*
Max was a fast learner and, thanks to a wastebasket tucked discreetly under his nightstand, he didn’t have to leave the bed after making love to Tori anymore. He was free to simply roll away for a second, then go right back to savoring the feel of her naked body under his.
“Tacos and orgasms,” she mumbled. “You sure know how to make a lady happy.”
“I should write a how-to book and make millions of dollars.”
“I get half. Call me a research assistant.”
“I don’t think research assistants get half.”
She chuckled and ran her fingernails up his back. “I don’t think most research assistants are as thorough as I am.”
The shiver that tickled his spine was partly due to her touch, but also the rush of emotion that slipped the tight leash he’d been holding on to for dear life. This was what he wanted. Back on the first of October, when he’d made out his to-do list, he’d been looking for Tori. She wasn’t just companionship and sex. She laughed with him and pushed his buttons and made him excited to see her, no matter how much time they spent together.
He pressed a kiss to his favorite spot—the soft skin at the base of her throat—and couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I’m in love with you, Tori.”
Her body went rigid, as if he’d physically shocked her, but he didn’t regret saying the words. He’d tried to play along with the friends-with-benefits thing as long as he could, but he didn’t have it in him to pretend anymore.
“Let me get up.”
“Tori, I—” He was afraid if she got up, she wasn’t going to listen.
“Let me get up. Now.”
He rolled away and she slid off the bed. In the time it took him to pull a pair of sweats out of a drawer and pull them on, she’d managed to get dressed.
“That was a sucker punch, Max,” she said, zipping up her jeans.
“I don’t really have the ability to live a lie or pretend everything’s okay when it’s not. I’ve tried hiding how I feel about you and I can’t do it anymore. I say what’s on my mind—sometimes even when I shouldn’t—and, if there’s a problem, I fix it. You’ll always know where you stand with me.”
“And you knew where you stood with me.”
“The difference is that I’m being honest with myself and you’re not.”
“Don’t you dare.” She pointed at him. “Don’t you dare stand there and try to tell me what I feel.”
She walked out of the bedroom and Max felt an insane urge to call his brother and ask him to talk to Tori for him. He knew he couldn’t, but he also knew if Tori left angry, she might never talk to him again.
He caught her in the kitchen because she had to put her shoes on. “Please don’t leave angry. I’m sorry I said you weren’t being honest about your feelings for me.”
“Max.” She leaned against the island and put her face in her hands. “You don’t understand.”
“Then please explain it to me so I can.”
“You and I want different things in life. You know that.”
“I want somebody who understands me the way you do. I want somebody who laughs at my jokes like you do. Somebody who enjoys being with me and likes me the way I am. Like you do.” He wished she’d look at him. “I made a new list to describe the kind of woman I’d fall in love with and it just said Tori.”
“Stop. Stop saying you love me. You don’t.”
“If I don’t get to tell you how you feel, you can’t really tell me how I feel.”
“You joked about practicing how to be friends with benefits, Max.”
“I think we’ve been more than that for a while. And I was trying to convince myself I could settle for friends with benefits for now, and that maybe in time you’d trust that I wouldn’t hurt you, but I can’t hide how I feel about you.”
It made sense to him, but he was afraid. The more he talked, the more Tori looked like a wild animal whose fight-or-flight instinct was kicking in. Maybe he should shut up, but if they didn’t come to a resolution right now, in his kitchen, he was afraid they never would.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tori’s heart ached and all she wanted to do was run. If it had been some random guy, she would have. But this was Max and, if she didn’t make him understand, he would blame himself.
It wasn’t him. It was her.
“I didn’t want you to love me,” she said softly. “I’ve already hurt you, Max. I can see it on your face and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. I knew you aren’t really wired for casual sex, but I wanted you and I did it anyway.”
“I’m a grown man, Tori. I might not be loud or assertive, but don’t mistake that for weakness.”
“I don’t think you’re weak. But you can be hurt and it kills me. It’s killing me to hurt you now. Imagine being together for years and having children and doing...this.”