Every nerve and muscle in my body was frozen, waiting. I almost didn’t want to hear this. Almost.
He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward, his shoulders hunching up. The heel of his foot bounced a rhythm on the floor. A lick of dark hair fell down across his forehead, finally tired of staying where his fingers had raked it back. “I … Audrey lied to me about the baby. She and Andy concocted the plan to get me to leave here. I found out she’d lied about the pregnancy after our tour wrapped up and … I went ballistic. But then she said the pregnancy was real and that she’d lost the baby. God, I didn’t know what to believe. I’m assuming she said she lost the baby to make me feel guilty for breaking up with her. But I’m not sure I’ll ever know the truth, and with her, it may never matter. She’ll get people to believe anything if it paints her in a better light. I didn’t know whether to be relieved, to grieve, or to hit something.” He laughed, humorlessly. “I went with all three.”
There was so much to process. My stomach continued churning. I folded my arms tightly across my midsection. “How were you so sure the baby was yours? Hadn’t she just cheated on you? And didn’t you tell me you guys had been over for a while? I …” I swallowed thickly. So much for us keeping the conversation in the friend-zone. “That was the hardest part, Jack.”
I hadn’t meant to stop him telling his story, and I still wanted to get back to it, but I couldn’t help myself now that we were on this topic. I looked down as I spoke. “I couldn’t believe you just trusted the words that came out of her mouth that day and let me walk out the door. You basically told me without words right then that you lied to me, that it wasn’t over with her. That I was the chump. I felt so stupid.”
He didn’t answer right away, so I finally looked up and met his eyes. A muscle ticked away in his cheek, and I knew he was struggling with how to respond. After a few moments, his shoulders slumped and he leaned down and rested his elbows on his knees, inspecting his feet. “Our relationship was over, we hadn’t … in forever … but … yes, there was a chance it was mine.”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and steeled myself for the torrent of boy crap that was about to come. Jazz and I had always shaken our heads in bewilderment and snickered as we watched TV shows where the wife or girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter, believed excuse after excuse from their no good partner. How could people not see it coming, I’d wondered? And now I knew, of course. You want to believe. That want being stronger than any fact that could be slapped in your face.
“Go on,” I said. I could actually be in a TV show right now. Here I was looking at Jack Eversea, a face the world knew so well. That I knew so well. A collection of features that were so familiar, yet buzzed in and out of focus from my personal recognition and that of tabloid pictures and movie parts.
“I—” He swallowed, loudly. “I don’t think you hate me right now, but you may hate me when I get done telling you.” He looked up.
His eyes were deep, mossy green pools of emotion and it walloped me straight in the chest.
I held my breath.
“I feel like I just climbed out of a river of shit. I can’t … I won’t risk you hating me right now.”
“Just freaking tell me, Jack.” My voice was hard and bitter. “Tell me the truth, tell me all of it. Do me the courtesy of not deciding which parts you think I should hear.”
“That’s not—”
“Otherwise what’s the point of this? Why are you here? If I end up hating you, it would be easier for us all. Please. Please make me hate you. Why don’t you just finish the job so I can get on with my life!”
Oh my God.
My heart pounded and my breathing was choppy. Shame and humiliation poured through every fiber of my being as my words reverberated in the silence. Me admitting that I couldn’t get on with my life, that I wasn’t over him.
Way. To. Go.
Seven long months to get over him, and I threw away my pride in seven seconds. My skin flashed hot.
Jack stared.
I couldn’t look away.
And then he moved, his body lunging out of the chair, the sound scraping across the floor in a loud screech as he came at me. His arm was around my body lifting me against his chest, crushing the air out of me.
I gasped to get my air back, and breathed Jack in, just as his mouth crashed onto mine.
His lips were hard and demanding, and then they parted, his tongue licking into my mouth.