“She’ll pull through. She’s a fighter.”
“Thanks, man.” I hope he’s right. If ever there’s a time to fight, it’s now.
The sound of Jonah’s retreating footsteps echoes and disappears down the hall. My thoughts turn to Hatch. There’s a good chance I’ll never see him again. He’ll end up dead in some Mexican motel room or gunned down in the streets, but I can’t help the surging need for revenge. I shake my head to free the thoughts and try to stay positive.
Focus on Gia.
“Just us, baby.” I squeeze her hand. “You feel like opening those pretty gray eyes? I’d love to see ’em.” I kiss the inside of her wrist and rest my forehead against it. “I miss you.”
The beeping of monitors and the soft sound of machines breathing for her are all I get. I close my eyes. “Come on, Gia. I need you to fight.”
My mind flashes back to the clear memories of my past. “When I was in the basement, after I had a visitor finish with me, get his fill, I’d be left alone in the dark.”
I lift my head but pull her hand to my lips to tell my story against her soft skin.
“I’d just sit there, disoriented, confused, aching on the inside more than my broken body hurt on the outside. I remember . . . I remember wishing that the black would just swallow me up. I would beg to be absorbed into it and disappear. It sounds so stupid now.” The wispy tendrils of the past crawl across my skin as I recall the feeling. “I wasn’t afraid of the black. I wanted to run into it, hide in it, live in it. And then I’d hear a voice so sweet I remember thinking if heaven had a sound it would be that voice.”
It’s amazing how long I went without remembering that, and now it’s so vivid. I can almost hear an eight-year-old Gia singing Christmas songs in my head. The warmth that would accompany her singing surges in my chest. She was everything to me back then, the only light I had in the dark.
“Your voice alone pulled me from the void. Hearing it made me want more of it, made me want to fight for the peace it would bring. If it weren’t for you, baby, I’d never have gotten free. I would’ve let the black take me, surrendered to it.”
I want to be that for her. Show her that there’s hope beyond the black. Reach in and drag her back from wherever she is.
I crawl onto the bed. Maneuvering around all the IV tubes and monitor cords, I pull her limp body into my arms.
“I know you’re in the dark now. You’re hurting and letting that black soothe you. I get it, baby.” I curl into her so that my lips are at her ear. “But I’m here to drag you out. You hear me? Listen to my voice, Gia. Remember. Don’t let the dark pull you in. Remember me. Kick and thrash and fight for the light. I’ll be here. No matter how long it takes, I’ll be here.” I place a slow kiss against her temple and rest her head on my chest.
She has to come back. She just has to.
*
Ten days in a coma.
I’ve gone through every emotion available, from being scared as shit that I’ll never see those gray eyes again, to being over-fucking-joyed that at least she’s still breathing.
Now? Now, I’m angry.
I want to blame someone and everyone for what she’s going through. Blaming myself is the easy part. Hatch is next on my shit list, and many nights when I’m crunched in the hospital bed with her I put myself to sleep with thoughts of torturing the tubby fuck the next time I see him. I blame her parents for fucking her up however they did. But the hardest person to blame is her.
I can’t believe that the Mac I came to know, the Gia I knew as a kid, would intentionally do this to herself. She’s mentally the strongest person I know, and only mental weaklings get hooked on drugs.
I walk to the single window in her hospital room and look out at the setting sun over Denver. It looks as if it had been a nice day. I haven’t been outside since the helicopter dropped us here a week ago. A week.
The doctor says every day that passes lessens her chances of pulling out. Fuck.
A knock on the door gets my attention. “Yeah? Come in.”
One of the nurses who have been regulars for this last week pushes into the room with a cart. “Hey, Rex, how’s our girl doing today?” She walks over and begins her routine of checking monitors and vitals.
“Hey, Bridgette.” I move to the edge of the bed and stand close by as I do every time anyone—doctor or nurse—comes in to see her. “Same. Sometimes when I’m holding her hand I feel it twitch.”
“That’s great.” She puts a stethoscope against Gia’s chest. “You getting frisky with your man there, Gia? Maybe next time you could try opening your eyes for him?”
I smile at the easy girl-talk way she’s relating to her like she’s still a person. A lump forms in my throat.