I cup her cheek and swipe at a single tear that slides down her face. “Not cheap, doll. I am. I love you.”
She shakes her head, and her eyes dart up in what looks like an effort to look anywhere but at me. “Let me go, Cameron.”
“I can’t; that’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
Her expression fluctuates between pained and steely. “I don’t believe you.”
“Don’t believe me. Let me show you. I’ll prove it to you.”
She coughs on a sob, and I pull her into my arms. My chest swells as she melts into my body, and her arms wrap around my waist. We stay like this for minutes, and I wish we could stay like this for hours, weeks, years. Just like this, her head on my chest, and my nose buried in her hair. We fit perfectly together like this, and once I share all my secrets with her, if she chooses me, we’ll be able to work through everything else.
I just need that chance. One more chance.
Thirty-Seven
Eve
What the hell did I do? One minute I’m lost in the music, thinking about Cameron and wishing it was his hands on my body rather than some random chick looking for attention. The next thing I know he’s there, pulling me into the back alley as if he’d read my thoughts and searched my fantasies.
He’s bigger than he was two months ago, proof that the whispers about him training for his fight with Faulkner are true. His shoulders, back, arms, all of it strains against the thin cotton of his black tee. Biceps that pull the fabric tight accentuate the cuts and swells of his massive muscles.
The epitome of power, strength, and protection, and yet he abandoned me. But I had sex with him anyway.
This is so fucked up. Cameron may not be the dick that my dad is, or the monster that Vince was, but he has more power than the two of them combined to completely destroy me. I know because I’ve been living it for the last two months. I’ve felt what being abandoned by Cameron feels like, the fear and insecurity that rushes in after he sets me up with more than I could ever hope for and then in one breath takes it all away.
How long will I put myself through this kind of pain before I finally decide it’s not worth it? Every time one of them walks away, it’s as if they stash a little piece of me in their pocket when they go. There’s hardly anything left of me as is, and I’m afraid that the feelings I have for him are too good, too intense. When he leaves again, he’ll strip me raw. There’ll be nothing left.
He’s in love with me.
But words are just that. Words. Anyone can say things and even pretend that they mean them. They don’t mean anything.
What does mean something is the fact that he abandoned me with no explanation. He just walked away and never told me why. He knew I had questions, knew I was suffering, and still gave me nothing.
I’m not an expert on love, but I’ve been living under a roof where it’s expressed daily, and what Cameron did to me isn’t love.
I squeeze him to me one last time, knowing this is going to be the last I ever get of him, and soak in as much as I can. It’s time. Finally, for the first time in twenty-two years, it’s time for me to take care of myself and make choices that protect my heart rather than constantly sacrifice it.
On that thought, I pull back enough to nuzzle against his pec and place a kiss over his heart.
He runs his hand through my hair and cups the back of my head when I tilt back to look up at him. “We good? You coming home with me so I can explain?”
I turn my head and kiss the inside of his wrist then press my hands against his abs for him to step back.
He does, and confusion washes over his expression. Fuck. That kills.
“Yes, we’re good.” I shake my head. “But no, I don’t need to hear you explain.”
“Eve, I—”
I cup his strong jaw and press my thumb to his lips. “It’s okay. I know you want to protect me, but I need you to know that I can take care of myself now. You think you love me, Cameron, but you’re mistaking caretaking for love. A few months ago I would’ve been happy with that. It would’ve been more than enough for me, but not anymore.”
“Don’t do this. Don’t walk away from us.”
“I have to.” I close the space between us and push up to my toes to wrap my arms around his neck.
He doesn’t make me work for it and pulls me by the waist, lifting my feet off the ground in a hug so tight it almost makes me smile. Almost.
“Think about what you’re doing,” he whispers in my ear then sets me back down on my feet. “Don’t do it.”
I release his neck, but pull his face down to mine so our foreheads are touching. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and speak what’s been on my heart since the first day I met him.
“I love you, Cameron Kyle, but I’m not strong enough to hold on to you.”
His big body goes loose, and I take the opportunity to get away before he says something that makes me change my mind.