Okay, so I’m failing at being a boyfriend right off the bat. I can hear my dad’s voice in the back of my mind telling me what a selfish little prick I am.
“Blair, shit…I’m so sorry, I haven’t even asked you if you’re okay.” I sit back down beside her on the bed and let my head drop. “What happened?” I motion to her stomach. “I know you were in the crash—are you hurt bad?” I ask, attempting to swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. I can feel myself break out in goose bumps. This girl elicits reactions from me that I have no control over. I don’t know if I should love or hate that. What I do know is that I feel like crying and it’s scaring the crap out of me. I don’t do emotions, and I certainly don’t do crying—not ever. I do numb, but I’m feeling anything but that at the moment.
“My spleen ruptured in the accident.” She smiles, but it’s sad. “I got off pretty lightly, unlike you and your dad.” She sucks air in through her clenched teeth and then grimaces looking at me. I’m assuming she didn’t mean to say the last part.
“I haven’t heard anything about him yet.” I try to pull off nonchalance, but I don’t think it’s working. I wonder how much she knows about my relationship with my dad? Would I have told her? I don’t need to ask, though, because the look on her face somehow confirms that she knows.
“Do you want to know?” she asks as she pinches her top lip between her fingers waiting for a response.
“Honestly? I don’t know if I care.” I watch for her reaction. Waiting to see if I’ve read her wrong and she doesn’t know about that aspect of my life.
She takes a hold of my hand and laces her fingers with mine; she draws her knee up and rests it on the bed then twists her body so she can face me.
“I can see you wondering…I know about him Ethan. You told me everything.”
My stomach churns as I force myself not to look away. I feel ashamed, weak and pathetic all at once. I hate that she knows. There is nothing I wouldn’t give right now for this whole situation to be reversed. Why couldn’t I have forgotten about him and still remember her?
I sit mute: what can I respond to that? I open my mouth to speak before I’ve even processed what I’m about to say. Then I pause; she leans in and everything happens in slow motion as she places her lips lightly over mine. They’re so soft. Damn.
She doesn’t move them at all, just holds them in place, and I’m mesmerized. She’s kissing me but it’s not making out. In fact, it’s not sexual at all. This kiss—it isn’t really a kiss; it an unspoken message. She’s letting me know it’s okay and that I don’t need to try and make excuses. She moves her head back and looks directly into my eyes. She’s so beautiful; her huge green eyes are fixed intently on mine. She looks unsure of herself, like she doesn’t know if she’s crossed the line and her head starts to drop along with her gaze.
Oh, hell no.
I take a hold of her face with both of my hands and bring her lips back up to mine. This time I’m the one in control and I kiss her like she should be kissed. The only message I intend to send is that I need to do this. I have to do this, just like I have to breathe. It’s not a question of wanting; it’s a necessity. I move slowly but deliberately, acutely aware of the sensation of blood rushing in my ears, my heart slamming painfully into my chest as she begins to kiss me back. Her hands rise and grip my wrists and I wince as pain shoots up my arm and I think for a second she’s going to stop me, but she doesn’t move my hands from her face. Instead, she holds on like she doesn’t want to ever let go. It’s painful, but I like it. I relish the sensation of her wanting my hands on her. I apply a little more pressure, and her mouth opens as I trace the seam of her lips with my tongue. Kissing her feels amazing. I’ve made out with plenty of girls but this is on another level, I can’t get enough. Desire pools in the pit of my stomach as her teeth graze and nip at me, sending a shiver racing like lightning down my spine. I groan as a hot flush spreads across my chest and then slow my pace, placing a few chaste kisses at the corner of her mouth.