He blew out a loud sigh and ran a hand through his wet hair. “I don’t know.”
My chest squeezed a little. I needed him out of the house, time to process the fact that I’d just given myself up to a guy who wasn’t over his ex. “I’m good with whatever, but I don’t sleep with other people’s boyfriends. It’s kind of a rule. Ex or not, if you aren’t over her, this stops tonight. The last thing I need in my life right now is more drama.”
“I’m over her, but I can’t answer your question about you and me.”
This ambiguity—this unsureness—that’s how it always started with potential guys. I thought if I could just push those thoughts aside and keep it purely about sex, it wouldn’t matter. No one would get hurt if no one had feelings. Freakin’ A, Ryan wasn’t the typical knight in shining armor type. I shouldn’t have felt the stab of betrayal as much as I did.
You know what? Screw him. If I was an I don’t know, he was a get the hell out of my house. Time to put on the big girl panties.
“Well thanks for the great sex. I appreciate it. But I don’t think we need to explore this further. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”
Check the thermostat, because it is ice cold up in this joint.
He frowned and opened his mouth to say something. Before he could speak, I handed him his nasty paint-coated shirt and opened the door.
A dumbfounded look crossed his face. He wisely didn’t say anything, grabbed his clothes, and walked out of the apartment. I shut the door as soon as he exited and slid down the wall.
I pressed my head against my knees, furious at myself. I knew better than to trust him, and yet I let him in. But that wouldn’t happen again.
Chapter Twenty
Ryan
I banged my head against the back of my seat. Why had I said that I didn’t know what I wanted with Jules? Because I was a fucking coward, that’s why. The look in her eyes when that came out of my mouth, I knew that I had blown it. What was I supposed to say? Hey Jules, I think you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met, and that scares the shit out of me because every girl I’ve ever cared about has ripped my heart out. Or better yet I’m moving away in a month, and I’m worried that I’ll be cheated on again. Yeah, she’d eat that shit right up.
Now she probably thought I used her for sex, the complete opposite of what I’d intended. I should have hung up as soon as she handed me the phone. I’d meant to tell Lex off and instead created a fucking disaster. Just like me to say the wrong thing at the exact moment it counted the most—like just after having amazing sex. With a girl who deserved more than a good shower fuck.
I wiped my hands over my face and put the car into gear. I needed to go home and sort this out. This was going to end eventually, it had to, with me moving away—Lex probably did me a huge favor. This girl had me falling faster than a soccer cleat to the back of my knee. Part of me wanted to kill the engine and barge back in there and make it right, but she’d think I was full of shit. If I wanted to prove to her she was worth more than a one-night stand, I needed to show her. Figuring out how would be the difficult part.
What would Blake do? He’d probably tell me that it was a bad idea to screw on the first date. Solid hypothetical advice. But I wasn’t about to say no to her when she asked if I wanted to get cleaned up inside. Even I didn’t have that level of self-control.
Think, asshole, think. What would make this better? I could get her flowers, but that seemed too cheesy. No, I needed to come up with something that would mean something to her. I made the fifteen-minute drive home, still clueless as to how to right things between us.
All the windows were dark when I pulled into the driveway. Usually every light in the house filtered through the windows, even rooms that weren’t being used. Dad and I had an ongoing battle—he’d go through rooms turning on the lights, and I’d ghost behind, flipping them off to conserve energy. He usually treated the environment like it was his own personal shitter, which drove me insane. Then again, maybe he really was coming around. He’d said he was supportive of me, and maybe my conservation tips had finally made an impact.
A note lay on the table as I entered the kitchen.
Be back late. Leftover pizza in fridge.
Maybe things were actually getting better between us. This whole summer, I’d been left to fend for myself, only eating with Dad the first night I’d arrived. Maybe it was a peace offering.
Or maybe it was just fucking pizza, and I was overthinking things again. Jules had messed with my head if I was contemplating the meaning behind pizza.
Shit, Jules. I shoved my hand through my hair. What was I going to do about her? I didn’t blame her for kicking me out the way she did, but damn, that was harsh. Work would be interesting tomorrow.
I pulled a couple slices of pepperoni out of the fridge, chucked them on a plate, and took it up to my room.