“Well, I didn’t. I sent Jessie on a mission.”
I was not monitoring what I was saying, I was still freaking out about the “movin’ in too” comment. If I was, I would have never told him I sent Jessie on a mission to buy an outfit for a date with him. It exposed too much.
He grinned again. This grin communicated two things too. One, he thought I was funny. Two, he knew I liked him, a lot, and he was feeling full of himself.
“Don’t you need to take a shower?” I asked.
He kept grinning through the word, “Yeah.”
I motioned to the bathroom with my head before I started to turn, saying, “Well, there’s crime to be fought, get a move on.”
I didn’t get to the door before he caught me, pulled me back into his body and bent his head to kiss my neck.
Then in my ear, he said, “I remember everything about you and I remember all the reasons why I loved you. Never could forget even when I tried.” I sucked in breath, unprepared for this stealth attack, while he went on. “Who knows, baby? We had all that time together, I coulda got used to it, learned to take it for granted.” His arms gave me a squeeze. “Now, that’ll never happen.”
I felt tears hit my eyes and there were a lot of things I wanted to do. Turn and kiss him. Wrap him in my arms so tight his body would be forced to absorb mine. Rip off his clothes and show him how much I loved him using my hands and my mouth. Or simply tell him I loved him, I had since the moment I set eyes on him and I never stopped.
Instead of any of these, I warned, “Colt, it’s eight forty-five and I haven’t cried yet today. I got a funeral to go to this afternoon. Don’t spoil my run early.”
He ignored me.
“We’ll settle this now,” he said and I braced because I didn’t know what we were settling. It was a good idea to brace because what we were settling rocked my world. “Call your landlord today, tell ‘im you’re givin’ up your lease. You gotta sublet for awhile, fine.”
“Colt –”
“Your Dad, Morrie and I’ll get your shit gradually. Spend some time today sorting it and mark the stuff priority that you need over here.”
“Colt –”
“I don’t give a shit where you put my stuff, what we’ve got double, what you decide to throw away.”
Well, that would mean he’d have matching mugs. I’d travelled light for fifteen years but indulged on a killer set of stoneware when I moved home. It cost a whack and I wasn’t home much to use it but I liked knowing I had it.
I didn’t share this, I said, “Colt –”
“Just don’t move the jerseys or the Harry’s print.”
“Colt –”
“And find some way to lose that fuckin’ picture of flowers your mother put in the second bedroom.”
“Colt –”
“It isn’t me or you.”
He obviously had been so focused on the picture he hadn’t seen the be-flowered sheets and comforter Mom put on the bed or, clearly, the very ruffled dust ruffle. They weren’t me or Colt either, by a long shot.
“Colt!”
“What?”
I turned in his arms and looked up at him. “Are you telling me to move in?”
“You got a problem with that?”
This was an excellent question, one to which the only answer was “no” yet, even so, I couldn’t utter that word.
Instead, I said, “Only people probably gonna use that room are Mom and Dad. She wants to sleep under flowers? What do we care?”
He smiled again and this smile only communicated one thing and that one thing made the tears prick my eyes again.
His voice was a lot less pushy and a lot more gentle when he said, “I gotta look at it every day.”
“Then close the door.”
His arms grew tighter, pulling me closer, before he whispered, “I’m gonna say this once and let it go.”
Oh Lord, what now? He was relentless, I couldn’t hack it.
“I missed you, February.”
I was right. I couldn’t hack it. The tears I was fighting back slid from my eyes and I felt my body start trembling in his arms.
“I’ll take those tears this time, seein’ as they’re for me.”
“Alec –” I whispered.
He talked over me, his gaze going from my cheeks to my eyes. “Today, you gotta worry about your funeral outfit, packin’ your shit and one more thing.”
What now?
He didn’t make me wait. “Feds wanna put us in protective custody. They offered it the other night. I’m puttin’ in the security system which’ll help with peace of mind. They protect us, it’s a guarantee this shit goes away without us feelin’ it. This isn’t a decision I can make, you gotta make it, honey. You wanna go away and wait this out, I’ll be with you. You wanna stay and live your life as normal as you can, I’ll do what I can to protect you.”
“Colt –”
“Take the day and tell me tonight.”
As what was going on finally permeated, I tipped my head to the side and stopped crying before I asked, “Is this entire conversation gonna be one-sided or are you gonna let me speak?”
“I gotta get this out and get to the Station. You speakin’ means the first one will take longer, delayin’ the second one.”
There was my answer; this conversation was going to be one-sided.
I decided to communicate non-verbally which I did, by glaring at him. He read it, it bothered him not even a little bit and I knew this because he smiled, gave me a squeeze and dropped his arms.
Then I found myself pissed that he’d just told me I was moving in with him, pretty much told me he still loved me, definitely told me he missed me and then he just let me go without kissing me.
“That’s it?” I asked as he shrugged off his blazer and threw it on the bed.
He turned his head to look at me as he pulled the badge off his belt. “What’s it?”
I looked at the ceiling and asked it, “Is it me, or was that just a momentous occasion?”
The ceiling had no answer but Colt chuckled and I glared at him again while he tossed his shoulder holster on his blazer.
“Did you ask Jessie to get muffin for me?” he asked.