“Make a wish, babe.” Mason nods to the cake, a genuine smile across his perfect face.
I suck in a long breath and close my eyes. The words go through my head, just as they do every single night in my prayers. It’s the same thing I’ve always wished for, the only thing I’ve wanted so badly that it’s turned into an obsession.
I want to stop loving Cameron Kyle.
The words carry through my mind, and I blow the twenty-two candles out, sending a cloud of smoke into the air. Everyone cheers, and I give myself a second as the sinking feeling in my chest reminds me that my wish is only that.
A wish.
I haven’t seen or heard from Cameron since the day he came to see me at the hospital. I went from being hurt, to angry, to furious, and now content. The most Jonah will give me is that he’s doing well, trained up for his fight, and totally focused on that. He always said fighting was the most important thing in his life. He made it clear that he could lose his own wife and not blink but that giving up his career sent him to his knees.
Now he has his fighting back. I’m happy for him.
“Here ya go, birthday girl.” Raven hands me a piece of cake on a paper plate.
Things have been good since she was released from the hospital. Sadie is gaining weight and was given a clean bill of health; even the doctor said she’s very strong for a premie. With her father as heavyweight champion of the UFL, most think Sadie gets her fight from him, but I know better. She gets it from her mom.
Raven came out of the hospital, ready to take on the world. We talked about the accident, and I explained my feeling responsible, but she refused to place blame. We hugged and cried and hugged some more. We’ve never spoken of it again.
There are times when the guilt hits and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for all that my best friend and her husband have done for me. More than I deserve. But they assure me that my helping out around the house, babysitting Sadie so they get alone time, and often getting up with the baby in the night so they can sleep, is worth more.
“What time do you have classes tomorrow?” Layla says through a bite of birthday cake.
“I have a seven forty-five anatomy class then a lab at three.” I’ve been taking some classes at the community college to see if anything interests me outside of the restaurant business. So far I’m finding that science is my thing. Who knew?
“You guys hear about the show this weekend?” Caleb leans back in his chair and takes a pull off his beer.
“Yeah, Ataxia is opening for Five Finger Death Punch at the House of Blues.” Blake curls an arm around Layla. “Biggest show they ever played.”
“That’s gonna be a kickass show. Can we still get tickets?” I watch Mason move across the room and drop into the seat next to me.
He leans in close, and I fight the urge to lean away.
“Happy birthday, babe.” He slides a white envelope into my lap.
“No way, you got me tickets?” I should’ve known he would. He’s always trying to win me over with gifts and gestures, but my heart will never belong to anyone but Cameron. I throw my arms around Mason’s neck and hug him tight. “Thank you.”
He buries his nose into my neck through my hair. “You’re welcome.”
I pull back to avoid him holding on too long and getting the wrong idea. I know he thinks I’ll come around, regardless of my constantly telling him that I won’t.
“There’s two tickets in there. It’s your present, so you’re free to take whoever you want.” He shrugs and peeks up at me through eyelashes that are long for a guy. “If you need a ride though, I’ll take you.”
“Oh.” I study the envelope as I turn it over a few times in my hand. “I mean . . . yeah.” I swing my gaze to meet his. “Of course.”
I’d much rather go with Raven, or hell, I’d even rather go by myself than with Mason, but I can’t tell him no. The problem is, in the crowded club, he’ll take the opportunity to touch me. It’ll be innocent enough, but his mind will conjure up ideas about us being together, making the goodbye at the end of the night awkward.
Something I’ve learned over months of experience.
The sound of Sadie crying pulls my eyes to Jonah.
He’s patting the sling and swaying from side to side. “I think this party girl is ready to hit the sack.”
Raven turns to her husband with a forkful of birthday cake in her mouth.
“Hey, you guys enjoy the rest of the party.” I stand, grateful that I now have something to do that will break up my conversation with Mason.
It’s such a bitchy thing to do, but the alternative is to hang out with him longer, and that could lead him on, which is even bitchier.
“I’ll put Princess to bed.” I hold out my hands to Jonah, who places the little dark-haired angel into my arms. “Hey, Sadie girl.” I kiss the top of her head. “You ready for bed?”