Drowning myself in work is a good distraction from the chaos in my head, but I’ve lost an entire afternoon.
The awareness of time brings pain to the gaping void in my chest. I haven’t heard from Jonah all day. I didn’t expect him to contact me, but I hoped he would. I check my phone again. Nothing.
“Wrap it up, Ray.”
I grab my tools and find Guy in the back, putting things away.
“Who’s on tomorrow?” I ask, tossing my set on a workbench.
He doesn’t look up from an assortment of wire terminals. “Cane. Why?”
“I thought I’d come in, you know, um, help out—”
He bangs closed a metal toolbox. “What’s goin’ on, Ray?” He studies my face. “You’ve been zip-lipped all day, and from the look on your face, I’d say someone died.”
That’s what it feels like. I shrug and pick grease from my nails, avoiding his eyes. “Nah, just thought I’d get some extra hours.”
“You hurtin’ for money?”
“No, it’s not that.” I just need to stay busy so I don’t have time to . . . feel.
His bushy, gray eyebrows drop low, making the wrinkles around his eyes more pronounced. “You and the boy havin’ problems?”
I exhale, annoyed at my transparency.
“You could say that. He has a lot on his plate with the fight coming up.” Guilt washes over me as I lie. I can’t tell him the truth. It’s too real.
He leans against a workbench and crosses his ankles. “He tell you that?”
I shake my head. “Our lives are too different.”
“And different is a bad thing?”
“You don’t understand,” I mumble to my feet.
“I’ll tell you what I do understand. I see a boy who’s lived his life in the public eye for just shy of ten years. He’s made his taste in women obvious: quick, easy, and disposable. You step on the scene, he drops it all, stands toe to toe with me, and makes his intentions clear. Differences be damned. The boy’s crazy about you.”
“Some differences are too big.”
“You listen here, Ray. I’m no expert on relationships. Only been in love once. That was over thirty years ago. But I know it when I see it.”
“You were in love?” I stare in shock at the self-proclaimed, lifetime bachelor.
“Yep, fell in love with an angel.” His eyes get soft. “But she was engaged to someone else.”
I don’t know what to say, but I want to hear more. I nod for him to continue.
“You know what I did to mess it up?”
“What?”
“Nothin’. And that’s how I lost her.” He reflects in silence for a beat, studying the garage walls. He shakes his head. “I didn’t fight for her. I could have fought, tried to get her out from under her obligation, but I didn’t. Biggest mistake of my life.”
“But she was engaged to someone else. How do you know she would have left her fiancé?”
His face falls, eyebrows low, and he studies the floor. “I’ll never know. That’s what kills me.”
The pain in his voice has me blinking back tears. “Was there never anyone else? After her?”
“I love her. She’s it for me.” He’s not speaking in past tense.
I can’t decide if that’s the saddest or the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard, and yet I’m destined for a similar fate. There will never be another love for me, not like Jonah. I can see how Guy would close himself off, subject to a lifetime sentence of loneliness for one girl. But the difference is that Guy’s love was worth the fight. He didn’t fight for her, but he lives with the regret because she was worth that. Not me.
“Not everyone’s worth fighting for.”
He steps close and places his hands on my shoulders. His blue eyes look deep into mine. “I’ve seen you two together: the way he looks at you when you’re not looking, like you’re the sun and he’s happily stuck in your orbit. Never seen you with a boy before so I can’t be sure, but seein’ you messed up in the head about it, I’m guessin’ you feel the same way. You guys got something special, Ray. Fight for it. It’s worth that.”
His words rock me to the bone. Something deep and instinctual recognizes Guy’s words as truth, but I can’t get past my head: Jonah’s conversation with Owen, him pushing me off on Eve, not calling all day. All arrows point to a broken heart.
My head throbs, and I have an overwhelming urge to be alone. “Thanks, G.”
“You’re welcome. You don’t want to be me, lookin’ back on your life, wishing you could have another shot at something sweet.” He ruffles my hair then steps back. “Now, go get some sleep. You look like hell.”
He throws his arm over my shoulder and walks me to the foot of my stairs. Departing with a wave, I watch him until he disappears around the corner.