Then in silence he held the phone out to me.
Knowing it wasn’t who I thought it was because he wouldn’t give it to me if it was; I took it, looked at the display and saw who was on it. My breath went out of me again as I looked at the clock on Colt’s nightstand. It was two in the morning, not unusual for the caller, but not acceptable anymore, though he didn’t know it.
I saw Colt’s shadow move, arm extended toward the light. Then I rolled up and over to sit on my ass, arm holding the covers to my chest as I lifted my knees and pressed my torso to my thighs.
Then I put my phone to my ear, the light went on and I blinked against the brightness as I said, “Hey, Reece.”
There was nothing but silence for awhile and I waited.
Then Reece said, “Expected it to happen eventually, darlin’, but didn’t expect it to hit me that hard the first time I heard a man answer your phone.”
I closed my eyes tight and whispered, “Reece.”
“No promises, beautiful, no expectations, that was the deal. You gave it to me.”
“I know.”
“Now I gotta find a way to give it to you.”
“Reece –”
“Best way to find it right now is knowin’ some jackass is out there carvin’ up folks in your name and it’s good for me to understand you got a man at your side.”
“He’s not carving them up, he’s hacking them with a hatchet.”
There was a smile in Reece’s voice when he replied, “Whatever.”
I felt Colt’s hand hit the small of my back and then I felt his fingers run up the indentation of my spine then back down, the path short, the touch light but it was also steady. I knew it was weird in this situation but it made me feel better.
It helped that Wilson wandered up the bed and curled into a ball at my hip.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Headin’ out tomorrow, goin’ to ground until this guy is found.”
“I’m sorry, Reece.”
“Not your fault, darlin’.”
“Still.”
“Still nothin’. Could use a vacation anyway, haven’t had a real one since we went to Tahoe.”
Tahoe had been great, we went right before I came home and stayed a week. We rode there on the back of his bike and we splurged on a luxury rental. Gambled and rode during the day. Ate until we were stuffed. Fell in bed massively tipsy every night. It was a blast.
I’d seen him since as he used to be mine for those times I needed him. I took a two week vacation the first year I was home, got in my car, told no one where I was going or who I was seeing. I hit a few places where I had friends, including spending two days with Reece in Sedona. Did the same the second year, catching him up in Taos, but that time I stayed four days.
Reece had come to visit me also, spending his time while I was at the bar catching up with friends he had close or visiting the Speedway and doing other tourist crap. He was careful not to infiltrate my life, like showing up at the bar, knowing, without me telling him, that wasn’t his place to be. When he was around I took some time off, not explaining why, and sometimes would go with him and show him around. Nights, if we spent the day apart, he was always there for me. I’d come home and he’d be in my bed. I’d wake him when I hit the bed, or, if he was out, I’d wake him with my hands or my mouth, something he didn’t mind and I suspected he pretended to sleep just to get it.
Those days were over.
“You’ll check in?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“Frequently?”
“Yeah, darlin’ but don’t worry about me. It’ll be okay. I can take care of myself and the Feds I talked to seem pretty fuckin’ determined to find this guy.”
“Yeah.”
There was a hesitation before he said in a way I knew he was searching, “I’m guessin’ I shouldn’t call so late next time.”
“Probably not.”
Another moment of silence before he stopped fucking around and asked what he wanted to know but he spoke in a voice that said he wished he didn’t have to say his next words. “Hate to ask, beautiful, but gotta know. Your boy who answered the phone, this mean you’ll not be callin’ in awhile?”
“Reece –” I started then couldn’t say it.
When I stopped talking and said no more, Reece read me. We’d been in and out of each other’s lives for a long time but we talked on the phone relatively frequently. He didn’t know me through and through but he knew me well enough.
“Fuck,” he bit out, “means you’ll not be callin’ at all.”
“Reece.”
“That hit me harder than I expected too.”
“Reece –”
He cut me off. “Fucked up.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Fucked up, I knew I had a good thing, threw it away. Fuck!”
“You didn’t throw it away.”
“How many times I watch you walk away from me, Feb? How many times you watch me?”
“Reece, don’t.”
“Too fuckin’ many. Means I fucked up.”
I pressed my torso deeper into my knees and whispered, “It wasn’t meant to be, honey.”
“I put an ounce of effort in it I coulda made it meant to be.”
I wasn’t certain this was true, not now. Maybe years ago when I met him. He was a good guy and he never fucked me over. He was handsome, he was charming, he was smart. Always honest with me. When I had him, I had all of him. He made me laugh, not like I used to but he did it. He knew I loved the bike and he loved it too and taking me out on it. We fit together, were comfortable, would fall in with each other within seconds of being back. The sex wasn’t great, like with Colt, but it was really good.
Now. No.
But I didn’t tell him that and I didn’t know if that was the right thing to do or the wrong thing.
“Sorry, Feb. You don’t need this shit now, do you, beautiful? What is it, one o’clock?”
“Two.”
“Fuck, sorry darlin’.”
“Don’t be.”
“I’ll call in.”
“Thanks, Reece.”
“Sleep tight, beautiful.”
“Reece?” I called before he disconnected.
“Yeah, Feb?”