“This is normal, Tori. This is a disagreement. An argument. Hell, call it a fight if you want to. But people do it. And you make peace and move on. Together.”
Her heart felt as if it was going to explode in her chest. “I imagine saying the things to you my mother said to my father and you saying to me the words that came out of his mouth and it hurts. I can’t...I just can’t.”
“Tori, I would never say something hurtful to you deliberately. I love—”
“So did they, Max!” She knew her voice was growing louder and higher pitched, but she couldn’t seem to stop. “They loved each other. They vowed to love and respect each other forever and look where they ended up. They say there’s a fine line between love and hate and it’s true. I’ve seen just how fine a line it is and I’m not living my life walking that line.”
“You’re being unreasonable.” Before she could give voice to the rage that toneless statement of logic filled her with, he held up his hands. “No. I’m sorry. That was the wrong thing to say.”
“You think?”
“Tori. I didn’t mean that your feelings are unreasonable. They’re your feelings. But you’re superimposing your parents’ relationship over ours, and that’s not fair. Not only is it not fair to me, but it’s not fair to you.”
“I’m messy, Max. Not physically. Emotionally. And you’re not. You’re orderly and logical and you can’t understand how terrified I am that if I let myself love you, someday we’ll turn on each other and inflict pain on each other. Or our children.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand. I want to, but I just don’t understand walking away from a chance to spend the rest of your life with somebody who loves you, messy or not, because your parents’ marriage ended badly.”
“I know how it sounds. It doesn’t make sense, but there’s logic and then there’s feeling. And what I feel is fear. Every time I think about loving you—and I’ve done a lot of that—I see your face. The look in your eyes right now. It hurts me to think I’m causing you pain. But at least, right now, it can be a clean break. We’re not married. Hell, we’re barely a couple. We don’t have children. I can just walk away and you’ll find somebody who can love you the way you deserved to be loved.”
“I’m not going to stop loving you because you go home and don’t return my calls.”
“You will. Maybe with me out of the picture you and Nola can give it another—” She broke off, unable to say it. Tears clogged her throat and she shook her head.
“I don’t know how to make you trust me. How to trust us.”
“You can’t.” She swiped at the tear that threatened to run over her cheek. “I’m going to leave now, but I want you to know this is my fault. It’s nothing you did. It’s nothing you said wrong.”
“I love you, Tori.”
“Except that.”
She didn’t look back. There was nothing left to say.
She made it halfway back to her apartment before she had to pull over because she couldn’t see through the tears anymore. She cried hard, trying to purge enough emotion so she could drive.
But she couldn’t stand the idea of going home. She didn’t want to be alone. Even though it was late, she mopped at her face and drove to Hailey’s house. The lights were still on downstairs, so she pulled in the driveway and shut her car off.
She hated being here. Hailey and Matt were probably snuggled on the couch, having some couple time and no guy wanted the hot-mess best friend showing up at all hours.
The outside light flashed and she looked up to see Hailey in the doorway, beckoning for her to come in. She got out and walked to the house, the tears already rising to the surface again.
“Hey, get in here.”
Matt was sitting on the couch, but he took one look at her and stood up. Tori wasn’t surprised. She had to look awful and he’d want no part of what was coming.
“I’m going to take Bear for a walk. He loves being out at night and we haven’t done it in a long time, so I’ll probably be a while.” He grabbed a coat that was hanging in the entryway to throw over his sweats. Then he shoved his feet in his shoes, grabbed the dog’s leash and kissed Hailey’s cheek. But he paused before he went out the door and looked at Tori. “There are two slices of Rosie’s double chocolate cake left over in the fridge. You can have mine.”
Tori’s eyes welled up with tears and her throat tightened. When the door closed behind him, all she could do was look at Hailey and wave a hand in the direction he’d gone.
“I know,” Hailey said. “Now you see how I could fall in love with a guy who needs his own shower in the garage. Now come on. Kitchen.”
Hailey didn’t break out the cake yet. Tori let herself be shoved into a kitchen chair and took several tissues out of the box Hailey set in front of her. A glass of water followed, and she drained half of it in one shot.
“What happened?”