Life is what happens while you’re waiting for it to happen. It’s not always extraordinary. Most people won’t get to realize all of their hopes and dreams, but they’ll be living out new ones they never knew they wanted. Spending time worrying about the future, about getting into college and carving out a meaningful life won’t empty tomorrow of its plights, it will simply drain today of its vitality.
I haven’t always believed in destiny, but today I was told mine: my cancer has won and science can do no more. My destiny has been pre-written, and no matter what I do now, I can’t re-write it. But I can live until my heart stops beating. I WILL live. I’m going to start each day smiling and extract every molecule of happiness it has to offer, because my life may be short, but I’m determined to make it full.
I pause to collect my thoughts and steady my breathing; my eyes are welled and I need a second for the moisture to disappear and stop blurring my vision. I look out to the crowd and spot my mom sitting between Emily’s parents and Moira.
I hadn’t known that Pam and Bill would be here today. When I saw them before I had to take my place in the auditorium, they told me that they wouldn’t have missed my graduation for the world, and they’re only sorry that they didn’t get to witness Em’s too. I was so choked that I couldn’t warn them that I would be reading from her diary. I can see Bill rubbing Pam’s back as she blots furiously at her face with a hanky, but they are both beaming proudly. My anxiety begins to wane and I carry on.
“Emily’s words made me think, and I hope that they strike a chord with you too. So I’m not going to tell you to strive to achieve greatness; instead, I’m going to say stop doing things that you don’t want to do. If you don’t want to study pre-med, but you’re planning on it anyway, because your father, and your grandfather and his father all did…just stop. Do the things that YOU want to do, because this isn’t a dress rehearsal, this is the main event.
Say what you really mean, follow your intuition and let yourself be inspired, because someday you may become someone else’s inspiration. Be good to yourself and don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t be afraid to say yes! Try not to look back, because that’s not the direction you’re travelling, and don’t worry, because it’s okay to not have a plan. Not everyone knows at eighteen what they want to do, and how it is that they are going to get there. Sometimes we need to just breathe, let everything go and see what happens.
Today is our last day as high school students, and if anything, it has made me realize that life is short. So laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and make every day count. No doubt some of you will be feeling ecstatic that school is now over. Some melancholy, some bored, and I’m sure although many won’t admit it, there’s even a few of us feeling a little heartbroken. Enjoy these feelings—they’re how you know you’re alive.
Congratulations, Class of 2014!”
Silence descends and although I wasn’t expecting a fanfare, I didn’t count on nothing at all. I look out to the crowd and then I spot him. He’s wearing the biggest grin I’ve ever seen grace his handsome face.
Ethan stands and slowly begins to clap, then Brie appears and follows suit, then Case, Jackson and TJ, before the whole senior class takes to the floor and begins applauding. I smile at the sight I’m witnessing and taste a rogue tear as it slides down my cheek and wets the corner of my mouth.
For the first time since Emily died, I’m excited for the future.
AS WITH Promises Hurt, I am beginning my acknowledgements with another apology. To my amazing husband and children: I’m sorry I broke my promises...You have had to endure the microwave meals, creased clothes and a messy house again! I’m lucky that you are all so understanding and patient. I love you. You are my world.
Author Kathryn Andrews, my book bestie. You’ve spent countless hours helping me hash out this book and your support astounds me. I always look forward to our daily chats and voice tags. Thank goodness for Instant Messenger! You’ve provided so much encouragement, and you are truly a dear friend. I can’t wait for our next meet up; I’ll bring the pink champagne.