When Jase got back in town, we spent some much needed alone time together. Ryan has been busy this past week with work, and we haven’t had much time to hang out during the days. In the mornings, we have been running together. Aside from that, I’ve been in the studio almost every day and picking up extra shifts at work.
Somehow I let Jase and Ryan talk me into going to Ryan’s bar to hear Mark’s band play tomorrow night. Still nervous about the possibility of seeing Jack out one of these days, the fact that I’ll be there with Jase and Ryan was comforting enough for me to say yes.
Ryan is working late tonight, so Jase and I are spending the evening together at his place. After grabbing some tea and coffee at Peet’s on the ground floor of Jase’s apartment building, we head upstairs for the night.
Making ourselves comfortable on his couch, we talk for quite a while about Mark and Ryan. This is the first time that both of us have had boyfriends we can talk about, and I’m enjoying our newfound pastime for gossiping. But, the conversation takes a more serious tone when Jase asks, “Can you hear me out on something?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I know I’ve brought this up before, but I want to bring it up again because you seem to be in a better place now.”
“What are you getting at?”
“Have you thought about calling the detective from that night?”
“What? Why would I do that?”
“Because Candace, you know who did this, and the hospital has the evidence.”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“What if he does this to someone else?”
“Drop it, Jase.”
“Candace, think about it. If he could do what he did to you . . .”
“I’m serious, Jase. Drop it.” My hands are shaking, and I cannot believe he even went there. Getting off the couch, I storm off to the bathroom and slam the door behind me. I have been trying so damn hard to not think about that night, and now when I close my eyes, I’m right back there. How could he do this to me? I turn on the faucet and splash cold water on my face, but the anger keeps coursing through me. Looking at myself in the mirror, I realize I’m crying, and when I see the tears, I get more pissed.
The door swings open, and Jase is standing there with guilt all over his face.
“What’s wrong with you?!” I scream at him.
“Shit, Candace, I had no idea,” he pleads. “I honestly thought you . . .”
“Would be over it by now?! I can’t. He won’t ever let me,” I sob out. “I can still feel his hands all over me, and I hate it.”
“God.”
“All I have ever asked is for you to drop it, and now you bring this shit up?! Now?!”
“I thought . . .”
“I just can’t. And God, Ryan would find out.”
“He doesn’t know?”
“No! He’ll never know. He can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d lose him. He’d run away. Who would want me?”
“You have to tell him.”
“No, I don’t. This is my secret, and I plan to keep it that way.”
“Candace, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” His voice is hurt, and I feel horrible for blowing up at him like that.
“I’m sorry,” I say then hug him. “I’m sorry.”
“I never thought you’d be over it; I know you better than that. I just thought that you’d be in a little bit of a better place.”
“Can we just forget about it?”
“Of course. Forgotten.”
I decide to call it a night. Jase wanted me to spend the night, but I really need some space.
Seth’s car is parked out front when I get home. As I walk past it, I notice for the first time that he has Greek letters on his back window; the same Greek letters of Jack’s fraternity.
Oh my god.
Does Kimber know this? She’d almost have to know. I start to panic a bit, wondering if she’s talked to Jack, and if so, what was said. Did he say anything about me?
I feel uncomfortable when I walk in and see Kimber and Seth watching a movie in the living room. I quickly walk through the room. Kimber doesn’t say anything; she simply sits on the couch and looks at me when I walk to my room. This tension with Kimber hurts and the fact that Jase and I just had an argument, when we never argue, has me emotionally exhausted. God, I hate this.
?????
Ryan seemed excited this morning on our run that I was finally going to come by his bar and hang out. After everything that happened with Jase last night, I am more apprehensive than ever, but I stuff it down deep because I know Ryan wants me at the bar with him tonight.
He’s already there—he’s been working all afternoon—and Mark drove with Chasten, the drummer, for a quick sound check. So, I’m getting ready and hanging out with Jase. The tension between us has dissipated and neither one of us mentions our fight.
Sliding my black boots on over my jeans, I say, “Okay, I’m ready.”
“Finally,” Jase teases as we start to head out.
I pull my hooded black raincoat over my plum satin swing top and lock the door behind me. When we get in the car, I text Ryan to let him know we are on our way.
“Mark is really excited that you’re coming tonight.”
“I feel bad that I’ve missed all of his shows,” I say.
“Don’t. He gets it.”