“You gotta be a little more specific than that,” I reply as I throw my first empty into the bed of the truck. Katelyn reaches into my bag, grabs a beer and pops the top.
“What happened to you? Because when you went off to Texas everything was fine and then you show up one night and everything isn’t?”
I throw my second empty into the truck. My third follows and I open my fourth and chug it down to throw it.
“I got to school and hated it. I hated practice, the team, everything about it. And one night I went to this on campus hang-out and there was an open mic night so I gave it a try and I liked it and I don’t know.”
“Did you tell Josie?”
“Nah, our meeting didn’t go so well the other night. I was pissed and antagonized her a bit.”
We sit in silence, drinking and throwing our bottles into the truck. Katelyn’s throws get harder and harder the more she drinks and I imagine she’s taking out some type of anger.
“For the first time in twelve years I don’t have Mason by my side.”
I know she’s sad and I could hold her and let her cry or I can share in her misery.
“I have a kid.”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because if looks could kill I’d be dead right now.
“Does Josie know?”
I can’t help but laugh. I shake my head. “I hope so, unless Noah isn’t hers. Then I’m screwed because that boy is definitely mine and definitely hers.”
“You’re such an ass,” she says pushing my shoulder. I fall back so she thinks she’s strong. “No other kids, huh? How many wives and girlfriends do you have?”
I toss my empty down to the truck and smile when it shatters. I’m going to have to go over and clean out her truck tomorrow.
“No other kids, no wives and no girlfriends.”
“Right now?”
I look at her and give her the stink eye. “Ever. Never. Not since Josie.”
“I’ve seen those rags with your picture on them and you have some blond with you all the time.”
I lean against the tower and sip on my next beer. Katelyn is keeping up with me and we’ll be out soon. This sort of pisses me off. I should’ve bought two cases.
“That’s Sam, my manager. She wants to be my girlfriend and tells me that I owe her since she’s been with me since I started. I don’t know. Lately I’ve been thinking about firing her.”
Katelyn doesn’t say anything; she just stares out into the darkness. Every now and again I see her wipe her eyes. I want to help her but don’t know how. I could wrap my arms around her, pull her into a hug, but that might be awkward for her so I opt to rub her back.
“I’ll never forgive myself. I should’ve called or at least come back. I could’ve kept in touch but leaving here and leaving everything behind – I needed a clean break. I had to try and make a name for myself and when I did, people just kept pushing and pulling and the next thing I know I’m in my hotel room and I’m reading the paper. I kept saying to myself there is no fucking way he’s gone because I didn’t get to say good-bye.
“He’s gone and I never got a chance to tell him how fucking sorry I am for being a total dick and leaving. Mason didn’t do jack shit to me and I left him because I’m a fucking coward and couldn’t face the bullshit going on in my life. God, I’m so sorry you lost him.”
Katelyn leans back and buries her face in my chest. She starts to sob so I put my arms around her and let her cry. I wipe away the tears that have let loose and try to be strong for her. The more she cries, the more I do. Maybe crying is therapeutic, maybe your body needs it to expel the pent up energy. Maybe we just need to cry for Mason.
We stay like this, holding each other, until the sun starts to come up. Her face is red and streaked from smeared make-up. Lines are creased on her face from my jacket, but I don’t care. I continue to hold her until she’s ready to say good-bye.
CHAPTER 12
JOSIE
For the first time, I’m closing the shop for no reason. My lack of sleep is evident by the dark bags under my eyes. Nick felt my forehead, always in doctor mode, before leaving for work and suggested I take a day for myself. I opted to give Jenna another day off as well. No one needs flowers today anyway and if they do, they’ll understand why I’m closed and come back tomorrow.
Noah is crunching away on his cereal, his eyes glued to his recent Sports Illustrated. Yesterday I watched him and Liam with reservation, but still allowed them to get to know each other. Today I’ve decided that was enough. I can’t have my son getting hurt when Liam skips town again. He isn’t planning on staying, whether he’s told me this or not. I just know it. I feel it in my heart. He has a life away from Beaumont, one that doesn’t include Noah and likely never will.