seem natural. He looked at me suspiciously for a brief second. I stared down at the ground with my arms folded across my chest.
“Are you still mad?” He asked.
“No. I’m fine. I just still have a lot on my mind.” Yeah, like Antonio.
He continued to stare at me as I fidgeted. “Well, I guess I’ll go then. Maybe call me later if you feel like talking.” He lingered for a second waiting for me to respond before turning to walk back to his car. When he was no longer in sight, I went inside.
I still remained firm in knowing that my heart was with AJ, but Antonio’s kiss left me curious about……other things. I struggled with the thoughts that I was having about him. Going to his house was definitely a mistake, but the damage was already done. I spent the rest of the night reliving the kiss that he and I shared. This was the first secret that I’d ever kept from AJ.
Chapter Twelve In the midst of everything that was going on, my birthday snuck up on me out of nowhere. I couldn’t believe that it was already November 21st. Only two more days to prepare for my party. I used to feel cheated that it fell either close to or on Thanksgiving every year. As I got older I began to appreciate the fact that I never spent a birthday alone. We always had family over to celebrate both the holiday and my birthday.
Mom had already gotten most of the decorations. Against her will I was able to talk her into getting g everything in hot pink and purple. She couldn’t resist when I reminded her that it was my 18th and that it would be my last birthday living under their roof. I regretted playing so dirty when I saw tears well up in her eyes.