“I don’t deserve you.”
“It’s not about deserving. It’s about fate. I was put on this earth to love you. Deep down to the core of my soul I’ve always known it. There may be someone else for you, but you’ve always been it for me.”
He plants his head in my lap, his arms moving around my waist. I sift my fingers through his hair while he holds on to me like a life raft. Minutes pass in silence as we cling to each other.
On instinct, I hum the familiar melody of “Silent Night.” His arms convulse around me. With every repeated verse, a tiny bit of life returns to a part of me I’d long forgotten.
The girl who set eyes on a young boy and knew he’d own her heart forever sings from the dark part of my soul, reminding me that there’s hope. And maybe with time our love could raise her from the dead.
Twenty-seven
The dark is no place to plant a seed.
Yet with our hands in the ground, we give in to our need.
Digging through the shit we can’t stand to face.
Learned the hard way that our past can’t be erased.
--Ataxia
Rex
Living with Hatch.
Property of Hatch.
All so she could feel taken care of or self-destruct.
All because of me.
Shit. I thought my problems ended at dealing with my past. I was wrong. She explained on the plane ride back to Vegas that she had nowhere else to go and that all she wanted was to feel safe. I can’t help but think that I made her feel as desperate as I felt living in that basement. She was alone, willing to give whatever she had to offer to feel accepted, taken care of. The thought makes me sick.
She gave herself over to a scumbag like Hatchet, hoping to heal the wounds I’d inflicted. And he let her. He had to know how upset and desperate she was. He took advantage of her; he was no better than those sick bastards who visited me as a kid.
She said more, but I don’t remember because I was too busy planning the thousand different ways I was going to torture Hatch the next time I see the tubby fuck. Her insistence that he saved her, protected her from dudes who’d have taken advantage of her, only pisses me off more. Brainwashing motherfucker.
We took a cab from the airport. Other than Raven and Jonah, who were there the day she woke up, she didn’t want anyone to know she was back. A lot has happened and she needs a few days to recoup before all the women descend.
“Rex, I don’t think this is a good idea.” She’s standing in the doorway to my condo, her arms crossed at her chest. “I’m sure I can stay with Trix.”
Wearing gray sweatpants the same color of her eyes and a tight black thermal shirt that offsets the bright red locks of her shoulder-length hair, she’s a damn knockout. We haven’t been alone for more than an hour since she came out of a coma. I told myself that I’d keep my hands off her until she’s ready, but it’s taken every bit of strength I have not to strip her naked and worship every inch of her body.
I drop the small bag of our stuff just inside and turn to pull her into my arms. “We’ve been over this. Trix has a roommate now and you need rest.” I kiss the top of her head. “And if I haven’t already made it clear, here’s clear-er.” I pull back and cup her face, tilting it to look at me. “I’m never losing you again. I want to feel you breathing against me when I sleep as a constant reminder that you’re here, alive, and mine. Dating isn’t enough, baby. I want more, and unless you have a really, really fucking good reason why you don’t want that, it’s not up for discussion.”
Her body relaxes in my hold. “I know this has to be so hard for you. I don’t want to cause you any stress.”
She’s always thinking of me before herself. I pull back and meet her eyes. “You’d be surprised how far I’ve come since you left.” With her hand in mine, I move inside the condo and shut the door.
She stops in the foyer, and I turn to find her slipping off her shoes.
“Leave them on. I’m okay.”
Her eyes go wide. “Really?”
It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but after my memories came flooding back, I’ve been working to overcome my compulsions. Daily breakthroughs and praises from Darren are all things I can’t wait to tell her, but now isn’t the time. She’s spooked and I can’t lose her, so I’ll slam the door on that convo and concentrate on making her at home.
I ignore her question and bring her to my bed at the far end of the room. “Lie down. I’ll order some food.”
“Rex, you don’t have to take care of me. I’m fine.”
I sift my fingers through her hair and notice how it glistens a dozen different shades of orange, so different from Mac’s hair. Even now, it’s hard to join the two women. Both are strong in their own ways, but Mac had a carefree attitude about life that I don’t see in the gray eyes I’m lost in now. Will she ever be that way again?
“Gia . . .”
She cringes and drops her chin.